Page 17

The ramblings of an old git

bloggoth Mission Statement:

We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower

Gratuitous inter-species porn

We at bloggoth were so overcome with envy at the admirable filth of Sexylosers.com that we could not rest until we had done a RUDE cartoon strip. OK, it is not very explicit but if you want the real McCoy, with T Rex knobs, Woolly Mammoth axewounds and all, you should know where to send your £10 by now.

Bloggoth announcement

We can no longer be ARSED to add stupid commenty things on each post as nobody ever comments. We will stick in an occasional box like the one below just in case.

Comment box

Post comments here. Money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything critical will be removed.

Rushdie

I have not read Salman Rushdie. It pissed me off as it did many people that he probably picked up a lot of money for the Satanic Verses while the rest of us probably picked up a huge tab for his protection.

Still, who the British government gives an award too is no damn business of Pakistan or Iran or any other damn uncivilised country or barbaric religion where mere words are met by violence, violence moreover which is often directed randomly against any covenient target rather than the actual perpetrators of the insult.

Three cheers for Sir Salman!

Up yours, you other bastards!

PS. In view of what looks like a clear incitement to violence by a member of the Pakistan government isn't it high time we brought in strict restrictions on travel to and from Pakistan and Bangladesh? In the present circumstances it is not in the interests of our security to permit such free flow, or to continue granting residence to wives/husbands of arranged marriages and numerous relatives (or "relatives" in some cases I know of) to continue.

PPS. Any marriage that is not with the absolutely free consent of both partners should not be recognised under British law in any case.

PC is good?

We nasty right wingers love to rail against political correctness, it is our Bete Noire, but it has to be admitted that there are many occasions when it is the only rational response.

It is a problem when it leads to insane national policies, like the belief that unchecked admission of the unskilled from lawless third world countries with cultures hostile to our own is any sort of benefit. Once that mistake has been made (as it has been by the tens of millions) and those unskilled are citizens of our country, we should embrace political correctness and proclaim every belief in them. In the absence of any other solutions (and the BNP and worse would soon find there are none in the modern world) it is to everyone's advantage they become an equal part of our society as quickly as possible.

I suppose that applies to the world stage too, we try and evaluate the possible ways out of the perennial problems, like the Middle East situation or the deteriorating economic situation in Africa and if we are honest (and have at least HALF a brain, unlike certain stupid ex pop stars) we come up empty handed. So we take the PC route and go on believing anyway, hoping that some time, some day, with enough help, those concerned will take the opportunities which only they can take.

But when you see the news, the latest missile attacks from Lebanon or the total failure of South Africa to address the Zimbabwe problem, you do wonder how long even the most politically correct can go on fooling themselves.

Yarf

Found on blog of coven member 12. Ooooh! That's disgusting, how RUDE! We at bloggoth would never link to anything like that! Brill!

NICE little things fight back

Milan airport closed after hares affect ground radar.

Naturally we at bloggoth are most pleased that NICE little things are hitting back at HORRIBLE people. Most will see that as another example, like deer wandering onto motorways, birds striking aircraft, flies falling in your gin and tonic etc. of the way that dumb animals accidentally inconvenience us while going about their business but we at bloggoth know better. That airport incident was planned. Who was in Milan "attending a wedding" only a few months ago?

Are we pitying the real victims?

It may seem a bit superfluous for we at bloggoth, with MINUS 300 hits a day, to mention something on the blog of a significant media celebrity who probably has thousands, but if anyone has not seen Melanie Phillips What really happened in the Middle East and the video she links to, it is well worth a look.

Over the last couple of years we at bloggoth have swung from being pro-Palestinian to being pro-Israeli because, in summary and not to put too fine a point on it, the Palestinians are such a whining bunch of losers. They have preferred to wreck every possible chance of a settlement with suicide bombings and rocket attacks and carry on living in their slum "refugee" camps on international hand-outs rather than display the realism that other groups around the world, like the IRA, have shown and at least attempt a settlement. They have preferred to school their children to be glorious martyrs rather than teach them to try and make something of their lives and their society.

But we always swallowed the view that the Palestinians did have that genuine grievance, that a predominantly Arab population had the land they lived in taken over by European refugees. Not so simple according to that video. No, we are not quite daft enough to take it as impartial or to assume that it is all the absolute truth and we intend to look into the history behind it but from what we have checked on so far we cannot fault it. There were already many Jews in the middle East under what was then the Ottoman (Turkish) empire. There was no Palestine, no Jordan. After the defeat of the empire it became a British protectorate and then was partitioned with only some 6% being allocated to the Jews as Israel. There have been several wars, all begun by the Arabs, to remove the Jews from that 6%.

It is perfectly true that many Arabs would have lived in the area of Israel (and we note that even the video claims that Jews were the majority only in Jerusalem) and in effect had an alien nation imposed upon them, but you have to put that in the context of a large area which had been subjugated by a foreign empire and had no definable national boundaries. On those Arabs who left Israel the video also reports, correctly as far as I can establish, that enormous numbers of Jews also had to flee to Israel from surrounding Arab lands. Enormous problems for Jews and Arab alike but given the mutual distrust between them there were no solutions to satisfy everyone. Partition appears to have been the most sensible solution possible and, given time and a lack of continual hostility by the Arabs, one that eventually could have worked to the advantage of all.

On viewing the video, and seeing the inevitable slides on Nazi Germany, I admit I was irritated. Same old stuff. If Hitler had been boiling Jews alive it would not have been any justification for taking Arab lands. After seeing the rest of the video dealing with the history I grasped the significance. Because of the crazy guilt mentality that infects Western society, most liberal thinking sees the Palestinians as victims with a legitimate greivance. The Nazi associations, the actual dealings between Nazis and Arabs, the words Islamists regularly use today suggest a different truth.

Maybe these are not innocent victims, but rather a people clinging to a malignant anti-semitism that the rest of the world has at least tried to leave behind.

Top

Perplexing puzzle

Unlike English students Scottish students do not pay tuition fees.
Unlike England Scotland provides free drugs to prevent blindness.
Unlike England Scotland provides free care to the elderly.

Lucky Scots, I wish England could be as prosperous as Scotland so it could afford these things. What's that you say? Scotland is the worst performing small country in Europe and getting worse?

That's really strange! where are they getting the money from? Or maybe the question should be, what is ours being wasted on?

