We used to get Gorillas In The Mist and Lions Of The Serengeti. These days we get Bill Oddie watching Bluetits in Essex. The trend for nature programs these days is obviously towards smaller and more parochial so I have written to the BBC with my idea for a peak time nature program, presented by myself obviously, "Woodlice Behind The Shed"
On news that scientists are currently trialing an effective over-the-counter gel for male impotence, and on the failing faculties of late middle age in general.
On what an improvement it would be and how it would dent some egos if all the papers and TV stopped reporting on anything politicians did and stuck to soaps and gossip.
My first effort at the Gobswomen Of Human Rights AKA Cherie Blair. Yeh, I know, not much like her apart from the mouth but with the Gobswoman who gets past noticing that?
A great post mortem use for He-Who-Must-Be-Stabbed. Propped up on the woolsack as speaker of the House Of Lords. Why not shoot all the the NL ministers and prop them up in the Lords? None of us would mind a bit of corruption in politics then.
A great pilot for another cooking program. Famous chefs are pushed out of a plane and their chutes won't open until their meal is complete. The first episode with Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey. Oh dear, overran a bit chaps. Never mind!
On what it would be like if the bad language and abuse common on some forums and blogs found its way into the commons
Some sprays for aphids and the like are based on nicotine. Cheaper than those patches.
My first effort at the loathsome pair
After a TV prog on the obscenely obese apparently being provided for and fed by their carers.
So why can't us alcoholics get the same attentions? I've paid my taxes!
On that curious phrase "making" obscene images of children, given that most have no artistic talent
On the strange coincidence that viruses always seem to "cross the species barrier" (fanaar, fnaar) in the Far East
On the ancient idea that human sacrifice enhances human endevour. I nearly had the bloke holding a POLEAXE but thought that was a bit too obvious.