Page 11

The ramblings of a sleezy old git

Bloggoth Mission Statement:

We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower

Black hole forms in Dyson vacuum cleaner

I was really pleased with my new Dyson cleaner, said Mrs Williams of Swansea, it never lost its suction just like the advert said.

Then a few weeks ago I found it wasn't losing its suction even when it was unplugged. Imagine my suprprise when I looked through the perspex and saw this tiny black hole spinning away in there doing its galaxy devouring things, albeit in a very small way. My Dyson was even better after that, I could clean my whole house and not have to pay for any electricity and the dust container never needed emptying either. It was quieter too, just a sort of cosmic hiss.

Unfortunately, I accidentally sucked up my son's pet white mouse yesterday, so if any kind alien beings in a dimension beyond our time and space come across it, I would be very grateful if they could return it, as there is a little boy here who is very upset.

Bloggoth has emailed the Physics Research Centre near Abingdon in Oxfordshire for an explanation but has so far had no reply. We had no replies to our previous queries about the lady in Aberyswith whose hair was badly burnt when her hair dryer started emitting solar flares, or the electric toothbrush that triggered a nuclear fusion reaction in a Cardiff man's mouth either. They are a waste of public money.

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SILLY

This blog is silly. As is this one. You can never have too much silliness in my view.

What better way of celebrating?

I see our marvellous representatives have just voted themselves even more tax free expenses.

Timely. The real reason we burn effigies of Guy Fawkes on 5th of November is because the useless bastard FAILED to blow up parliament. Here's an idea for a real November 5th celebration, why don't we blow up parliament? Wheeeee! Oh look! there goes Jack Straw arcing across the sky! what a display! Ooooooh! Aaaaaaaah! Gosh! doesn't Brownstuff's face look improved when detached from the fat body? Hurraaaaaah! That looks like {He Whom It Would Be Morally Justifiable To Stab Although I Am Not Personally Calling For His Stabbing}'s leg arcing across the Thames, you can tell by the tough but sincere expression on the kneecap!

County Hall is washed away in a huge tidal wave of excrement, pus and crass stupidity as John Prescott is blown up during Guy Fawkes celebrations

PS. We would probably have to postpone it a while until we can manage to catch them because parliament went into the Christmas recess on September 30th shortly after returning from their summer recess on September 1st which began on May 30th just after the Easter recess.

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Misc ramblings - Young Winston and disabled animals

Went down the greenhouse just now, totally forgot why and stood at the door for ten minutes. Shades of the memorable scene in Young Winstone where the siphilitic Randolph is rambling in the commons and trails off "I must have had a reason". Senility is not half as good a reason for forgetfulness as Siphilis though, as you never had any fun catching it.

Actually, I did not spend ten minutes wondering why I was there, I went off into one of my usual mental irrelevancies thinking about disabled animals. Recently we have had a nearly blind old sparrow at the bird table. Adult male sparrows all look much the same but this one looked different, really fat and old and his eyes were almost closed, he clearly cannot see very well. Sparrows act almost like one animal, they are all there and then suddenly there's a whirr and they are all gone in response to some real or imagined danger. Then, 20 seconds later they all suddenly appear again. All except this one. When the others went he just sat there munching seed, looking vaguely around with a sort of "what's all the fuss?" expression. Nature is merciless to the weak they tell us but he is still around. The last week Mrs Pheasant has been hopping around on one leg. Nothing obviously wrong with the other but it is clearly too painful to use. She manages.

Oddest of all was the three legged frog we had in the pond a couple of years ago. It only had the one back leg and had obviously never had a second as there was no stump and its body was completely smooth at that point, yet it was a good sized adult. You would imagine it would swim in circles but it didn't. Clearly something in its tiny froggy brain was capable of adapting to the situation.

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A real citizenship test

It is perfectly true that many immigrants are economically useful people who fit in in our society. If we had ever had proper checks on suitability to filter out the others we could probably have had a mixed race andeven a multicultural society with few problems. Is anyone else bothered if his accountant or insurance man is black or worried about what Hindus or Sikhs are up to in their temples? Me neither.

It is the other sort admitted by a totally lax system that concerns most of us and harms few more than the decent migrants because it feeds predudice. Every time we see the predictable complexion of the perpetrators of another shooting it makes it harder for a young black man to get a job. Every militant ranting about Shariah law in the UK makes it harder for the ordinary Asian businessman, Muslim or not, to further his business.

If one criticises migrants at all somebody will probably pop up and say we have plenty of problems in our own society. Totally true, but that is to miss one essential point, nationality. We are stuck with our own unproductive and criminal citizens but we have no duty to take those from other nations. As far as it is possible, we should have checks in place to ensure that migrants are NEVER criminals, NEVER anything less than a significantly positive economic asset and NEVER any sort of threat to our important traditions and values. Migrants should not be as good as citizens, they should far, far better. The fact that we have problems is hardly a good argument for importing more.

I think the thing that concerns many of us is the way that those things we have managed to acheive are being undermined and the clock is being turned backwards, sometimes to previous centuries. Yes, we have major problems with drugs but we never expected to have to deal with witchcraft again. Yes, we have problems with white paedophiles but we never expected to have to deal with large scale genital mutilation of young girls. All of the progress towards a more tolerant society that accepts the private sexual practices of consenting adults as their own business, that aims to give women an equal place in society and that believes in humane treatment of animals is being threatened, mainly by Muslims and Afro-Caribbeans.

We need proper checks. There should never be an automatic right to either citizenship or residency on any grounds and nobody should be considered for citizenship unless they have been here five years. They should be free of any serious communicable disease, of proven economic value (taking account of ALL factors, such as medical problems or non-working dependents), have no significant criminal record and adequate English.

In addition, we need some test of attitude and committment to our society. We already have a nationality test and what a LOAD OF BLITHERING NONSENSE it is, exactly what you would expect of this government. There are some questions that many totally British sorts would not know the answers to (do YOU know what percentage of the population are under 19?), they can all be mugged up on and most importantly, they are utterly irrelevant. Who cares if people know about accents in Liverpool? Surely it is their attitudes to such things as free speech, equal rights for women or secular government that matter?

We cannot expect applicants to be philosophers and need to assess these attitudes by suitable real life questions. My own (mostly serious) citizenship test is below. You could argue that this too is worthless as some will lie. I believe that serious posers of questionaires can frame sets of questions that show up deliberate lies but in any case, why not allow citizenship to be revoked at any time if any information supplied to obtain it proves to be false?

Please answer all the following questions

Is a woman of equal value to a man with an absolute right to make all her own lifestyle choices?
In particular, should a woman be totally free to find to find the mate or sexual partner of her choice, whether within or outside of her own culture?
Is it acceptable to perform any form of genital mutilation or modification on children without medical justification as determined by a qualified doctor?
Should homosexual activity by consenting adults conducted in private be made illegal or should such men be legitimate targets for violence?
Is it ok to slaughter animals for purely ritual reasons?
Is it ok to slaughter animals by non humane methods because religion or custom so prescribes?
Do you believe that people can be inhabited by demons or bewitched and that such possession or curse can be lifted by physical chastisement of the affected person?
Should any person, regardless of religion, be completely free to leave that religion or convert to another without legal sanction or deserving any form of abuse?
Do you believe in the secular state?
Do you believe in democracy?
Do you believe that individual freedom should only be curtailed where there is a rational and proven reason, either to protect others or for the general good of society?
Do you believe in the right to free speech provided it is not intended or likely to promote violence or hatred and does not abuse individuals?
Should state laws and the justice system be impartial and not favour any particular creed or belief system?
Should religious or community leaders threaten consequences (in this life or the next) to influence votes in UK elections?
If visiting friends and relatives in Africa have you ever come back with a big suitcase full of dead rats?

Scores. Add one point for each correct answer

Yes
Yes
No
No
No
No
No
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
No
Either answer is acceptable because, despite the health risk, we need a laugh now and then

Outcome of your application

15 points. Welcome to the UK. On payment of £1000 to the New Labour election fund naturally

0 to 14 points. Sod off and come back in 200 years when you have caught up with civilisation.

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Losing out in the crime stakes

I am ashamed to be White british.

Watching Crimewatch again last night and although the efforts of my kind seemed more in keeping with population proportions than usual, given the rest of the news and the official statistics this is probably just a tiny blip in our complete failure to keep up with our marvellous immigrants and minorities. We still have some reasons for pride, our paedophiles are the envy of the world, we are still first rate at swindling old ladies out of their life savings and we are holding our own on rape but other than that it's a dashed poor show. Drive by shootings and gun crime generally, armed robbery, burning wives and children to death, drugs, credit card fraud, benefit fraud, vice trade, street crime, people trafficing, assaulting lady patients under anaesthetic, election fraud and hit and run driving, it's the same story. We are strictly Portsmouth when we used to be Arsenal.