It's official, please send presents

Today is the Queen's official birthday apparently. Two birthdays, that's jolly nice isn't it? Does she get presents and jelly and cakes on both of them? If so, we want a bit of that, so we at bloggoth are declaring that today is our official birthday. And tomorrow and the day after that and..

Open message to bloggoth coven member 13

Putting up posts and then removing them eh? Don't think we do not know what you are up to Ms O. We saw Gaslight. Trying to make us think we are mad! Mad! Us. Lots of people try that you know, we are not mad, not at all. That Chernobyl bloke better stop sneaking on here at night too, altering things and changing all the colours.

Shoes

We at bloggoth were most disappointed to discover that that thing about trainers* hanging from power lines as a gang territory marker is just an urban legend.

Damn it, there are cables all over the place in our road and I was planning to chuck my old gardening shoes up there to indicate to all that here lived a real kool tough GANGSTA dude.

Still, just as well I suppose, as they have years of life left in them yet and when they are too worn out by UK standards we can take them to the charity shop for starving kids in Africa.

We are very altruistic and full of love for our fellow man here at bloggoth, only last year we gave Oxfam a pair of old socks that probably fed one of the useless little bastards for a week.

* AKA sneakers for any Yanks present

PS: We did have a photo of us wearing those shoes but felt we could not be responsible for the outbreak of wanton carnality it would have triggered among any ladies viewing.

PPS: Since we cannot do the shoes thing we will have to go back to wearing our incontinence pants on the outside and hope it catches on this time.

Top

Foreign prisoners

On the subject, spare a thought for other countries with a far worse problem than we have in the UK. In San Marino, 100% of the prison population consists of foreign prisoners!!!!

He is probably called Luigi.

Just give us the facts maam

If we wanted a genuinely non-racist country we would aim to be totally colour blind. In considering crime we would first establish the facts, then attempt to make sense of those facts to establish a sensible policy. That never happens, instead there is a lot of politically correct nonsense that leaves you totally confused as to what the real situation actually is.

Yesterday we heard that black men are far more likely to be caught up by the criminal justice system. It was stated that "there is evidence of more punitive sentences being given to black males" If they really are being given stiffer sentences than white youths when all significant circumstances are the same that needs to be rectified immediately. The MPs should publish this evidence, which we naturally expect to consist of a totally impartial statistical analysis of a significant body of cases, and ensure swift action on it. The trouble is, "there is evidence" is one of those weasily little phrases that usually means "we asked a few people and they told us it was so".

Further confusion was sown because the assertion that "black men were no more likely than other groups to be involved in crime" was followed by paragraphs about social exclusion, underachievement, deprivation and poor housing and even the influence of Gansta Rap to explain the crime rates. Pardon??? If enormous numbers of black men are being arrested and imprisoned simply because the police are predudiced, what on earth does any of that have to do with it? One has to conclude it is another obfuscation. They may not be any more likely to commit crimes as a whole but that is misleading, you have to consider the seriousness of the offence and the favourite white youth pastime of getting into a drunken brawl on a Saturday night and swearing at a police officer does not equate to a fatal shooting. All groups have their "favourite" crimes and whether we like it or not, violent gun crime is a disproportionate problem in black society just as predatory paedophiles are in white society.

Why does it matter that we tell the truth however un-PC it may be? Because these lies prevent real solutions. Downplaying the responsibility either side has because it does not suit our own agenda, no matter how well meaning it may be, gives them the excuses not to address the problem.

One big factor that nobody mentions in this is lack of control over immigration. People make their societies and societies shape their people and when those people travel abroad they take their society, good or bad, with them. In Spain and elsewhere resorts have major problems with the drunken loutish behaviour of British youth and nobody would consider it racist to point that out, yet we freely take in people from violent and corrupt countries like Nigeria, Somalia and Jamaica and pretend they are likely to be useful citizens despite the prison statistics. A policeman was stabbed this week, by a Nigerian. Take at look at this item on policemen killed on duty. four of the seven mentioned were killed by migrants (Somalia, Jamaica, US, Asylum seeker of unknown origin) and these were four out of the five deliberate stabbings/shootings, the other two being vehicle incidents of which at least one case was accidental. If you watch Crimewatch it is a similar pattern.

Unfortunately, when many see a Nigerian or Somalian in the dock they just think black. Proper control of migration, for this reason and because of the way it can scarcely help marginalisation in employment, would greatly help ethnic Britains.

Top

Destruction of incentive

A new report by Labour MP Frank Field says that Brownstuff's Tax Credit system 'brutally discrimates' against two parent families and actively encourages single parents.

Arguments about whether being raised in a single parent family implicitly causes increased criminality or if the increased criminality is due to the poverty that is more common in such families are totally academic. The social costs to the rest of us, whether we pay it by tackling crime or by providing state subsidy to prevent crime, are higher with single parent families and they need to be discouraged.

Ah, say the bleeding hearts, don't demonise single mothers! I agree, some women have committed no greater crime than being abandoned and some just made the sort of mistake many of us have made. On the other hand, some, like two of the seven young women in the same maternity hospital my missus was at, see pregnancy as a way of getting a flat and an easy living. Any realistic policy should treat people as they actually are, not demonising but not treating them as if they are all angels either!

The issue goes beyond single parent families. When we went out with the furniture van on Tuesday, two things occured to us as we were settling a bright orange sofa onto a green carpet, one was Christ! this organisation could use a fashion consultant! and the second was, here we go again, a brand new carpet in a spanking new flat. We don't make too many judgements on these people, druggies, alcoholics, mental patients, some of the problems they have could hit any of us. But there is such a stark contrast with the squallid little flats that we at bloggoth live in when away on contract. Ok, we are cheapskates with a fair income and do so by choice to save money, but the others who live in equally squallid little flats and bedsits in these same houses are there because it is all they can afford on what they earn.

There are many myths of the left and right. Some on the left seem to think that every problem people suffer is down to disadvantage that plenty of money from the rest of us can rectify. Some on the right seem to think that all the poor or criminal are simply feckless and could transform their own lives given a little more will power. The truth, as always, is somewhere in between; we are all to some extent prisoners of our genes and upbringing but unless we have major mental or physical incapacities we all have some choices over our lives as well.

While we do have some choices, one has to ask if a society where failure or inaction or fecklessness can so frequently bring greater rewards than effort and responsibility is one that can survive.

