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No she didn't - she gave me an amnesty - not an amethyst...

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-09-21 19:27:29

HMRC are vampires

You can always make the accounts up - so much easier. I did but recommend you do it better; even though the lovely tax lady gave me an amethyst on anything over 6 years, and waived various fines, it still cost me a bit over £20,000

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-09-21 19:17:09

So agree with your comments about social media.
B took granddaughter Alice to see her future teacher (starts school later this week).
Teacher talked to Alice about her daddy being an air ambulance paramedic - she read it on facebook. WTF - teachers follow the social media posts of their pupils' parents? Strange new world.

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-09-10 18:17:55

All that Irish horror under your bed... priests, dead celtic tigers, co-workers spelling their names in gaelic; I wouldn't sleep a wink.

Мr C ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-09-03 16:58:32

Have to say, envious of your new property even if you haven't quite bought it yet. Looks pretty fireproof to me, well ventilated, and the pebbledash façade is to die for. No regulator in the UK could possibly find an objection... oh wait, what am I saying. Any regulator that hasn't noticed it yet. I'd take to the greenwoods, m'self, if there were any.

Mr C ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-08-05 15:46:05

You're already rich, you have friends like me. Other than having a few billion pounds to play with, what more could you possibly want?

That's a helluva wall you're building, you should get together with our President, he's been wanting to get a wall built for quite a while now.

Regulations are there to protect you from yourself, it's in case you decide to target practice in your basement and puncture the oil tank and start a fire that burns down the home next to you as well as your own and what happens to be the home of the paranoid asshole who made up the regulation forcing you to build that fucking wall.

Baaaa ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-08-05 07:36:45

Darn. Forgot about doggy.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-07-14 21:07:17

Probably besr not to bring the dog then...

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-07-14 19:50:13

Drunk tablet, typing double. Yeh, heard of that. Not lately, of course, could have been, wait...., No, actually, never heard of that before at all. What's that stuff they drink in Crete? Ouzo? Nasty stuff...

Blackish Hairy Thing ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-06-25 16:28:00

Sexually fluid? Wouldn't want that giving me a blow job. But then it's so long since I had one it might be worth the risk...

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-06-22 21:13:23

To bring back the Black Death you need only to find an infected bat. Place the bat in a cage with a dog that is heavily infested with fleas. The fleas will feed on the bat as well as the dog, infecting the dog with Bubonic Plague and of course, re-transmitting the plague to the fleas. Take the dog on a leash to the nearest shopping center frequented by large numbers of Muslims and wander among the crowd for the day. Repeat this each day until news of the latest outbreak of bubonic plague has spread over Europe.
As a small cautionary measure, do get yourself inoculated for the Plague prior to attempting this, unless, of course, you'd prefer to contract the disease.

Black Death Sheep ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-06-19 16:55:56

If you insult Crete, would you call that "Dis Crete"?

Blapp Shlepp ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-06-03 06:35:55

Duplicate crap tablet not vodka

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-05-29 08:18:36

On holiday in Crete at Mo. Wow! comenty thing actually works on crappy old tablet. Anyway sounds great idea, unless my campaign to legalise marriage with pigs is successful, when I'll be moving in with Peggy. She grunts so sexily.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-05-29 08:14:52

On holiday in Crete at Mo. Wow! comenty thing actually works on crappy old tablet. Anyway sounds great idea, unless my campaign to legalise marriage with pigs is successful, when I'll be moving in with Peggy. She grunts so sexily.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-05-29 08:14:51

I was just wondering if you would care to marry me, was thinking that even if I'm a white guy and not likely to pop out some rather negroid looking brats, that it still might be sensational enough to make us some money. "Retired Brit straight man marries retired American straight man, no apparent reason, never met each other." What do you think? Really, I could use the money, from, I don't know, public appearances, posing nude, paid photo ops of me kissing busts of Winston Churchill, and so forth.
Let me know, okay?

Blaaa aaa aaak Sheep ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-05-29 06:31:16

Like the dress. Is that the one you wore to the royal wedding?

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-05-20 04:52:36

Spirit level, eh? My local reverend declined to housetrain my poltergeist, it still craps on the carpet.

Mr C ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-05-16 16:57:34

You mean, you would get "massaged" by a goat? If you weren't past it, that is? I dunno, those cloven hooves... Scratchy at best, life-threatening at worst. But to each his own, or own goat, however that works out.

Question: If you own the goat that you have sex with, isn't that the same as having a sex slave? And wouldn't that be illegal, I mean, beyond the bestiality thing? Sex with a goat, get a double prison sentence? I guess that's why Muslimes tend to prefer boys. You know, like the Catholic priests do. All those raped boys, not one prison sentence. Of course, Catholic judges and prosecutors might be of help there, hmm?