Even worse, we appear to have lost our premier place at what we used to be so great at, totally random and pointless serious violence. At stabbings or kickings followed by stamping on heads we have clearly slipped right down the league. Where did we lose that talent? In the days of empire we were great. We could go away, steal somebody else's entire country before lunchtime and blow hundreds of fuzzy wuzzys to bits before afternoon tiffin. Even a few decades ago you could read your News Of The World in bed on a Sunday morning and feel proud, Ronnie and Reggie (god bless them) murdering people with hats, Mods and Rockers causing mayhem on our beaches, huge brawls on the football terraces at home and abroad and on a good week they would trample a lot of foreign football supporters to death too.

It isn't as though our young do not have potential anymore, the average sink estate is full of promising young British white men on benefits getting drunk, stealing cars, joyriding, breaking windows and feeding cats to their Rottweilers, but that's as far as most of them seem to go. ASBOs are a badge of honour??? darn it! in my young day a young man was nothing until he had got seven years for kicking an old lady to death! Where has the pride gone? I blame lack of investment, why can't that Lord Coe do something about it?

Ah well! I suppose every nation has had its day eventually. At least we are lucky to have so much marvellous talent arriving from the third world every day to show us the way. We should learn from them and maybe one day our nation can have a homicide rate of 32 per 100000 like Jamaica.

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Fifteen minutes in the life of - xoggoth drives to work

Turn off the light, check tap's off in the kitchen. Rattle door to make sure it's closed. Did I turn the damn tap off? Go back and check. Rattle door to make sure it's closed.

Get downstairs. Darn! did I close the door properly? Back up and check. Turn to walk down. Turn back, go in and check I turned the light off. And that the tap's off. Go out. Rattle the damn door, concentrating very hard this time to make sure I remember.

Wait to cross road. Bloody lights! why do they always change to green when I want to cross? Hurry up! Ah, there's a gap, oh no! some fool is tearing to catch up before they change. Impatient bastard!

In van waiting to pull out. Bloody lights! why do they always change to green when I want to pull out? Come on, come on, you useless bastards, hurry up! I want to get there some time this year.

Oh fek, bloody lights! why do they always change to red when I get there? Come on! I haven't got all day.

Bloody road humps, stupid parked cars, why don't you park it six feet out from the curb?, oh! you have! Splendid! Why does everyone decide to come along when I get to the junction?

There you are, a tiny little road that goes nowhere, so let's have 500 people turning right into it and holding us all up shall we?

Look you moron! you are supposed to move off when the light turns green, not wait until it has almost turned red again so that only you will get through!!

Oh yes, now DO decide to press the button on the crossing when you could have walked over just now when there was a big gap in the traffic. If my children were as ugly as yours madam, I would be darned glad to have them squashed.

OH MY GOD! Now a bloody recycling lorry blocking half the road! My half naturally, how did I geuss? Just gifted I suppose. £150k's worth of lorry and wages of three blokes to collect 10 quid's worth of empty plastic Diet Coke bottles. I know why they really do it, to hold me up in the mornings that's why!

Oh no! not a f*ing learner. Why don't the useless bastards do their learning outside of the rush hour? Like 3AM or something. Turn off you twat, turn off!

At last a bit of fast road. Oh bl* *cking hell! A damn bus, stuck behind a poxy cyclist! Go on!! Get by, get by! Knock the c* off! Who cares if he gets crushed beneath the wheels? He doesn't pay road tax so the bastard shouldn't be there anyway!!

Finally, where's my entry pass? Where is it? where sodding well is it???, Ah!. Bloody things. Look, OPEN the sodding barrier will you, look I'm waving the sodding pass, if you can't see it, why don't you get your guide dog to take a look at it?? At bloody last! Ta for nothing dickhead.

Oh f* nowhere to park as usual except miles and miles away. Why do all these damn stupid people park here?why can't they sod off and park further away, like Alaska? Bunch of plonkers!

OH Christ!!! another boring f* day staring at a f* PC screen. I hate this existence, wish I was dead. No I don't, I wish everyone else was dead, it would be a great world then!

I can't wait to go home.

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Global warming taxes - you decide!

All in favour of measures to slow global warming but let's get this straight.

Normally, when a government raises taxes it has something specific in mind to waste the money on, total losers and their spawn, politicians' perks, parasitic civil servants' pensions, extra parasitic civil servants, useless immigrants, wars, extra security to cope with consequences of said wars, donations to fraudulent EU farmers and so on. In this case the taxation itself is the primary purpose rather than the money it raises, they hope to encourage people to be less wasteful of fuel and energy. It is an enormous tax windfall with no prior demands on it.

Let's see, will this tax...

be part of an overall tax neutral package with targetted reductions in VAT to encourage consumers to save energy and buy more efficient goods and in corporation tax to encourage companies to the same ends and also to invest in research and methods to produce more efficient products?
be wasted on MORE total losers and their spawn, MORE politicians' perks, MORE parasitic civil servants' pensions, MORE extra parasitic civil servants, MORE useless immigrants, MORE wars, MORE extra security to cope with consequences of said wars, MORE donations to fraudulent EU farmers and so on?
be spent in some apparently worthy way, e.g. in an attempt to provide a decent public transport system in the UK which will enrich lots of foreign consultants, be collossally overspent, inconvenience us all for years and deliver a system, if it delivers anything at all, that will be so utterly crap that hardly anybody will use it and more taxes will be needed to raise the £5bn needed to bribe Disneyland to take it over as a theme park?
destroy the competitiveness of the UK economy even further requiring more taxes to be raised to support the total losers etc. from a declining GDP and donating even more of our business to the likes of India and China, who won't give a fek about efficiency or climate change, causing a global INCREASE in CO2 emissions just like Brownstuff's destruction of our road haulage business has already?
all of options 2, 3 and 4 with necessity for extra taxes that I haven't thought of?

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HOPE AT LAST!

Happy happy joy joy

Could it really happen?

Happy happy joy joy

Well, don't put it there then!

I am sure I am not the only one who was initially puzzled by news that mobile phones could cause low sperm count for the simple reason that when there was concern about effects on the brain we were left in no doubt that it was close proximity that was the problem. If we used a bluetooth or acoustic earpiece, rather than a wired device that could conduct the electromagnetic radiation, we were assured that there would be no problem. So how could a phone held to the ear possibly affect sperm count?

It is pretty obvious really, unpalatable though the conclusion may be, men are setting their phone profiles to Meeting, sticking them up their arses and then phoning themselves from another mobile or a landline just to get a cheap vibrating thrill!

Naturally, we at bloggoth are not ones to miss out on a bit of bottom perversity but have had a slight problem with our mobile which we bought for £4 in an Age Concern charity shop in 1993.

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News roundup

A danger that sub-aqua divers are familiar with is confusion about direction. Tragic cases of drowning have been recorded where divers, running short on air, have swum downwards in their panic to reach the surface.

This condition has never been heard of among sky divers until yesterday. Shoppers screamed when a local man, a regular sky diver, shouted "Geronimo" and fell upwards in the Arnem shopping centre in Swansea. Fortunately for the man, who has not been named, his impact with the roof 80 feet up was slowed by the Christmas decorations which have been up since August 20th and he sustained only minor injuries.

Police are now examining the files of several other regular sky divers who have mysteriously disappeared over the last five years.

The old joke about people catching computer viruses became reality today when three technicians at an IT support company in Leeds went down with Donut.A. They are stated to be in a stable condition. This is the first confirmed case of a PC virus being transmitted to humans although it is rumoured that Symantec, the US sofware giant which produces Norton Antivirus, has suppressed news of other cases.

A spokesman for the Institute of Medicine told us "We should not be too alarmed by this, as the possibility of transmission to humans, given the very different biology of humans and computers, is extremely low. These workers were at a much higher risk due to constant daily contact with infected machines. We are still not certain of the transmission mechanism since all other cases of viruses crossing the species barrier, such as AIDS, CJD, SARS and Avian flue, have been conclusively shown to be due to horrible foreigners shagging animals. As these computers were in open plan offices this mechanism seems unlikely although we cannot rule out the possibility that these men were rubbing their willies on monitors showing internet porn while they were pretending to work late."

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Extremism as part of democracy

The only blog with a mainly anti-Islamic agenda I bother to read these days is Islamanazi. I agree with the fundamental point that Rastaman makes, that Islam is incompatible with western democracy. In the west we mostly believe, even if we do not always practice it, that laws should be rationally based in accordance with the wishes of the populace, balancing the public good against individual freedoms. Muslims believe that law should be determined by their scripture and this should take precedence over any earthly wishes or freedoms. It is difficult to conceive of a more irreconcilable approach to the direction of society and I see no way that the gap between these cultures can be bridged without one or both sides abandoning some core principles. One may as well talk of reconciling capitalism and Marxism. While I accept their right to order their own societies as they see fit, I am totally opposed to any idea that in our own country it is is us who should do even one iota of the abandoning.