Top

Bloggoth is green with envy

We really must report, with undisguised admiration, this item from one of bloggoth's coven at left. Mr Snails Tales reports, in detail with copious photos, on the contents of a slug's pooh

Message to horribly fat blokes

Warm weather or not, please wear adequate clothing. That disgusting protruding great gut that hangs in a huge roll over your belt is a self inflicted problem. Please do not inflict it on the rest of us as well.

Thank you

PS. This public service message is not aimed at fat ladies displaying excessive amounts of tit and bum. Inflict those as much as you like.

Really?

Unbalanced coverage eh? Considering your actions, you lying, murdering, arrogant, conceited, self obsessed f* c*nt, it could scarcely be unbalanced if the entire population had risen up, cut you into bits, burnt your stinking carcase and shat all over your ashes.

Does it ever occur that public respect and confidence in government could be restored quite easily by a semblance of real democracy? That most of us who opposed it would have accepted even the war in Iraq if only our elected MPs, furnished with an HONEST analysis, had had a free say in whether it went ahead or not? If the direction of our society was ever in any way influenced by what the majority of us, the citizens who pay your inflated salaries, actually wanted?

C*nt. Most of us with any sense hope that as soon as you leave office you will drop dead.

Painfully.

Is that balanced enough? I thought so. Most kind.

Posters

I have to produce some cartoon posters of animals for a wildlife trail in the local forest next week. A quick search on Google and I had a few print outs of photos to work on. Damn it! I have gone and drawn a mole with a tail which is much too long and gone over it in black felt tip! Seems it was an American mole even though I typed in "mole UK".

Look 'ere Yanks! This is just not good enough! We had moles first! Will all Americans (and horrible ex colonial sorts generally) please rename all your wildlife to avoid further inconvenience to xoggoth. What you call them is up to you but vulgar un-British sounding names like Splog, Roodmince, Plarn Floggles etc. would avoid any future confusion.

Thank you.

In Paintshop Pro you have a pallette of rather pure colours. It is always difficult to get a decent brown, much easier to just open a photo and pick a brown off.

It amuses our puerile brains here at bloggoth to get natural colours from highly unsuitable sources. When the kiddies go round the trail looking for the posters, little will they or their fond parents know that this robin is 30% Osama Bin Laden.

Watch out for an explosion of Sussex suicide bombers in the next few decades.

Idiocy never ends

To those who say globalisation and massive immigration must be good things because our lords and masters tell us so, more evidence that our politicians are self seeking delusional fools:

How the UK wasted Marshall Aid to cling to an illusion of being a global power

Britain actually received more than a third more Marshall Aid than West Germany - $2.7 billion as against $1.7 billion.
...
the Labour Cabinet attempted to accommodate the costs of the world role and the expensive new welfare state by severely restricting capital investment at home.

How the UK wasted North Sea oil and gas revenues

Britain has squandered its windfall of natural resources from North Sea oil and gas.
...
Unlike Britain, Norway understood that the windfall wealth from its accidental inheritance wouldn't last forever. It prudently set up a substantial fund to invest oil surpluses to ensure that future generations would benefit once the oil was gone. The Norwegian Fund is more than a politically correct gesture to future generations:
At the end of 2005 it stood at $210 billion This is equivalent to $45,000 each to every man, woman and child living in Norway today.

Top

Maddy (Prior that is, not that other boring thing)

Got the LP "All around my twat" in the attic (if the feral old ladies up there haven't eaten it) but don't remember that one.

Pros: Folk singers can get away with looking like paedophiles without anyone thinking they are.
Cons: Folk singers' right ears tends to fall off while singing unless firmly held in place by two fingers.

Bloggers' Resistance Flag Contest

Rastaman's flag contesty thing reminds me what I had in mind when I wrote that Post-it note I mentioned a few items back with "protests linked" on it. The way that it is difficult to support or oppose something without finding the issue widened or hijacked by those with very different agendas or without finding your support counted as evidence of support for rather different issues.

Although I have changed my mind since, many decades back I believed in the aims of CND and started going along to a few meetings. I did not bother for very long because we hardly ever seemed to talk about nuclear disarmament, all anyone there seemed interested in was organising protests against the war in Vietnam. These protests were not primarily motivated by concern for casualties in what proved to be a totally futile war but by pro-communist sentiment, something which, even in my youth, I had no time for. Yet it just seemed to be taken for granted that if you opposed the bomb you necessarily had left wing leanings.

So many issues are like this. I oppose globalisation because it is driven by the benefits to wealthy businessmen and hits those at the bottom in our own society. As an engineer I believe that wealth, like water, only flows downhill. We are assured it is of great net benefit to us all but I have observed that when I actually ask the enthusiasts for any studies that prove this benefit or even for any significant examples there is a resounding silence. I am perfectly prepared to be convinced but suspect at present that unmanaged globalisation, like massive unskilled immigration, is a self-imposed millstone around the necks of every advanced country. So perhaps I should join the protesters on this issue. Unfortunately, we all know the motivations of many of them. For all its reported innacuracies I think Wikipedia is right here: Members of the anti-globalization movement generally advocate anarchist, socialist, social democratic or Eco-socialist alternatives to liberal economics. Those damn lefties again! No thanks.

Or global warming. As an engineer with a simulation background and rather more grasp of the basic science than most bloggers I find the theory of anthropogenic warming generally convincing. But this issue too has been totally hijacked, both by leftists who see it as a means of furthering their control freak agenda and by governments who recognise a vote winning issue when they see one and can use it as a excuse to hike up taxes. Melanie Phillip's last item is interesting; while I do not agree with it in general, I think this bit is bang on: This ideology preaches earth and nature and under the slogans of their protection – similarly to the old Marxists – wants to replace the free and spontaneous evolution of mankind by a sort of central (now global) planning of the whole world. By all means let us have effective action, many effective measure are those we should be taking anyway to reduce energy costs and our dependence on potentially unstable regimes, but if action means more layers of the useless and self-seeking state and higher taxes that will just drive our business to China and India who won't give a damn about the issue then I would sooner boil.

I could ramble on in similar vein about all sorts of issues, the countryside movement for example, but let's get back to Islam. Because of the way Islam refuses to separate state law from religious dictat (evidenced by actual practice in over 50 islamic states) significant Islamic influence in our society threatens many of the trends in our society that I, as a secular atheist, regard as positive. Allowing Islam into Europe and the US was an insane betrayal by our politicians. But I cannot say I want much to do with some other opponents of Islam, including the right wing Christians. Christianity is preferable to Islam as it does not lay down precise guidance for almost every area of life as Islam does but there are far too many in its ranks who actively campaign to impose their own views on many issues, from divorce to euthanasia, on the rest of us.