Ram of the Night. ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-05-01 15:55:20

Although immigration is a factor due to the number of women being trafficked and forced into prostitution. Even if I wasn't past it, I'd be dubious about going to a "massage" parlour these days.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-25 19:23:56

Not really, pretty few Muslims round here where they've clamped down on dogging. Not enough of us old hippies left I reckon.

PS Sex with goats? Who wouldn't?

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-23 10:50:59

When did the UK become so straitlaced, you ask? I believe that was about the same time the UK imported all those Muslims, who are so pure that a woman can get her head removed for showing an ankle, or a man for taking a drink, but not too pure to have sex with boys and goats.

Black Sheep ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-23 01:14:27

We are talking about Jenny? Had a few dates after you two split up (or that's what she told me) and she seemed nice enough. Didn't know her well, it's true.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-13 12:15:13

“Recall being in bed one night at my flat when she came through the door, that was as far as it got.”

Don’t blame you – she wasn’t very nice. She used to pick up business guys in top Bristol hotels then introduce them to her butch girlfriend and end up putting on a g-to-g performance in their rooms. For a price - but mainly ‘cos she enjoyed it. It’s true: her gf confirmed it.

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-12 20:13:46

Trust me. Cleaning up other people's dog crap bags is light years ahead, above and beyond anything that Markum Lickher King did for black people. The reality is that he screwed things up for everyone and got himself killed by a pissed-off FBI for his troubles.
Because of him the black crime rate is off the charts now and most of the murders are black on black. This is what happens when you take the restrictions off people who really need them on. King's Equal Rights push is directly responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of blacks by their neighbors, and the rise of black gangs. When they were held in check by admittedly very repressive laws, things were much better for them and us both.
Saddam Hussein ruled Iraq with a heavily oppressive hand, and by doing so he kept the violence in check. Once his regime was removed, all hell broke loose, just as it has here with the blacks. Same deal, no difference.

ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-08 22:25:15

I obviously missed my chances with J, never had a go at her as she didn't really do anything for me. Recall being in bed one night at my flat when she came through the door, that was as far as it got.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-08 15:52:59

"Certainly hope I will be recognised as being among the outstanding world figures when I snuff it."

Another brill cartoon - and so you should be.

more teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-07 20:18:17

Could have said J used to thrash my B with nettles before putting them in the blender to create some sort of ambiguitive dissonance - but thought it was too puerile (though she did that too). She also fantasised about torturing me with ferocious ants. Make up the details yourself. Thankfully never happened but she still got off on it.

Me again ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-06 20:32:45

F* 'ell! Doesn't that say it all about age! If you aren't obsessed with fat ladies' bumholes or bonking pigs, what's the point of going on?

Don't worry - it will all come back and with a vengeance once the sun decides to shine. Get B to make you some nettle soup - J used to thrash my A with nettles before putting them in the blender - that used to do the trick too.

teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-04-06 20:19:35

Trump seen booking into hotel room with Vladimir Putin. A hidden microphone in the coffee table revealed that the pair were planning to build the world's largest Trump Tower, with a massive convention meeting area called The Putin Room and featuring Lenin's preserved corpse tastefully displayed on an ornate protected platform to one side of the room, surrounded by heavy red and black velvet drapes, dripping with gold tassels tied in Turkish knots. They were both drunk on vodka and giggling like schoolgirls as their plans became more and more garish and expansive with each downing of another glass.

Blaaaaacksheep ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-03-27 05:44:02

Famous author of nautical history here. Yes, expressing perviness either comes to a halt with enough wrinkles or it becomes obnoxiously loud and constant, there seems to be no middle ground there. However, ENGAGING in perviness, now, that's a bit different. Hmm?

Nonnayergoddambusiness ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-03-18 00:27:44

Yeh! B's always doing that. "Look at that sunset, isn't it fabulous?" I would just ignore her but she goes isn't it? isnt it? isn't it?..... until I answer.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-03-13 17:01:22

Tried that once. In fact it felt surprisingly nice. Not sure it was effective or not.

Teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-03-13 15:04:59

Take that back but she still rants on about sunsets. What the fuck is it about females and sunsets? I tell her it happens every 24ish hours but she tells me I'm missing the point. £5 plus extras.

ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-03-13 14:41:41

Bah there was me replying to an email from here. Brain gone. Imagination was just the first bit.

You should be able to buy a bonk for 50p in Thailand! Ain't the same I know. Or dress up as a women? That might get 'er.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-03-11 21:40:28

Here in Thailand and still she rejects me. Really don't know what to do. Teeth.