The reason that I read Islamanazi and not some of the others is that, despite the name and the cartoon at top right, (and frankly, the Islamic reaction to those was so extreme it deserved a counter-reaction) you will not find the sort of idiotic "towel-head", "goat fornicators" and "Muhammed was a paedophile" stuff you get in those others. If you look at history there is only one conclusion to draw, that a creed tells you little about the nature of its adherents. Islam totally sucks but all Muslims are not demons. Rastaman has received some flack this week for having a "Support BNP" picture on his blog. As an American I suspect that his knowledge of the BNP is confined to what he has read in the mainstream press. While he is rather uncompromising, I see no evidence of anti-semitism or racism on his blog and believe his motive for the plug is exactly as stated, that the BNP oppose Islam and that is the main priority today.

I really have no idea if Nick Griffin's efforts towards a more moderate stance are sincere or not and it is certainly true that many ordinary BNP supporters are reasonable sorts who simply feel that the main parties refuse to listen to justified concerns. It is very easy to be liberal and inclusive when you are well off and middle class and your experience of other cultures means educated professional English speakers with middle class outlooks, quite another when a massive influx makes you feel like a foreigner in your own neighbourhood, when the newcomers speak no English, refuse to adapt to the society they voluntarily came to and frequently bring high crime levels with them. Those who refuse to accept that last point should check the WHO figures on homicides for the likes of Jamaica, Trinidad, Albania or Somalia - who is committing all those murders, tourists? Even more insulting when legitimate concerns reasonably expressed are brushed aside with the assurance that it is you who are the racist for not adapting to the newcomers.

On the other hand, it has to be said that many on the far right are awful people who are as much a threat to the sort of free society I believe in as Islam; their racism is the genuine article to the extent that they would sooner have a subnormal white murderer than a bright black engineer and they are happy to indulge in intimidation. But extremism is not confined to the right. You do not need to search long on the net to find those who believe we should have an open door policy on immigration and it is hard to conceive of any idea more insane. If that happened there would an enormous surge into the UK of people with few of the skills necessary for work in our economy and in a very short time most would become an unemployed, sullen, resentful and criminal underclass. Our entire economy would suffer and the rule of law would be threatened. The British citizens who would suffer most would be those at the bottom of the economic heap and frequently that is our own minorities. The left too are very willing to use violence when it suits them.

Unpleasant as they may sometimes be, we need the far right to provide a balance to those on the extreme left, both to confront them directly and keep them off the backs of the rest of us and to remind the government of the possible consequences of ignoring the wishes of the ordinary populace too much. Without the possibility that the far right could increase its support, the government would be even more inclined than it is now to ignore the wishes of the general populace and follow the trendy left/liberal policies of those who never have to live with the consequences themselves and the free market ideas of the businessmen who only seek to increase their own profits. If the extremes of the "liberal" left are similarly curbed, or if we ever get a government that listens to those who elect it and pay its wages then I would support banning BNP ads as as they would be an impediment to bridging the gulfs in our society.

We all know that those will never happen, and that being so, we have to accept the far right for the simple reason that they are an essential part of our democracy.

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Rats with nasal whines again

I see that from the TV SE news that the repulsive Kunt Livingstone is planning to go and lend his support to Chavez in Venezuela. It isn't the support for Chavez that bothers me, my problem is about who is paying, as if we couldn't geuss.

I forgot the details of the typically platitudinous left wing crap in the 30 secs it took me to come upstairs, suffice it to say that it has nothing whatever to do with the job he was elected to do as Mayor of London, look after the interests of Londoners who pay his wages not squander their money on his egotostical lefty jaunts.

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Global warming shock - Britain may disappear altogether warn scientists

Scientists have been re-evaluating the calculations behind the grim pictures released last year showing what the rise in sea levels due to global warming could mean for Britain and their conclusion makes for grim reading.

We ignored one important factor, said Dr Ernest Baker of the London Meteorological Institute, and that was the effect of the shifting population on land levels. Although we think of land as solid, it is in fact merely a crust floating on the magma of the Earth's core and, like any floating object, it will settle lower when more weight is added. As the population of the UK is forced to retreat to the uplands, the weight of all the people and their homes will be supported by an ever decreasing land area causing it to sink lower.

Worse still, when 60 million people are all crammed onto Ben Nevis, which the doctor estimates will happen in less than 150 years, the pressure will be so intense that the Earth's crust will give way, plunging all the UK's inhabitants into the Earth's molten interior and causing the first volcano to be seen in the region for over 250 million years.


The UK today	The UK in 200 years according to previous predictions	The UK in 150 years according to latest predictions

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Rats with nasal whines and other animals and small children as a vital part of the food chain

The repulsive money wasting self serving nasal whining Ken Livingstone has now wasted over £226,000 of the London ratepayer's money on his bizarre vendetta against pigeons, his so-called "Rats with wings" in Trafalgar Square.

All that money for what ? If you look on the net you will find comments on local council sites that pigeons can potentially spread disease but if you look for a single actual case you won't find one because there is no evidence that pigeons have ever transmitted disease to humans. What a miserable joyless country we have become under people like this! Contrast with civilised Italy where pigeons mingle among the crowds as they used to in London, much to the delight of the little kids who like chasing them.


Some totally gratuitous pictures of pigeons in Venice and Milan. At the recent wedding, we at bloggoth took 127 pictures of pigeons and none at all of our ghastly relatives. Seen one grinning bride and groom, you've seen 'em all. Pigeons on the other hand are all different and endlessly fascinating.

We need to find ways of preserving our fascinating variety of wildlife in a world where habitats are being increasingly lost to human expansion. What better way can there be than to encourage wildlife to live among us and with us as pigeons do? The only place it really happens in the UK is in the New Forest where the famous forest ponies are often to be found wandering nonchalently among the shoppers in Brockenhurst high street. Let us extend this scheme, not just for the few remaining large British species, but for other large animals that can stand our climate. Join the bloggoth campaign - demand small herds of Wildebeest in our parks, baboons living on London buses and Bengal Tigers in our multi-storey car parks. I think they would very soon adapt and learn to thrive in human society just as pigeons, foxes and hedgehogs do.

It really is gross hypocricy to talk about danger when we are perfectly happy for people in Asia and Africa to put up with such danger just so we can see the animals on "Wildlife On One". We must play our part and from time to time a few small sacrifices may be necessary.

"I totally support the bloggoth campaign" said Mrs Jane Williams in her local park today. "It is essential that some of our wildlife heritage is still there for my little boy when he grows up."

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Breaking news

Isle Of Man to test nuclear weapon

In a surprise announcement today, Mr David Cretney MHK, Minister of the Department of Tourism and Leisure (which doubles as the IOM defence department) declared that the IOM would shortly be testing a nuclear warhead.

The news has sparked calls for other nations to boycott the famous TT races, books and TV series about Thomas The Tank Engine and IOM bed and breakfast establishments if the test goes ahead. A spokesman for the UK foreign office insisted that other measures were being considered and there could be an embargo on other IOM goods and services if they could think of any.

Meanwhile, the blockade imposed on the Isle of Wight after their nuclear test in June has started to bite. "We haven't sold a single glass ornament filled with coloured sand for a month" said Mr Chambers of Alum Bay. In Washington, President Bush has called the two islands, along with St Michaels Mount in Cornwall which is strongly suspected of funding terrorist activity on the mainland, as "A Tiny Axis Of Evil"

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KILL, KILL, KILL THEM ALL!

Who? Well I don't really care, anybody will do.

While on the subject of offending people. I frequently find that sites I want to look at at lunchtime at contract site are blocked, with various explanations like "Category:Extreme". When I look at them at home I always find the "extreme" opinion is no worse than the sort of letter you would get in the Daily Mail. Who is making up these ridiculous lists and do we really need this sort of nannying bollox?

But then I thought of the pathetic negative readership of this blog. Hey! maybe it's because I am not being as offensive as I should be! Nothing like a bit of controversy to get people interested, perhaps if I indulged in lots of hate stuff I could get categorised as extreme and then everyone would be rushing to this blog to read it. Some to agree and some to feel pompously self righteous by being suitably appalled. No matter, they would come. So look out for lots of hate posts and illegal rousings to violence on bloggoth in future.