We at bloggoth wish it luck (and might have a go ourselves) but how long will it be before Rastaman's flag comes to stand for all sorts of issues other than simple opposition to Islam, some Christian neo crusade perhaps? There is one consolation at least, there won't be too many f* lefties!

PS I suspect that to get the purpose over it will need to be totally bleedin' obvious, a red crescent with a big black line through it or similar. Interesting to see if the arty-farty tendency comes to the fore as is usual in these things. I shall be submitting abstract shapes resembling a purple lobster riding a cabbage just in case.

Top

South of England Show

Excellent. I brought some garden shears, 3 rubbery faces and a little fan that allows you to program a message in the blades which now spells SOD THOU OFF. The Shakesperian touch neatly gets round the problem that SOD OFF is a bit too short. Lots of animals too, some sheep and cows. Yes I know, Boring.
Tarrah!
Tarrah!
Tarrah!

Now, what real fans of bloggoth have all been waiting for!
Tarrah!
Tarrah!
Tarrah!

Pictures of lady pigs' arses!!! Hoooray!! Hoooray!! Hoooray!! I missed them last year.

Sorry about the pixellation, but one never knows who might view this page. You can have these images plus several others, all totally uncensored, for just £10. Please send cheques to xoggoth towers, usual address.

BBC defends its latest weather graphics

"The public are always conservative about their weather forecasts" a spokesman told your bloggoth reporter, "but they will quickly come to accept this bold and thoroughly modern format. Epileptic fits and brain seizures are a small price to pay for cutting edge which is, like, what defines the BBC today, know what I mean?"

"We really don't give a shit in any case" he added, "we get paid the licence fee anyway."

Bill Giles shows a wet front sweeping in across Northern Ireland from the Atlantic.

Interactive TV we would like to see

Dear me

Soon the blog rate on here will be down to Wolfie's (coven member 11) levels or even Ms O's (13) but we have set ourselves a deadline to finish converting our VB 6 educational program to VB.net. We would give a link but do not wish to associate our business website with the unsavoury xoggoth. Anyway, missile shields, NHS funding, child support agency, not worth commenting on. When did news get so boring? We can't really be arsed to read it at the moment. But we liked the story about that exhumed lady who was apparently so fat they had to hire Pickfords and this item on madness in the DT:-

Yet there were flashes of hilarity in her lunacy. Like the day she bought him a pipe and slippers, and put them by the fireplace, quite dogged in her devotion.

Sometimes she would do the washing-up in her Girl Guide hat. How we laughed.

I do think of things I want to put on here and jot them down on post-it stickers for later. Problem is, after 40 years in IT I can no longer write legibly and even when I can read it I have no idea what I had in mind at 2am the night before. I have contents of two notes before me now, "protests linked (or limited?)" and "low carrot(?) 25 soynar(?) w17(?) parts". Please assemble these into a witty/wise blog item and email them back to me. Ta.

Certain people manage to witter on continually and even worse, small bits of it are seriously funny and normally nothing amuses us at bloggoth unless washing up while wearing our Girl Guide hat. This is not good enough, we have warned you before. Don't worry about the axe comment as we are too busy at the moment to work on our maniacal laughter. We have phoned the Sussex Stalking Agency to act on our behalf. Please let us know if you do not get dog poo through your letter box and your tyres let down at at least twice a week as we have paid extra for these services.

Top

About that erm thing

The erm, er, oh yes, Channel 4 broadcast about Diana, well, we at bloggoth think, we jolly well do, that er, er, what, er.
.
zzzzzz
zzz
zzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzz
zzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzz
.
.
What? what?, is it teatime? oh yes! About that other thing, the useless fat arse went off at our expense to get a suntan and came back with penumonia! How jolly sad at his age!
.
he
he hee hee ha
ha ha he hee hee ha ha gumph
haaa heee he snort hee ghah hee ha ha cllhhheee
.
zzzzzz
zzz
zzzzzzzzz

Logo

Good grief! I refer to the London Olympics logo.

What did they pay for that I wonder? We at bloggoth spent just over 4 minutes doing a much better one that symbolises all that the olympics are about:

The black lady athletes' bottoms that are the only things worth watching.
Britain's probable position in the athletics medal table.
The enormous cost to the taxpayer.
The number of third world athletes who will disappear into our community instead of going home.
How xoggoth will feel after a week living in a sports mad house where the boring crap will be on morning, noon and night.

The official logo looks like somebody at left (entitled London) being butt* shafted by someone at right (with Olympic logo). I suspect the designer has a sense of humour.

* This is to make any American visitors feel at home. It's arse to you Brits.

Actually, they never were any good

A certain person I know is a Tory party chairman. I knew it was a mistake asking politely how it was going as I got (for the nine millionth time) the story of how he wants to get shot of the local MP because he is a queer who is shacked up with a boyfriend. It probably isn't even true, this is the same chap who is convinced that Tony Robinson is a pinko faggot pushing his leftish gay agenda at the BBC. Hell! wish I could get me a young boyfriend like that!

If fading memory was making me think that the Tories were better before The Blithering Drivelling (phony Tory leader) Camoron, this is a reminder that actually the traditional Tory party were always total crap and no ally to any of us on the libertarian right who believe in personal freedom. They are enemies of all of us who believe in nationalism too, whether BNP or the more moderate sort of the rest of us who just want proper control of immigration, a national identity and the ability to set our own laws. It was the Tories who took us into Europe without consultation and signed up to Maastrict and the Tories who first started massively changing the character of our nation against the wishes of the majority. This is happening under a right wing government in the US too

This seems to be typical of the traditional right in power, they make a big thing about the nation but always put big business and their grand designs ahead of the desires of the people they are supposed to represent. Liberty and personal freedoms go backwards. It isn't even as if their trump card, their supposed mastery of the economy, is ever too impressive either.

They need erm er erm prompt prompt

stabbing

Oh yes. STABBING

Top

Dare

Sometimes you see the aftermath of a road accident or one of those sad little bunches of flowers indicating there was one and it is hard to see why. It is not on a a bend or near a junction, why should anyone have an accident on a perfectly straight bit of road? Did the driver fall asleep or was he drunk?