Diamond teeth ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-03-10 15:51:50

We don't call them "adverts" here, just ads. Just as bad on the radio here tho, you get maybe 3 songs played and then followed by 16 or so 30 second to 1 minute ads for crap. I quit listening to the local station, they run so goddam many ads. I tried an experiment. I shut off the radio and then when the thought struck me at odd moments during the day, I switched it on, and sure as hell, 8 times out of ten it was blaring some goddam ad. I think this may be a conspiracy to force us to buy more music CD's. Purely in self defense.

Ram of the Night. ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-02-09 05:39:55

MPH? What? Really? You don't use KPH over there? Neither do we, of course. Back around 1991 or so, our government did it's damndest to try to get us all to convert to liters instead of the gallons we've used since forever, and all the gas (petrol to you) pumps started pumping gas in liters. Some of them didn't switch over right away and those are the ones we bought gas from. Pretty soon they gave up and switched back, although liquor and soft drinks mostly stayed in liters.
Now many liquids come in really odd sizes anymore that are neither standard gallons or liters, and first the contents are listed in guarts or gallons or whatever, followed by 1.2 or whatever liters. The whole reason for doing this was to get us to conform to Globalist efforts in putting the entire world onto one system of weights and measures.

That's actually a good idea, they just screwed up by their choice. Now, if they'd chosen to make everyone else use gallons and pounds and feet and inches, we would have absolutely been fine with that.

Blackish Ram a damn ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-02-01 06:58:36

Humph - don't know - should have checked it for you. Just booked a holiday in Thailand - will def check out ladies bogs there after she goes to bed.


Titanium ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-25 20:41:49

Do the ladies' bogs have no doors either? That's my next holiday planned!

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-24 21:03:19

There are plenty of shithole places in the US too.
My first reaction on visiting Duluth many years ago was
"this is where the US defecates into Lake Superior". A total shithole of a place.
California has its shitholes too - no doors on sitdown bogs on Venice Beach Los Angeles - not much fun when you have violent diarrhea and have to dump your load in public.


Ti ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-24 20:36:23

Can I borrow your submarine? I will bring it back I promise. Might be a little while though.

Titanium ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-16 20:58:19

And a very late but sincere wish that you had the most rollicking and frabjous birthday ever survived, yourself, Mr. Whoozis.

Ram of Dark Places ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-09 03:14:25

I fully agree that disabled people should be able to serve in the military. In the Army the immobile ones could be posted as scouts, for instance. I propose a setup much like a Pez dispenser, only for disabled people. Fill one up with disabled and set it up at the front lines, and as one gets shot, that one pops off and a new one pops up from underneath to continue reporting on the battle scene until that one gets shot, and so on. Once you run out of disabled, simply bring in the radio-controlled mobile dispenser and refill it, and send it back out again.

Naturally, the most socially useless disabled should be the first sent to the front lines, which of course means the Muslims and Pikeys, followed by skinheads and various disabled graduates of your criminal justice system.

Pitch Black Nightmare Monster ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-08 01:18:55

Totally belated Xmas & New Year grindings to Mr C & Mr BB/BS/etc. At least I got round to it before next year.

x ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-02 11:55:22

Not the only Old Bloke who is still to be seen persisting about the surface of the planet, objective unidentifiable, purpose of continued survival obscure... but here I am anyhow, all the best for the New Year Mr X

Mr C ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2018-01-01 19:25:30

Oh. And MERRY CHRISTMAS, from one despiser of religions to another.

Blackhearted Bastard ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2017-12-25 21:06:09

Oh. And MERRY CHRISTMAS, from one despiser of religions to another.

Blackhearted Bastard ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2017-12-25 18:01:10

What? After my telling you about the huge alien space ship that I saw, you still don't think They're Heeere? I hope that next big fat female bum you encounter has sharp teeth inside it, gnashing away.

But right now the only aliens I'm really concerned about are the ones coming in across our border with Mexico. Australia really has it good, all isolated out in the middle of the ocean like that, way too far for those rickety ships filled with foul-smelling, filthy African Muslims who keep landing on European shores. That the Italians actually go out of their way to save those parasites from drowning has never ceased to amaze me. What a stupid lot!

And your government, bringing them in by the crapload. I think "crapload" is apt, don't you? We got rid of our craploader and his man-wife, when are you people going to follow suit? Are we going to have to invade you and make you a colony to straighten out your mess for you? Maybe a hefty tax on your tea is in order...

Blackhearted Bastard ON Wierd Perves       Dated:2017-12-25 17:59:00