Starting now. What about those fecking cat owners eh? Who do they think they are letting their revolting little furry psycopaths wander around eating birds in other people's gardens and crapping on their lawns?, why must they pollute the internet with REPULSIVE PICTURES OF CUTE KITTENS? Enough! It is time we stood up to this menace in our midst and took to the streets! Let us hang cat owners from lampposts and tattoo pictures of CUTE KITTENS on their faces with big hammers and chisels to see how they like it. We must not rest until all cat owners, especially those with CUTE KITTENS are eradicated from our society.

Damn! that was good, though I say so myself. I think extreme site of the year is well within my grasp now.

PS: Lest anyone should think we are one issue extremists on bloggoth, let me tell you, you ain't seen nothing yet! We hate people who wear WOOLLY HATS too!

PPS: AND Audi owners, do you know what Vorsprung durch Technik really means? When you find out in a future post on bloggoth you too will want to pull Audi drivers from their cars and beat them senseless with pickaxe handles. Watch this space.

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THEY are all bastards, whoever they are

A lots in the papers and on TV about Borat, the Sacha Baron Cohen film that portrays Kazakhstan in a less than flattering fashion. The country's envoy to the UK has said he found some of it very funny and some less so. Unusual for a comedian in a film like that to use a real rather than a fictional nation.

I notice he picked a little nation without the nuclear bomb (if there still are any countries without the bomb) that does not have hordes of its citizens in the UK (if there still are any countries without hordes of their citizens in the UK). Where is Kazakhstan anyway? Somewhere in south central Asia I think but beyond that I have no idea. Does anyone? Probably why there are so few of its citizens in the UK, they are afraid they could never find their way home again for the Running Of The Jews festival. (What, you mean Cohen made that bit up?) Visions of Khazhaks wandering forlornly about accosting people, "Excuse please, you know way to Kazakhstan?" "Nah mate never 'eard of it, sounds a bit like Afghani or Paki, try down there."

The late Lenny Bruce famously made much use of the N word, arguing that if it was used enough, even when there was no intention to be insulting, it would lose its effect and no black kid would ever need to be upset by its use in a playground again. I wonder if there is anything in that, is it possible that we would all become a lot less sensitive and more able to dicuss serious issues against an endless background of scurilous insults to our nation, our culture, our colour, our race, our religion and our sexuality? We could start in a small way, Ozzie style, with world leaders addressing each other as "you xxx bastard" and working up to the most serious defamations.

It could bring about a marvellous new world. Or a never ending conflict, not sure which. Well worth the experiment in my view. What's the point of having nuclear weapons if you don't use them?

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Oh good grief!

Now a judge has "provoked outrage" among "race relations groups" (read public money wasting feckers) for clearing a Chinese student due to doubt over his identity with the comment "Chinese all look the same". What the hell is racist about that?, it is simply a statement of fact that people of a different race do tend to look rather the same regardless of what race we or they happen to be. I have read similar comment from orientals about us, including the Chinese chap in this case, and I can't say I find it offensive. I daresay if somebody did some research they would tell us the obvious, that we place more emphasis on the major features than on the minor. If the judge was racist, why would he gave cleared the chap?

This sort of politically correct nonsense does no favours to any of us. If there is a "demonisation" of Muslims now it is in part an over-reaction to decades of being expected to say nothing despite what was obvious to most of us, that our own culture and values were being severely eroded. Rather more frankness and honest speaking and a greater willingness of the authorities to address what were genuine concerns by proper control of migrants and an insistence that they at least accept our major values might have led to a less fractured society.

For far too long we been obliged to tolerate, for fear of being called racist, every sort of third world culture no matter how utterly defective or opposed to our own it has been. Not just Islam, but gay hating, anti-feminist, child mutilating, disease ridden, drug-smuggling, people-trafficking and otherwise bloody useless sorts has been allowed in along with the genuinely useful. Now all of a sudden people seem to be waking up and even the mainstream are prepared to point out, in politer manner naturally, what formerly only the far right did, that many of the people we have been admitting from third world countries are absolutely fucking awful! The government appears (or pretends) to be casting off some of its politically correct blinkers, is there any chance it will do what it should have done 5 decades ago and start listening to the concern of the populace? And we in our turn, is there any chance we can try and sort things out without massive unrest?

I am pessimistic. Last night I saw a bit of Spooks on TV that dealt with an extreme Christian group that had declared a holy war on Islam. Easy material for the scriptwriters I daresay but I did wonder if it was ideal material at the present time. I am pessimistic because, despite the apparent message of Spooks that this Christian group were nutters, I know damn well where my sympathies would be if it was a true story and I suspect many felt the same. Maybe this is just stoking up tensions a bit more. We have also had news that a far right group is being prosecuted for possession of bomb making equipment. I certainly hope we do not get attacks on Mosques at the present time - for heavens sake can't we have at least a token attemptat a solution before we go from one extreme to the other? Still, with the thought in mind that we could we have a major bombing campaign in Britain by Islamic extremists, I have to admit to being somewhat comforted by the thought that someone at least is making proper preparations.

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Boy savaged

A young boy is seriously ill in hospital tonight after being savaged by a box of novelty snapping teeth.

"This is a most unusual occurence" said a spokesman for the Royal Toy Society today. "Normally such teeth, if they work at all, just snap for a few seconds before they stop or fall off the table, but in this instance the lad hit on the idea of winding each one and putting them under a cushion so that they would all start snapping at once when it was removed. Unfortunately, because there were so many snapping together it triggered their natural pack instinct with the tragic consequences we have seen today"

Parents have been advised to allow children no more than three sets of teeth at any time. The snapping teeth involved have all been destroyed.

A pack of teeth similar to those involved. We would like to point out that the teeth involved in the incident are not from this manufacturer, who assure us that all their funny teeth are not only neutered and non-agrressive but fully house trained.

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A Picasso, an elbow and a prick on the chin

There is little more gauranteed to arouse the ire of xoggoth than desecration of an irreplaceable work of art or part of our heritage. Some great work gets slashed or stolen, some castle gets burned down by an old grace and favour fool using a candle and I hit the roof. "They should be shot, tortured, mangled into tiny bits..." "Calm down" says the missus "not as though they have murdered somebody". Murder? Murder? what is mere murder?, there are billions of people, we are talking about something unique!

So news that a man accidentally put his elbow through a Picasso should have me incandescent. Hmmm. Yeh, but it is only a Picasso. No, I am not anti-modern art. When you think about it, strictly representative art became pointless once photography was invented. Art should be about expression and had this been a Blake or a Dali my usual ire would have been aroused. I would have fulminated, to a slightly lesser extent, had it been a Lowrie or a Hockney or a Hitler. But - well, it's a Picasso!

Look at this. Ok, the small size may help the illusion, but is that a serene women mostly facing the viewer? Or, look again, is it a woman facing upwards with an almost erect penis growing out of her chin? Or maybe that's the genious of it and its symbolises our confusion of beauty with the carnal or something. Dunno. Picasso always leaves me cold anyway.

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Things to do

Rachel From North London has a list of 20 things she would like to do before she dies.

Coincidentally perhaps, the Times has an article on what people on their death beds said they wished they had done and most said they wished they had had a lot more sex. Odd that the most sexually repressive religion, Islam, is one where they are told they will get lots of sex AFTER they die. Maybe we are not so different, it's just a matter of timing. And reality.

Corrupt

{He whom It would Be Morally Justifiable To Stab Although I Am Not Personally Calling For His Stabbing} and Margaret Becket have been claiming umpteen thousand in tax free expenses despite being provided with free housing. Naturally we at bloggoth have forgiven Margaret already but as for that other bastard....

However much costs go up for the rest of us, no matter how the value of any tax free element becomes eroded by fiscal drag, the bastards at the top always manage to award more perks to themselves.

No it is not illegal, but then neither is a dictator providing himself with a palace while his people starve, since he is the law what he does is by definition legal.

Yes there is an enormous difference between grabbing thousands of pounds in tax free expenses and building palaces in a poor country, but the difference is one of degree, not of kind.

They are CORRUPT!

PS: If you are thinking that this is just an excuse to mention the gorgeous Margaret you are right. An excuse for a picture too.

I am just off to the bathrooom now for a wan, erm, I mean a wash. I may be some time.

Meaningless mutterings about meaning

1 Meaningless ritual

I went to a Catholic secondary school run by priests. They were good judges of leadership those priests, and in all the time I was there, and almost uniquely, I was never a monitor or prefect and indeed was rarely given any sort of task, however menial, that required any sort of responsibility.

Just once I had to serve at mass and the occasion went in a way that ensured I was never asked again. I had to go and fetch the priest's clean vestments and on the way over the playground I dropped that stiff wide thing that goes round his neck, the chasible or maniple or something like that, and trod on it. He had to conduct mass with a muddy footprint bang in the middle.