Or perhaps they just thought, "I'm bored, I wonder if I can drive with my eyes closed for 30 seconds without hitting anything" Not that anyone actually would would they? But I am sure everyone has thought about it at some time.

Oh, just me then.

Top

PS

I worked in a lab at a tyre factory once. They had this pilot extrusion machine where you fed the raw rubber through a hole in a steel cylinder in which a steel piston went backwards and forwards. I always wanted to stick my knob in it just to see what it felt like. I never did.

My life is a long catalogue of missed experiences.

You can never have too many gods

The problem with the children of the fecking book is that they only have one god and this makes for such boring uniformity, one only has one darn opinion of what the devout followers are supposed to do. There may be enormous numbers of opinions as to what those godly opinions are but only in the details. You may be able to pick and choose whether you bury your local "adulteress" in sand and stone her to death or merely make her an outcast but what all varieties of these religions have in common is their miserable killjoy nature.

Watching TV programs on the Romans this week gave me the idea that what we really need to do is bring back polytheism. That would satisfy peoples' needs to believe in a load of old cobblers for no rational reason without stopping them from enjoying the perfectly normal pleasures of life. We could all pick and choose from loads of different gods with loads of different agendas according to our mood and nature.

The return of good old Bacchus is a must.

If youth are going to get drunk and shag let's restore some control of the situation by ensuring a religious framework. This might work a lot better at controlling the excesses than more CCTVs and sex education.

As god of drink and shagging, Bacchus would clearly be the new top god.

Other old gods are more of a problem and the major ones will have to be binned. In the scientific age there is not much point in trying to convince people that the sun is some chap riding a chariot across the sky. We need to resurrect those gods, like Bacchus, that stand for human needs and fears and aspirations. We could have lots of lesser gods to blame for all our own failures or whose aid we could invoke on every occasion. Here are a few:

SOD, the god of irritating coincidences. How come your car decides not to start when you have an important interview, why does some boring relative invite you to lunch when there's a damn good match on the telly? It's SOD's law. You have offended SOD by not paying him sufficient respect. The way to propitiate SOD and ensure he does not strike you with his wrath is by indulging in a large glass of vodka and a bit of bum sex. (Actually this method will work with most of xoggoth's new gods)

GEEKY, the god of gadgets and technology generally, but especially of the more pointless ones. If you cannot get your PDA to connect to the net, if your video recorder insists on stopping just before the end of that film for no obvious reason, just lie down in a dark place (with a large vodka) and reverently meditate on class structures in C#.net. Very soon a vision of the prophetess of GEEKY will appear before you and reveal the truth. GEEKY is also great on pimples and masturbation.

DIY, the god of DIY. Some say that DIY is not really a separate god but merely an incarnation of DIonYsus, i.e. our old friend and top god Bacchus who likes to pootle about a bit with a Black and Decker on Sunday mornings when he is too hung over to do anything else. Whatever, DIY is among the top gods of the new pantheon having numerous followers in the UK. DIY is a tolerant god who is always most pleased with our efforts no matter how awful since any DIY is an act of worship of DIY; his wrath is reserved for those who never do any or pay professionals to make a total hash of what one could make a total hash of oneself for much less money. Followers of DIY must worship at least once every weekend, if there is nothing that needs doing they must drill a few holes in the wall and fill them in with lumpy plaster.

FLUFFYKINS, the god of pathetic doting on obnoxious pets. FLUFFYKINS has many followers in the UK and US. Worshippers of FLUFFYKINS are obliged by their faith to own at least one cat or dog, certain breeds such as those pictured here are especially favoured, being particularly small, ugly and irritating. The faith demands that the pets are overfed and pampered and placed above all humans. Should their darling attack your child in a public park, followers of the faith must accuse you of being responsible because you frightened him when trying to pull him off. It is the duty of FLUFFYKIN's followers to ensure the deposition of animal faeces as widely as possible in all public places.

Top

NICE little...

Snake in my firewood pile, we get quite a few in our garden.

Actually, it's a male Slow-worm which is a legless lizard. This one was quite big, they can be up to 45cm. When I found it it was all visible but it did not wait around for me to get my camera. One gets no co-operation from these things. OK, it's a crap photo, not like Mr Snail's Tales (link at left) does but we are going to get a better camera some day honest.

Religion again

Today, yet another instance of the way religion continually seeks to dictate the lives of the rest of us.

Churches and their ministers are as entitled as the rest of us to speak publicly on such issues. They are also entitled to lay down the rules of their own church in accordance with their consciences and teachings. Provided they stay within the law it is no business of the rest of us. But we are not talking about Catholics or others abiding by the teachings of their faith here but of them, yet again, seeking to set the laws of the land that apply to all of us. Jim Devine, the Labour MP for Livingston, said that the Cardinal's comments were an "affront to democracy".

Possibly. Abortion is actually the most difficult of all issues to have a good anti-religion rant on for the very obvious reason that it is not a purely private matter. Simply not believing in a soul still leaves you with a decision about when a human becomes a human. The argument between the religious and the secular on this is not so much one of fundamental principle but of timing. Once that point is past is it correct to ignore a deliberate killing? One thing I am pretty sure of, that point does not start at conception. Until it can live independently of its mother and has sufficient brain development for some semblance of awareness, it is HER choice in my book.

But other issues, extra marital sex and homosexuality (in the general populace that is) are more clear cut. They are matters of individual freedom and no damn business of the church. Why on earth are the religious so obsessed with what the rest of the population get up to in bed? Some seem to see a great conspiracy to corrupt the nation's morals behind everything. This for example:

I am sick of not being able to take my family to a movie without having them exposed to nudity, homosexuality and the glorification of sex and narcotics.

Damn it, how come I seem to miss all this smut? Me and the missus go to see the popular films that take our fancy and we never see any explicitness in love scenes beyond the briefest bit of bum or boob, the last pube I remember was Glenda Jackson's in Tchaichovsky. What major films have we had dealing with gay life apart from Cold Mountain?

It is quite true there are films that are totally unsuitable for children and may offend others. Me and the missus dislike excessive violence and gore but we never see such films because we check the reviews and decide what we would like to see beforehand. As for taking children, surely they have categories in the USA as we do?

Is the chap an unbelievable prude who takes offence at what reviewers say is family entertainment? or does he just take his family to cinemas at random without checking what's showing? That statement is such total idiotic piffle that you have to consider what it might REALLY mean. I suspect he wants all films HE thinks are unacceptable to be unavailable to any of us.

Religion continually interferes in the individual freedoms of the rest of us. Why should gay men not enter into a legal relationship if they wish to? Why should the terminally ill have to get permission from the faithful to end their own lives? Why should people not live together out of wedlock if they so choose? There are problems associated with these issues as with everything in life, for example, we need to ensure people are not pressured into seeking euthanasia and that those in the medical profession who have moral objections are not forced to administer it, but that does not alter the basic fact that in a free society one's life is one's own and what one does with it, provided it does not unduly impact others, is none of Christianity's or Islam's damn business.

Yet if anyone insists on such rights over their own life or on conducting their business without intrusion from the church, the religious talk as if it is THEIR rights that are under attack! How terrible that some "liberal atheists" should object to prayers at council meetings! This is turning reality on its head! A council meeting is not a church meeting, it is a meeting of a body that should serve ALL citizens and draws its members from all citizens. There is nothing to stop religious members turning up early and having their prayers, but no, that is not good enough, all members have to waste their time sitting through this mumbo jumbo. Ah, but:-

No one is forced to participate in the prayer and those not of the Christian faith will not be looked down upon if they remain seated and quiet during it.

How very nice of them. By the same token I suppose, there will no problem with atheists turning up at church meetings and being allowed a few minutes discussing the non-existence of god, after all, no one would be forced to participate in these discussions and those who are not atheists would not be looked down upon if they remain seated and quiet during it.

There are things to admire in all the religions of the book and especially in the core Christian ethic but that is just the theory, the practice is very different. For thousands of years trangressors and those of other faiths or no faiths or even parts of the same faiths that happen to be out of favour have found themselves slaughtered, persecuted, tortured, imprisoned and murdered by the children of that bloody book and it still goes on today. Even in the UK Just a few decades ago people were being imprisoned for their sexual preferences or for the idiotic 'crime' of blasphemy. They find their lives ruined because the lifestyle they would choose for themselves is denied them by laws based on Christian or Islamic values. And these religions have the incredible nerve to wonder why many are hostile to them.

We at bloggoth are not anti-religion in principle, if people choose to follow their own beliefs that's fine but that is never enough for too many of them. Muslims and Christians alike will not stop attempting to dictate the direction of our society and imposing their beliefs on the rest of us. We have come round to the view that tolerance in this regard is foolish, the only appropriate response to those two religions is total opposition.

Another bit of news from the 'moderate' Islamic state of Malaysia that indicates the true nature of Islam. It may be freedom and democracy Jim, but not as we know it.

Top

Enough

We at bloggoth never feel it is necessary to agree with everything on another blog to think it is worth reading but there comes a point when it is so alien to one's own views it ain't worth linking to. Christianity is an admirable religion in the form expressed by Catholicism or good old fashioned Anglicanism, especially by this most admirable of men but when it comes to the maligant sort peddled by US right wing Republicans and those who admire them, count us out.

We now have just thirteen. We shall call you bloggoth's coven.

Take your chances like anyone else (most of you deserve to be STABBED anyway)

How nice to reach a position of power and influence. It is perfectly true that officially our elected government figures are not not paid a great deal, compare the PM's salary to that of the MD of a major British company for example, but when you look at all the enormous tax-free perks and privileges nobody else gets and the way that their tenure continues to provide access to so much wealth and influence when they leave office (regardless of how much of a total disaster they are!) and the picture is very different.

But it is never enough for them. Let us just say for example that we lived in a strange world where us struggling small businessmen/IT contractors (or salesmen or nurses or whatever it is that our non-existent readers do) attracted obsessive cranks. I have little doubt that us nobodies would get scant help from our marvellous police force and would have to provide for any real protection from our own taxed incomes. I also have little doubt that if such extra protection was provided by someone else we would get taxed on it as a benefit in kind.

Not our lords and masters of course. They can change the law to get all the personal protection they need at our expense. From concrete blocks just around parliament, stricter controls on protests just round parliament. or for protection of junketing family members on personal trips to the US or to the UAE for example. No, I have no idea what those trips cost us either, any more than Hansard has.

Mrs. C. Blair (Security Costs)

David T.C. Davies: To ask the Prime Minister whether his wife will contribute personally to the cost of providing for her security during her forthcoming trips to (a) the USA and (b) the United Arab Emirates. [60827]

23 Mar 2006 : Column 540W

The Prime Minister: It has been the practice of successive governments not to comment on security issues.

How f* convenient. Knowing who paid for the security would really let the Al-Quaida operatives plan an attack wouldn't it? From looking at other ministerial answers, if there had been little or no cost to the taxpayer, I cynically suggest we would have heard about it, previous practice or no.

Now we are to pick up the £300k annual bill for a special Met squad just to tackle stalkers of senior politicians and the Royal family. In addition to the current costs of course, you don't seriously believe they don't have umpteen full time police dedicated to their protection already do you?. If we at bloggoth could be arsed, we would be stalking all of the useless bastards with decidedly deadly intent. Assuming of course we could actually decide which of the BASTARDS should be STABBED first that is.

We are herewith setting up an appeal fund to finance any stalkers with more dedication and focus than oneself, the more deranged and deadly the better. Please send £10 to xoggoth Towers at the usual address.

Top

Correction

The heading of the above post should of course have read "all" and not "most". We sincerely apologise for this inadvertent outbreak of moderation.

More crap

This stinking government, that has already done so much to destroy our civil liberties to tackle a terrorism problem that their own foreign policy blunders have exacerbated, is planning yet more repressive measures.

All very sensible that the police should be able to stop those suspected of a crime but of course they can do that already. It might make sense for the police to be given extra stop and search powers of limited duration and extent. For example, if a crime has been committed then random questioning of those in or leaving the immediate area could be productive and occasional random checks at the entrances of major railway stations might significantly deter terrorist attacks.

What seems quite pointless are general powers allowing random stop and question at any time. How many terrorist attacks will that prevent? Will it be truly random among the population as a whole, with the police questioning little white old ladies about their links with Al-Quaida or will it be targetted at the more likely suspects? Hain and others in that article are right, the resentment it would stir up would probably outweigh the remote chance of catching a terrorist with random stops among the minority community.

Maybe we should wait and see what the provisions are in detail. Who knows? They might even be sensible but we at bloggoth will not be holding our breath

PS Whether it was legally correct or not we are unsure, but we at bloggoth were questioned a couple of years back because we happened to be walking in an area where somebody had been using the public phone boxes to make abusive phone calls (it wasn't us honest!) and, as the police were perfectly polite, had no problem with it.