That was bad enough but I had no idea what to do as they never rehearsed us, I suppose they imagined that as I had been to mass at least every week for over ten years I should know. Damned unfair not to warn me I thought, if I had known I would have paid attention just once, but in all those years I had never managed to grasp what everyone else seemed to, when to stand up, when to sit down, when to kneel. I would just wake from my daydreams and follow everyone else with a noticeable lag, like a younger version of Corporal Jones in Dad's Army. My serving at mass went the same way, with noticeable lags, collisions in the middle with my fellow altar boy and audible hissings by him of "over there, over there."

Not that I am a total stranger to meaningless ritual. There is my sacred van kit. My van must be equipped at all times with everything necessary to cope with all conceivable emergencies - tools, sleeping bags, blankets, toiletries, pen knives, cutlery, spare underpants and a host of other things lest the apocolypse should come while I am driving to Cleethorpes. No 1 son borrowed the van's lighter the other week and I was in a state of acute anxiety until he replaced it. No, I don't smoke, but what if I got stranded on a moor somewhere and needed to light a fire?

I do not kid myself that this has any meaning, rather it is just the hovering edge of mental illness. But are the meaningless rituals of religion actually any different? Is there any real distinction between checking three times that you have locked the door and reciting something three times while facing in a specific direction? I suspect not.

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Insulting religion

We don't care on Bloggoth, since they will never leave the rest of us alone, we loathe all religions and are happy to insult all their invented sacred figures.

Look at this picture of Mithras supposedly killing a bull. Do me a favour, I know a god having a bull up the arse when I see one!

Darn it

caught a bit on TV this morning with Richard Attenborough (does he ever comb his hair?) about the dawn chorus. Why do birds do it? Checking for rivals? Joy at a new day? Maybe they are calling each other to prayer and birds are all Muslims! Have you noticed too how cattle will all face the same way while grazing? Anyone checked which way? Maybe, unbeknown to us, animals all over the UK have been converting. Watch out for beheaded badgers.

Another Bloggoth Exclusive

A ruling in the Law Lords

I apologise for the dull nature of this thread. Those bored by dry legal comment should avoid it as you will get the news through the papers soon enough.

Bloggoth has been alerted to a case that was resolved in the Law Lords on Friday which will have a potentially devastating impact on use of the internet by all of us in the UK and which may eventually have implications further afield. In consideration of the case of Jensen Holdings vs Alan and Scwartz [2006] 1EG74H17, the law lords have ruled unanimously against the appellant.

The background to the case is that Jensen Holdings attempted to claim damages for disruption to their business caused by a trojan written by the two hackers. The court agreed with the former but the decision was overturned in the appeal court.

Jensen Holdings was granted leave to take the case to the law lords. The barristers for the respondents successfully argued that the downloads onto the appelant's machines had estabished prescriptive rights over parts of their hard discs and that the respondents therefore had a legal right to use it for their own purposes. The law lords agreed that the period for establishment of such rights must relate to the life of the item over which rights were claimed and the four months that the material had been allowed to remain on the discs was a sufficient proportion of the 14 months that most PCs are kept before replacement.

The ramifications of this judgement are enormous. Unless the case is overturned by the European court, everything that you download onto your PC in future, every webpage you look at and every email you receive, will establish prescriptive rights over your computer by those providing the files unless you delete them within a short enough period. This will allow big companies to use distributed processing techniques to host their sites and programs on your machine and since they have such rights you will not be allowed in law to turn it off. Any technical faults impinging on their rights will also have to be repaired at your expense within a short period if you are to avoid a claim for damages.

You have been warned.

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For Pete's sake shut up about the veil!!

I don't have much inclination to comment seriously on the news these days, one reason is that I am stuck with a slow GPRS modem in the week and FTP problems mean I can only upload by a laborious backdoor method that tries my almost non-existent patience. If I wait until the weekend the news can be days old and other blogs have done it to death.

No such worries with the Muslim veil thing though. I turned on the BBC news channel yesterday and there it was again! Checked "The Papers" on Ceefax this morning and it seems The Mail and Express front pages are banging on about the sodding veil! How many weeks has this been going? Still, it solves my little problem; as comment about the veil is never ending I can post an item about it every week safe in the knowledge that I am always being topical.

Actually, I think I shall cease Bloggoth altogether and just have a Muslim veil page. Is the Muslim veil a problem for acne sufferers? Does the Muslim veil frighten horses? How does one pick one's nose under a Muslim veil? What happens if you sneeze while wearing one? Is it permitted to lift the veil in mixed company to get rid of a wasp that has crawled beneath it? In the aforementioned dilemna, would it be a pertinent consideration if the wasp has just stung a pig or an atheist? Would it be permissible to use a secondhand veil from a Catholic nun if you died it black or would some purification process be needed?

As I have said before, it seems a distinctly unimportant issue. These are the things about Islam that matter:

Muslims believe that the written words of men in a previous millenium are a suitable guide for present society
This might not matter if we were talking about some general or founding principles of morality, one does not have to be religious to appreciate the relevance of the last seven of the ten commandments for example, but
Muslims believe that these words should dictate society down to considerable detail. It is as though the 7th commandment, instead of telling us we should not steal, laid down the conditions necessary for conviction and the penalties to be meted out for the crime
This might not matter if we were talking about rules applied by Muslims to themselves but
Islam does not accept the separation of religion and state as other faiths do. While there are many states where religion has a strong influence on law, the only theist states where religious dictat is the official basis for state law applicable to all are Islamic states
This might not matter if those states were tolerant of other faiths or of none, but
They are not. To a greater or lesser extent non-Muslims are second class citizens. In Saudi Arabia you can be arrested for practice of any other religion. Even in moderate Malaysia, non-Muslims are forbidden from attempting to attract converts or raising the children of marriage with a Muslim in their own faith
Perhaps even that might not matter if Islam was an enlightened and rational philosophy but
it is not. There are only ten countries in the world where homosexuality is punishable by death and they are all Muslim countries. No other religion demands death for apostacy or adultery. No non Muslim state officially uses mutilation as punishment for a single act of theft. Even in moderate Malaysia, moves to outlaw rape within marriage have been stopped by Islamists who insist a husband has a right to sex. The idea that a murderer should go free simply by compensating relatives of the victim is quite ludicrous.

The argument over the veil is a red herring. A trivial matter which, in the UK at least, is often a personal preference. The problem is not women wearing the veil. The problem is almost everything else about the religion from its most fundamental basis upwards.

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Bloggoth Exclusive

Enormous increases in numbers of the living dead

I daresay we have all seen various news items about people being prosecuted for claiming benefits or pensions on behalf of relatives who had passed away some time previously. We at Bloggoth thought it would make for an interesting human story, is it always just greed or is there some sense in which these people refuse to accept the reality of the loss? We went along to an estate in London where there have been a number of cases to interview some of these people. We were unprepared for what we discovered; in all the cases we looked at, the accused relatives were innocent and it was simply that the authorities refused to accept the explanations they gave.

The truth is far more shocking! The deceased have been claiming the benefits themselves! It seems that these cases where prosecutions have been brought are just a tiny tip of the iceburg! Completely unnoticed in sink estates throughout the country, the living dead have been multiplying at a fearful rate.

There are several factors that have brought this about. A major one has been the explosion in disability benefits which makes it unecessary to work. Another is the tendency of the more passive dead to lie slumped in front of a television all day smelling bad which is not likely to draw much attention on many of these estates. Thirdly, people prefer not to get involved especially when areas are divided along ethnic lines with little mutual contact, so even when the dead are more active their activities can go unreported. One women we spoke to said that she frequently saw groups wandering about with stiff legs and arms slightly akimbo attacking people and eating their brains. "I just assumed they were Somali asylum seekers" she told us.

What are the implications of this trend for our society? Our fearless Bloggoth reporter spoke to some of the dead and asked the obvious question. Who will you vote for at the next election? It seems they are all New Labour supporters! It wasn't just the disability benefits, Iraq was a frequently mentioned factor. "We just love the way Tony is making so many of our brothers in Iraq and Afghanistan" slurred one before his jaw dropped off.

At this point your fearless reporter was starting to be surrounded and his enormous brain was being eyed in a hungry fashion so he set off a roman candle and made his escape.

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Bloggoth is really really really sorry

I have seen it reported on another blog that Lego has issued an apology after somebody has again distributed a spoof advert of what purports to be a box of Lego depicting Mohammed in a compromising position. Why? surely even radical Muslims are not barking enough to think that Lego would actually release something like that! Another blog reports a Muslim site complaining that a new bulding where alchohol is to be served resembles the Kaaba. It's a cube FFS! there must be bars, brothels, pigs' sheds and public toilets all over the world that resemble the Kaaba in shape. As for the name Mecca, surely they are aware of the other meaning in English? We have had Mecca Ballrooms in the UK with dancing and alcohol for 60 years and the one I used to go to was pretty cubic. Surely this has to be a wind-up!