PPS If there are any human right lawyers among our non-existent readers prepared to take our case on a no-win no-fee basis we would be interested in pursuing a claim for one million. The incident totally ruined our life.

Top

Bloggoth silly award

Long time since we had a silly award (we cannot keep awarding it to you know who) and are delighted to have found this most worthy entry while searching for "John Prescott"

PS We at bloggoth just HATE the chap, whoever he is. We are filled with envy at such consistent silliness. Accordingly, as with a few others, we will mention him once but will refuse the (extremely rarified) oxygen of publicity of inclusion in our links.

We feel we should perhaps mention this unwritten condition of a link from bloggoth, you chaps (and sole lady) at left are allowed to be brilliant but not TOO brilliant as we at bloggoth have an extremely fragile ego and do not wish to be upstaged. Next time you plan some bit of silliness or Lovecraftian cartoonery or analysis of Saudi Arabian policy or expose of government waste or rant about the permissive society or whatever is your bag, please reread it carefully to make sure it is not TOO good. You would not like poor xoggoth to cry now, would you?

The really sad loss

Nobody sane will miss the departure of {He-Whom-it etc.} except in so far as his successor is an even bigger pile of lying scum who, Iraq aside, is more responsible for the idiocies of this government, higher taxes, poor value from public services and destruction of incentives, than he is. But when {He-whom etc.} goes, let us not forget that we will also have a new deputy PM. The current occupant of that post is swanning around the Caribbean at enormous cost to the taxpayer, making nonsensical speeches nobody turns up to listen to.

We at bloggoth are sure we are not alone in saying that we will greatly miss John Prescott. What an absolutely marvellous source of material John was, if there was nothing else worth commenting on we could always rely on a bit of buffoonery or uncoutheness, some mangled and incomprehensible speech, some other tale of his total uselessness or enormous cost. If all else failed, we could fall always back on how fat and ugly he was.

Most importantly he was a permanent reminder to all of us (and we have to admit that on occasions even we at bloggoth have been fooled) just what a total pile of pooh politicians are and that the only proper fate of all of them is a damn good STABBING.

A sensible comment, pity about the actions

Reported here, a comment by {He-Whom etc.}:-

The prime minister described this as "misguided and wrong" and said prioritising a terror suspect's right to traditional civil liberties was "a dangerous misjudgement".

He said: "If a foreign national comes here, and may be at risk in his own country, we should treat him well. But if he then abuses our hospitality and threatens us, I feel he should take his chance back in his own home country."

A most sensible comment most would say. We wonder whose friggin' government caused much of the problem by adopting the the European Convention on Human Rights into domestic law?

Human rights should have a national dimension; while other country's citizens should have the same protection from arbitrary arrest, fines or imprisonment by the state and redress under the law for injury as our own, what there should never be is automatic right of residence or access to our welfare. Those should only be provided according to reciprical agreement or otherwise on a case by case basis balancing charity and decent humanity (NOT right!) against the interests of citizens. There is nothing wrong (within reasonable numbers) in providing shelter to the genuinely persecuted, everything wrong with letting rules demand our aid to those who deliberately threaten us.

Round up of the important news

Just a few days ago, escaped apes were the new craze. Now fickle fashion has found a new darling, yes, the new in thing is finding a mummified corpse in your house, whether it's the body of the last owner or your husband.

We at bloggoth can't understand that second case. We have been in a flat where the previous late owner had lain undiscovered for two months, more than two weeks after the council had cleaned and fumigated the place and it still stunk! Look here Mrs Siegfried B, didn't you notice the garage seemed a bit pungent?

Or maybe she lived in one of those places where nobody would notice because it is normal to crap on top of the TV set and stuff dead dogs down the back of the sofa.

A NICE little bird hits the right target.

One of those times when you wish, not so much that pigs could fly, but that Blue Whales with acute Diarrhea, Cholera and Ebola which had broken into an arms factory the day before and eaten all the hand grenades could.

Just who is aiding the BNP here?

A few months back John Reid made the sensible comment that questioning the nature and scale of current immigration was not in itself racist but it seems that has been lost on others in this government.

The BNP (not all their supporters) are a genuinely racist group. That in itself is not always a bad thing, policy should be based on the realities of human nature not pious hopes about what it should be. If a course of action will only increase tensions and divisions then why pursue it? However, as we have said before, major planks of their policy as they apply to British citizens are impractical nonsense and will only drive away all the best migrants/minorities and make resentful second class citizens of the rest. Anyone who would seriously prefer an Australian layabout over a well paid Kenyan professional is letting their predudice override their sense.

But the great majority feel that the white British have a right to their own culture like anyone else, believe that if British money is spent on other citizens it should be properly targetted and not doled out to a group who self select on the backs of lorries, believe that our secular more sexually tolerant and equal society and our core beliefs in individual freedom are things to be proud of and not something to be surrendered to Islam and third world Evangelism, believe that where British citizens are at risk their safety should come first and are rightly sceptical of the idea that migrants who need early access to our welfare system or social housing can possibly be any sort of asset.

If the only choice is between the BNP and governments which appear determined to destroy what is left of British culture, give away what is left of British sovereignty and donate all our material and cultural acheivements to the third world without regard to need or merit and if they are going to be pilloried as racists anyway, I think many might begin to consider that the BNP is the only sensible option.

Update. We watched a panel commenting on this issue on the BBC today. Nice to see that the BBC provided for balanced argument as usual instead of just relying on a white British liberal and an Asian British liberal. They provided an American liberal and a French liberal too!

These liberals argue that we should all be pointing out there is no real problem but it is entirely missing the point to say that occupation of social housing by foreign nationals is only 1%. That might be the national average figure but there will be local areas where the figure will be much higher. It seems unlikely that Hodge would have risked the attacks she must have known her comments would attract (unless she is even stupider than the average New Labour sort) unless it was a perceived issue in her own constituency.

If migrants are NOT jumping the queue then they are in no way disadvantaged by changing the rules to ensure they don't are they? Nothing could be more effective in reducing resentment based on an incorrect perception of preference than by pointing to rules which clearly do not allow such preference. The time to alter such rules is when no major problem exists when it can be done quietly with minimum fuss rather than wait until some event, some third world conflict for example, causes a massive influx.