Still, hard to be sure. We are absolute craven cowards here on Bloggoth so to avoid any misunderstandings we feel that we must avoid offending nice peaceful Muslims and having our heads cut off. From now on anything that Muslims might conceivably take offence at will be accompanied by a disclaimer that no offence was intended and then we will apologise anyway just to be on the safe side.

Please note that this is a picture of Brian Blessed in Flash Gordon just in case the beard causes someone to think it might be a depiction of Mohammed. I am really sorry for any unintended confusion as I have absolute respect for Islam, I really do.

This is an OXO cube and not the Kaaba at all. They have a pork one too apparently. I am really really sorry they should be so insensitive as to use this shape. I have the utmost respect for Islam as you know.

I was reading this book on the Korean war during lunch today and dropped a bit of chicken sandwich on it. I mention this in case a passing Muslim saw it and thought I had been eating a pork sandwich while reading the Koran. I am really really really sorry if this unfortunate accident gave a wrong impression as I have such stupendous respect for Islam.

Bloggoth would also like to apologise unreservedly in advance on behalf of the UK and the entire western world for all the things that will offend Muslims in the coming week. I have the most enormous respect for Islam.

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News Flash

Government plans a DIY NHS

Many have been concerned of late about the news of increasing waiting lists in the NHS and have been demanding effective action by the government. In another explosive exclusive, bloggoth has discovered a new government plan to tackle the problem.

Firm plans are in place for the NHs to avoid carrying out most minor or cosmetic operations from next year by requiring patients to perform them themselves at home using an NHS kit available on prescription. Any operation which may be performed using one of these kits will no longer be provided under the NHS with a few exceptions for the very elderly or the chronically ill.

Bloggoth was shown one of the kits today, "NHS varicose vein kit three". In addition to a set of intructions, there is a disposable hypodermic containing a local anaesthetic and a small scalpel. We are not experts on surgery but it looked inadequate to us, what about stopping bleeding or sewing the wound? We were assured by the government health expert that this is all covered in the instructions and the user will be required to find some of the necessary items himself, including a soldering iron to cauterise the wound and a sewing kit. The instructions also recommend that a cucumber or large baking potato is used for practice before any operation is undertaken on the person.

Bloggoth managed to talk to a couple of volunteers who took part in the pilot program in Swansea.

The idea was daunting I must admit said Mr Hoe but after just an hour's practice using a couple of tomatoes and a length of string I found my vasectomy surprisingly easy. They tell me the pain and swelling will subside in a couple of months.

I had some misgivings said Miss Jones but I'm glad I went ahead with my nose job. I used to have an enormous hooked nose but just an hour later, not counting the several hours I spent practicing with a horse radish, I had a lovely little upturned one. I am currently using another NHS kit to cope with the gangrene, one has to supply one's own TCP unfortunately, but I'm sure it will be ok very soon.

A government source who declined to be named said that if the scheme proves successful it will be extended to cover major operations such as hip replacements and heart transplants.

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Kitten torturing traditions part 2

To all fellow cute kitten haters - what you have been waiting for! Not quite as I said, the kitten torturing in Milan turned out to be just more dull stabbing, but I have something better! The "Angeli di ballista del guitano di Venezia", literally Venetian ballista kitten angels.

Anyone who has been to Venice will have seen the numerous masks and puppets on display, one of the most common is in the form of a cat. There is a story associated with this but that's just the one they tell the tourists.

The real story is a little darker and originated during the first siege of Venice in 1143 when the citizens were besieged by the Hungarian army and came so close to starvation they were forced to eat their own pets. The Hungarian general taunted the Venetians by firing kittens from a ballista over the roof of the Basilica di San Marco. One of the bishops made a prophecy that if any of the kittens was impaled on the griffin above the entrance of St Mark's it would transform into an avenging angel and Venice would be spared. Unfortunately it never happened and Venice fell but Venetians have been trying to impale kittens on the griffin ever since in the belief that the Bishop's prediction is still valid and that the deliverance today will be from the flooding that is now threatening this great city.

Here you see the expectant crowd waiting as another kitten is fired at the church. This was the second of four kittens, which is traditionally the number fired between the the bishop making his prediction and giving up waiting. The Hungarians were running very short of kittens by that time.

This is a great shot I managed to take from almost underneath the griffin. As you can see they came darn close this year. Unfortunately, the citizens were disappointed yet again and will be hoping for better luck next year.

You are probably wondering why the church has a statue of Buzz Lightyear on the top. I did ask but nobody seems to know.

By the way, if some of you have been to Venice you will be saying that that is not the Piazza Di St Marco although it does look a bit like it and that they are not even firing at the church. You are right. Some decades ago they decided that attempting to impale kittens on a gold-leafed griffin using a ballista did not help the tourist trade, especially given the large number of sentimental British that go there, so they moved the event to a smaller and much less well known square in the North of the city. As theBishop had said nothing about the griffin having to be actually attached to St Marks they felt able to move it to the front of what is now the leisure centre without voiding his prophecy. The one now on St Marcs in the Piazza Di St Marco is a fibreglass replica.

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Book reviews

I have been seriously concerned of late about the lack of attention given to Islamic publications and feel that this is contributing to the barriers between our societies. I would like to correct this with some reviews of several excellent books on miscellaneous subjects by Muslim authors.

"Islamic cooking - a guide to Shariah food" by Abdul Iqbal. This is an excellent book containing some of the tastiest permitted recipes from around the Islamic world. Chapter 5 - "8000 Haram things you are not allowed to eat and 37 different ways of preparing them" and Chapter 6 - "Islamic cooking and the injustice of the crusades" are particularly good.
"Shariah DIY for beginners" by Iqbal Faisal. An informative guide for the less skilled, it covers such essential topics as making your wives wallpaper the lounge, making your wives unblock a drain, making your wives lay a woodblock floor and the injustice of the Crusades.
"Pig breeding for believers" by Muhhammed Faisal Iqbal Muhhammed-Bloggs. Chapter one is rather short, simply explaining that believers are not allowed to breed pigs. Chapters two to ten cover the role of pigs in the injustice of the crusades.
"Caring for your dog" by the same author. Another useful work along the same lines but with a much expanded section on the injustice of the crusades and greater emphasis on dogs.
"The Seven Jihadis" by Abdul Faisal Abdullah-Ahmed. This, the only fictional work I have had time to review, is a retelling of the mythic tale that began as The Seven Samurai in Japan and became The Magnificent Seven at the hands of Holywood. In this version seven men ride to the aid of fellow believers in a small village that is being terrorised with beauty contests and other barbarities by the evil Zionists and their lackeys, the Great Satan of the US. By cunning and skilful use of geurilla tactics the heros score a great victory over the immensely superior forces of the enemy and force them to withdraw. Unfortunately one of the heros is shot when the pram he is hiding behind rolls forward. Unfortunately also, the villagers all kill each other afterwards in a savage civil war over the meaning of verse 137 of the Koran. As with the western version a highlight is the moral homilies between the action, the 36 page discussion about the injustice of the crusades is especially good.
"A Muslim guide on how to draw and paint" by Iqbal Muhhammed Faisal. Covers all the essential techniques for those not actually allowed to depict anything interesting. Each chapter skillfully builds the techniques of drawing and painting tessaracts. By the end of the book even the most talentless should be skillfully painting tesseracts that capture the injustice of the crusades.
"A dress for every occasion". This is a guide to devout Muslim women on what to wear and more just a short booklet really but well worth a mention. Section one covers dress to wear while shopping, a demure all enveloping black dress with a slit for the eyes. Sections two to ten, on such occasions as going to stand outside the mosque, visiting relatives (apart from one's first cousin - see section 25) etc. are just headings, being marked "See section 1". Sections 11 to 24 are short headings detailing all the occasions and places such as the beach, football matches and so on that a devout Muslim woman is not permitted to go to anyway. Section 15 is headed "Dress for when a women is alone with her first cousin (husband)" but that is too indecent to be discussed so instead there is a brief paragraph on the injustice of the crusades.
"Inside the mind of Hitler" by Iqbal Abdul Muhhammed Faisal Abdullah. With a forward by Mel Gibson. A novel perspective on the monster that reveals that, despite rightly loathing the Jews for the blood sucking inhuman monsters they are and the way they cause all the troubles in the world, he never actually laid a finger on any of them and after the war they were all living peacefully in rural Germany. Covers some little discussed points including the Nazi's appalling treatment of homosexuals who should never have been starved to death like that. They should have been beheaded. Himmler's role in the injustice of the crusades is extensively covered.
"The injustice of the crusades" by Faisal Iqbal Muhhammed Faisal. I have only just started this book so am not yet sure what it is about. I will appraise it thoroughly and report back at a later date.

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The fundamentalist agnostic

People always imagine that once today's big threat is out of the way, everything will be great but it never is. Today the bete noire is fundamentalist Islam but before that we had communism and before that, Fascism, and before that the European empires and before that the Inquisition and so it goes on. When Islam calms down there will be some other great ism to vex us. It is not just the great ideas either, there is always somebody pursuing their own rigid ideas on education or safety or whatever their pet obsession is and imposing them on the rest of us.

The real conflict is between those of who take a pragmatic view and just do what appears to work and the BELIEVERS who are always convinced that their views are the right ones. And because they are so convinced it is they who make all the running. ENOUGH! It is time we wishy washy pragmatists and non believers and not surers and don't really knowers and can't be bothereders stood up and siezed control! It is time WE imposed our non-views and lack of any ambition or desire to dictate to others on the world. When I am world president (I will be known as "really really lovely dear and jolly handsome too leader") these are some of the laws I will enact:

All places of worship will be demolished, religious objects will be destroyed and practice of any religion will be forbidden. Everyone will be forced to go to the space where the nearest church/mosque/temple used to be for one hour every week when they will be obliged to wander about aimlessly going "There must be more to life than this"

All statues of prominent or influentual individuals like Nelson, Marx or Lincoln will be destroyed to avoid inspiration to those who might be tempted to follow them. Statues of minor local figures will be permitted but even then any tendency to hero worship must be suppressed. For example, an inscription "A kind and popular lady" would need to be followed by something like "who fed her Great Danes on very cheap dog food".

Language will be rigidly controlled to avoid all certainty. After a six month period it will be a criminal offence to use words or phrases like "must" or "have to" without a qualification like "if". School curricula will avoid any form of certainty whatever.

Eventually every book, ever song, every play or film script will be examined by my editors and extensively edited or dubbed as necessary to avoid any depiction of determination and belief, for example the Queen song "We will rock you" will become "We might rock you provided we are both in the mood but then again we might not".

Films like True Grit, with their implicit assumptions about right and wrong or even that there is an absolute right or wrong will not be released without extensive redubbing. "Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!" will become "I have made a logical decision that for the moment it is necessary and expedient to shoot you and I suggest that we proceed immediately because the circumstances that led me to this conclusion may not remain valid with the passage of time and I may have to re-evaluate"

Some chap lays a wreath on the London tomb of the unknown bloke who probably did something once. The tomb is now in the bowling alley.

Children will be drilled in uncertainty from a very early age. Here some nursery school children begin to learn their tables. All together, once two might be two, two twos might be four, three twos might be six...

In the revised John Wayne films a man does what it is pragmatically necessary for a man to do only after a systematic review of all the prevailing circumstances and a thorough assessment of alternative options.

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Bloggoth Exclusive

Another terror threat

This is fresh in from one of bloggoth's extensive contacts at Reuters. Following coordinated raids in the US, the UK and Germany, it has been revealed that a new form of terror is about to be unleashed upon the world. The terror has been dubbed "The Toilet Bomb" by the CIA.

According to sources, terrorists frustrated by the ban on any form of liquids on flights to the US, some of which may be mixed to produce an instant bomb, have now found the means of swallowing harmless liquids which explode on being exposed to air after passing through the body. Effective from tomorrow, all toilets on international flights to the USA will be sealed for the duration of the flight. Passengers on long haul flights are being advised to refrain from drinking any liquids for at least 24 hours before departure.

Security sources in Washington and London would not comment today on rumours of an even more deadly edible paste explosive that explodes on contact with tissue paper.

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An obvious trend

Looking through some of the blogs in My Favourites recently I have become aware of a trend. No, not the increasing tendency away from the sort of idiotic political correctness that views every gangster from Somalia as a worthwhile citizen of the UK nor the growing realisation of the true nature of Islamism nor the tendency of political parties to stop even pretending they have any motive other than gaining power, I am referring to something much more important!

Take a look at these bits of screenshots:


	Here we have a bit of Wolfie's blog. Writes some thoughtful and informed articles on the rare occasions he gets round to it. Not sure how old he is exactly but from photos and comments, youngish.
	Here of course is a snippet of my blog. What can I say to capture the shear brilliance of it in a few words that is not readily apparent?
	And here is a slice of George Barnsby's blog. Mr B is very anti the Iraq war but unlike most of us actively campaigns against it for which I quite admire him. Pity about the Marxism! He says he is 87.

That's right! the size of the text is a dead giveaway to our respective ages and failing eyesight! What a fool I have been not to notice before! This is most important since my main motive for blogging at all is the hope that female readers will be so impressed by my brilliant expositions on wasps and slugs that I will be deluged with emails offering me a shag! But all this time I might just as well have been writing a website that smells of pee and linament!

No more! Look out for a revamp soon using tiny text, is there a "Virile" font? And that "Ramblings of an old git" will have to go - how did that get there? I may even have to sacrifice my beloved Zombie in favour of a real picture of me.

That's me on the right ladies! Yes it is, honest!

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Why do people hate America? Oh really?

Spent a lot of time travelling last week and had finished my novel so borrowed "Why do people hate America?" by Ziauddin Sardar and Merryl Wyn Davies. The plug on the front by The Independent gave a clue to its nature as did the name of one of its authors - evil lot those Welshmen. Still, do not judge a book by etc. and it is an interesting subject so I gave it a go.

It is perfectly obvious why people hate America since Bush got in. Iraq, Kyoto, Guantanamo Bay and the "axis of evil" and "you are with us or against us" speeches. Indeed, since Bush took over, I dislike America myself and I used to be a major USophile. The Christian right behind him look like Islam without the beheadings and not the leaders of a "land of the free" I used to admire. Perhaps it never really existed.

But I was really interested in the reasons before 9/11. One-sided support for Israel is an obvious one but other than that I could not think of much apart from the CIA sponsored coup that restored the Shah of Iran and that was 1953. I have seen many others advanced including failures to protect Muslims in Kosovo (where were all those brave troops from oil-rich Islamic countries exactly?) support for corrupt governments (so their governments are all our fault?) failure to act over Chechnya (we are expected to risk war with what is still a major power on behalf of people whose "freedom fighters" murder children?), the supposed motivation for Slimy Bin Liner's hatred - stationing troops on sacred soil in Saudi Arabia? (the Yanks get no credit for liberation of an Islamic country even when it was supported by several Islamic countries?) and "attacks on Muslims all over the world" (but pre-9/11 I was not quite sure where these are supposed to have occurred.)

Never mind, this "international bestseller" will tell me all. Gosh! It really is most impressive, I wish I could write with such apparent erudition and command of language. But is there any real substance? The long list of "US military Interventions" in chapter 3 looks like real meat. As I do not suffer from the "injustice of the crusades" mentality that seems to afflict many in the third world I refuse to go back to before 1960 so let's see what these awful Yanks have been up to since. A nuclear threat over USSR stationing of nuclear missiles in Cuba? They would have been damn fools to allow it and as with a number of other confrontations with the USSR during the cold war, why are they specifically reasons to hate the US and not Russia? Troop deployments in Detroit, South Dakota or Los Angeles and fighter planes in the US after 9/11 - what have such national actions to do with anyone else? Operations in Bosnia or Croatia or Macedonia or Somalia? If anyone can find US self-interest in those I would be interested to hear what it was. And worst of all, Yemen 2000, the suicide attack on the USS Cole! Those F* Americans! fancy attacking those nice terrorists with the side of their warship! Yes, there are some real instances here of US interventions in places where they had no business to be, but the list is so padded out with nonsense it loses much of its bite.

Much like the rest of the book. Curiously, what most would think was the major reason, support for Israel, rates scarcely a mention. US control of the IMF? As they provide much of the funding why not? Here's an idea for crappy third world governments, if you don't like the conditions, don't borrow. Spending less on arms and squirreling less away in Swiss bank accounts can do wonders for a national budget. America is also such a hypocrite, how can it possibly criticise bloody dictatorships when their own democracy is so tarnished by those hanging chads? What awful exploitation to undercut Bangladesh's film industry by selling them The Simpsons for only $25k an episode! (*Note) Naturally no critique of America could be complete without mentioning a) McDonalds b) Hollywood films - apparently Shane has a lot to answer for and c) yes, you've geussed it - several pages on THE SODDING CRUSADES.

It isn't totally an unbalanced lefty view and there are valid points but let's be clear what we are talking about here. The book title is not "Why do people dislike America?" and perhaps it should be as it makes a fair case for that. We are talking about hatred. I have my own view why these reasons to dislike an overpowerful state become hatred and that is not mentioned. If you are a corrupt authoritarian government, a ruthless dictator or the Imam of a repressive and unnatural religion, how do you maintain control, cling to power, shore up your own position? You create an enemy, a demon.

The West and the US in particular are simply filling the role of demon.

*Note: Actually that was the one telling point, it seems they charge the UK £250k for an episode of The Simpsons. The bastards! I hate America!

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Warning, warning, item in appalling taste approaching!

Best before

Sitting with missus on our garden seat this evening and she informed me that the insurance company have reduced the amount payable on her life policy. Hmmm. Hope they don't reduce it further or I will have to make a hard decision in event of her sad demise.

Notify the authorities, in which case I can claim on the insurance
Keep it quiet and put her body in the freezer, because, let's face it, I am not going to get any free nookie from anyone else at my age

Oh well, I don't have to decide just yet. I will just make sure I know where her curling tongs are in case I need to thaw the requisite bits out at some time in the future.

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Making ammends for another broken promise

No, fellow kitten haters, not the kitten thing, you will only have to wait a little while until I get the pictures from somebody else with a decent camera. Mine gave up the ghost - COST ME A WHOLE £37 too!!! By way of a bonus you will get some pidgeons and crocodiles thrown in!

The broken promise was the one I made a few months back when the enlightened, progressive and tolerant* xoggoth was under attack by the forces of repression. For those too lazy or stupid to click on the link (you must be Labour voters, what are you doing on my blog? - please fek off immediately!) I promised to provide my expert advice on the use of power tools in making DIY sex aids.

I have been reminded of my lapse by an email from the manager of a hospital in a certain large city in the Midlands. It seems that his consultants have been struggling to cope with a huge increase in intimate injuries as a result of people, mostly male, making inappropriate use of power tools in their search for erotic satisfaction and he feels that my expert advice could significantly reduce the incidence of such incidents. We are very socially aware here on bloggoth and I would certainly hate anyone to repeat what the chap did in the photo he sent me, a big professional drill with a loofah firmly fixed in the chuck - you really don't want to know!

So I am happy to report the first installment of a new article in my astute erotic series.

*Note: oh ok!! - pervy! - you'll be pervy too when you're too old and ugly to get much of the real thing! (for free anyway)

Off to Italy. I will bring you back some dead kitten pictures

Off to wedding in Milan this w/e. I do not plan to bore my non-existent readers with anecdotes on my return, EXCEPT, as usual, I will be reporting on any strange customs that involve torturing kittens, complete with photos. As the world's leading expert in kitten torturing traditions, I know that the Italians have several and the Milanese in particular have one of the world's strangest. Cute kitten loathers should watch this space.

xoggoth dons the veil

In elaborations on his original comments Jack Straw mentioned the way that interactions between strangers can break down barriers.

So Muslim women wearing the veil don't get good morning, miserable weather from nutty old neighbours, cheery hellos from batty middle aged dog walkers and how are you today from dimwitted shop assistants?? Lucky sods!

I did think of wearing a big sign with BUGGER OFF, DON'T TALK TO ME! but thought that was a bit over the top. A veil sounded ideal so I cut up one of the wife's dresses and made myself this.

I think it really suits me.

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OI! That's MY gun!

I see from the DT that there is a new form of supergun that fires a million rounds a minute. The main feature is that the firing is initiated electronically rather than by the usual mechanical percussion method.

Yet again my ideas have been stolen! When I was twelve I made a gun out of some old gas pipe using chlorate and sugar that was ignited by a bit of element from an old iron connected to a battery! OK, it took about 5 minutes to reload for a single shot but that is not the point! The principle of the non-percussion firing mechanism was my idea!

I intend to write to these bastards in Australia who claim to have invented it and demand my share of the profits although I would probably settle for a working prototype. First that revolting fat ginger cat who scares our pheasants. When I've got my eye in (who wants to miss with a million rounds a minute?) the next target is Mr.Pikey Scum!

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Saving a bit of energy

At last the bloody party conference season is over! Might be something worth watching on the TV news now!

How depressing that the two parties who have enraged us or bored us silly for the past two weeks are the only realistic chances for the next government. What a bloody useless waste of space the Blithering Cameron is! I agree wholeheartedly with the green agenda but apart from that there is not a damn thing in the Tory party led by him that is worth voting for. Almost the only bit of what should be Tory policy was voiced by the excellent Boris in his so called gaff when he said people should be free to eat what they like.

At least we have one party that believes in individual freedom, an independent Britain, a distinctive British culture, smaller government, lower taxes, rewarding ability and proper management of immigration. If UKIP are standing in my constituency, they will get my support.

Otherwise, I will be playing a very small part in implementing the Blithering Cameron's only decent policy - saving energy by not bothering to walk up the hill to the polling station.

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A better class of fisking

I actually looked at my website stats the other day. Seemed not so bad, but then I found out that every picture on a page gets counted as a hit. Add in the downloads due to fiddling around with errors I never notice until I've uploaded, plus the time I spend admiring my own work and I figure that the true hit rate is at least MINUS 50 a day! My site is a rich source of illegal cyber immigrants into UK reality! Numerous characters such as wasps with names beginning with w and politicians with long hyphenated names with 'Stabbed' in are pouring out of my site claiming asylum or working illegally as cockle pickers.

Naturally I would like to improve this situation provided it involves no boring work like updating tags, making sitemaps or filling in forms to submit it to search engines. I certainly do not want to move over to one of these "proper" blog things, COMMON people use those! Also I understand they use XML feeds! I am no prude, but really, what has our society come to when somebody goes to all that trouble to develop a special version of HTML just for porn?

Still, I thought I should try and be a bit more with it. It seems from looking at blogs like The Devil's Kitchen that the current rage is "fisking". It's a sort of metaphorical cyber version of fisting where you do not actually get shit up to your elbows. (unfortunately) Anyway, I am sure if I give some article a damn good fisking with lots and lots of profanity I will get loads of admiring readers. I was not really sure what article to fisk as all the controversial stuff, say by Polly Toynbee or that chap in the Daily mail whose name escapes me, is immediately fisked by somebody else. I needed something fairly short to get a bit of practice and this bit from the net about wall insulation seems perfect.

It is often possible to check for wall insulation by removing the cover plates from electric outlets and shining a flashlight into the crack between the outlet box and the wall board.

Oh no It isn't you stupid twat! Why don't you SOD OFF AND DIE???

If the exterior walls are not insulated, there are companies that inject insulation into the wall cavities of older homes. Holes will be drilled in the walls to enable injection, and this may leave some apparent patching, but the energy savings should be appreciable.

You need a hole drilled in your head you feckin kant! PS. You an oo's army?

For additional energy conservation, insulation should also be added to the attic. And if your budget permits, changing to dual pane windows also makes a significant improvement.

Ooooo dual pane windows!!!! Get 'im. Wotta poooooof! PS. oo' you lookin at, wanna make something of it?

I reckon that was quite brilliant though I say so myself. Real cutting edge and much better than the Devil's Kitchen. I can see the hits pouring in now.

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Links to items

Page 11

The ramblings of a sleezy old git

Black hole forms in Dyson vacuum cleaner

SILLY

What better way of celebrating?

Misc ramblings - Young Winston and disabled animals

A real citizenship test

Losing out in the crime stakes

Fifteen minutes in the life of - xoggoth drives to work

Global warming taxes - you decide!

HOPE AT LAST!

Well, don't put it there then!

News roundup

Extremism as part of democracy

Rats with nasal whines again

Global warming shock - Britain may disappear altogether warn scientists

Rats with nasal whines and other animals and small children as a vital part of the food chain

Isle Of Man to test nuclear weapon

KILL, KILL, KILL THEM ALL!

THEY are all bastards, whoever they are

Oh good grief!

Boy savaged

A Picasso, an elbow and a prick on the chin

Things to do

Corrupt

Corrupt

Corrupt

Corrupt

Corrupt

Meaningless mutterings about meaning

1 Meaningless ritual

Insulting religion

Darn it

A ruling in the Law Lords

For Pete's sake shut up about the veil!!

Enormous increases in numbers of the living dead

Bloggoth is really really really sorry

Government plans a DIY NHS

Kitten torturing traditions part 2

Book reviews

The fundamentalist agnostic

Another terror threat

An obvious trend

Why do people hate America? Oh really?

Warning, warning, item in appalling taste approaching!

Best before

Making ammends for another broken promise

Off to Italy. I will bring you back some dead kitten pictures

xoggoth dons the veil

OI! That's MY gun!

Saving a bit of energy

A better class of fisking

Copyright xoggoth