It is also absurd to imply that just because the BNP supports some view it is necessarily wrong. I daresay the BNP would oppose giving free mansions with swimming pools and concubines to foreign convicts too. Are correctly thinking liberals supposed to think it is a great idea?

Most of all the figures do not alter the principle that these things SHOULD have a national dimension.

Top

More lessons from xoggoth's garden

The problem with human beings is that they say too much and far too often what they say is superfluous. What is the point of politicians saying anything at all? At best it is a pious hope that will never work out, at worst it is a deliberate lie, so what is the point of them saying it or of us listening to it?

The male Pheasants trying to impress their rivals are our inspiration. Here is how we should decide on our leader. Lying Scottish c*nt Brownstuff mounts one compost heap, the Blithering Drivelling (phony Tory Leader) Camoron mounts the other. Peter Snow stands by his swingometer. At the signal, each would-be leader stands on tiptoe, wiggles his elbows and goes

SQUAAAAAARK!

Then all the viewers text in as to who did the sexiest squark and we have a PM. We can all sit and watch telly instead of bothering to go out and vote, confident in the comforting knowledge that the incoming government, as usual, will be a total disaster for the British people.

Top

neglect

Thought I would have loads of time to waste on blog on semi retirement, but seem to be working at least normal week trying to reprogram my company's existing products in bleedin' .net. I daresay when they are all "future proofed" that bleedin' Bill Gates will come along and change the sodding future again.

Also keep being bothered to go out driving a furniture van as they appear to be short of drivers. Look here, if xoggoth does a bit of voluntary work it is no more than a gesture. After sealing a hole under our patio door to stop ants getting in we will happily spend hours picking up NICE little ants from the carpet on a bit of paper and re-uniting them with their nest outside, but that's different. We do not love our fellow humans enough to spend more than a couple of hours a fortnight helping them. Actually we only do it:-

To keep fit
Because meeting those with drug habits and mental illnesses and disastrous lives generally makes us feel smug and
So we can say "I do some voluntary work you know" to women and hope they might see us a warm and caring human being and offer us a shag. Women do like all this warm and caring stuff. And being clean and washing stuff too. We will never understand them.

Still, we buggered the van today, that usually works. Cracked the mirror on a passing lorry and in attempting to straighten it managed to wrench it right off. It came away in me 'ands mum. A couple of years back we volunteered to help out a bit with an ambulance and got landed with taking a lot of old people on a trip to Bexhill. You have never lived until you have wandered around Bexhill with a lot of old pensioners. At least they felt at home. Fortunately we never got asked again, I think it was losing a few old codgers on a roundabout on the A22 that did it.

So what are the major news items we have missed? By far the most important are clearly these events, an escaped gorilla followed a few days later by an escaped Orang Utan. It must be escaped ape month. Mark my words, there will be an escaped chimp within a couple of weeks. Everything happens in threes.

And Hodge's comments. Hain is correct to say housing provision should be based on need, but why exactly is anyone who is within a million miles of needing social housing, whether immediately or after a year, being allowed as a migrant to the UK at all?

Efficiency drive

Is there really anything that needs saying about MPs' decision to exempt themselves from the freedom of information act? We at bloggoth have decided to make ourselves a set of stamps for those occasions when any comment is totally superfluous.

And the latest pronouncement on grammar schools by the Snivelling Drivelling (phony Tory leader) Camoron.

Isn't that so much better than having to wade through umpteen paragraphs of the bleedin' obvious? I never had the bother of writing them and my non-existent readers never had the bother of not reading them.

Next!

Top

Exciting news

Naturally we at bloggoth are most pleased that animal-human hybrid research has got the go ahead. We hope there are not too many daft restrictions as we look forward to meeting women with six rows of nipples and a baboon's arse. Still, at least the research offers hope for those who suffer from incurable or disfiguring problems.

Like male baldness for example. There has already been some progress on this.

With the new hybrid research those who are losing it a bit can look forward to a range of exciting styles borrowed from the animal world.

2

The servants of the kings will come from North and East
They will bind the hands and feet of the maidens
None will deliver them save those who know the black paths
Please select whichever prophetic line best fits real events from the following:

All the men of Chester will see again
They will return to a place they never knew
Black clad armour will be their harbour
None shall lie but all shall deceive
xoggoth is clearly bored waiting for sodding MS Visual Studio 2005 to install yet AGAIN

Top

Wholesome (alledged) hurlings

We did not take much notice of the <ALLEDGED> Cornish Pastie incident</ALLEDGED> when the Devil's Kitchen never mentioned it, but have since found out the chap lives in our village, oh alright, the posher village immediately adjoining it.

We might pop up and ask him what's (alledgedly) happened to our FECKING UKIP membership although we shall probably don our (alledgedly) pastie-proof vest first.

PS Throwing wholesome British food such as Cornish Pasties, Eccles Cakes or Yorkshire Puddings at HORRIBLE FOREIGN PEOPLE is perfectly legal anyway and they enjoy it, it is so much nicer than curried sardines in pasto sauce and such stuff that they throw at each other.

Tax Tip
You will find the full guidance in HMRC's Booklet 480, but if you are staying away from home on business or working exceptionally late you may claim wholesome British food hurled at HORRIBLE FOREIGN PEOPLE as a valid business expense.

Top

Correction re previous

A donkey is the same as an ass, (not an arse) it is a MULE that is something different. I would mention slippers but that would be dangerous. My mule don't like people laughing, he gets the crazy idea they are laughing at him.

Spiders big and small

Spiderman 3, Ms O? Not seen any of 'em. Cannot get wound up about a BLOKE shooting spider web from his WRIST.

We at bloggoth love little spiders. Yesterday (under pressure from the missus) we reluctantly removed some cobwebs as we had guests coming. Needless to say, we carefully nudged all the NICE little spiders on before removing only the more dusty and obvious webs, all the while assuring them that we vuz only obeying orders. When NICE little creatures take over the world, as we are sure they will, we have our defence already planned.

But SpiderMAN? I say, wake us up when they have a Spiderwoman movie, when the eponym.., eponny, eppo, sod it!, when the woman playing Spiderwoman is either Catherine Zeta Jones or that skinny one in Pirates of the Caribbean meets Mr Darcy film (whose name we forget but whom we really fancy despite her skinniness) and she is shooting web from the sort of place that we all know web is really shot from!!! Then xoggoth might be interested. Phwoooor! Spiders, rear areas, female shootings of web, say no more!!!

PS: Not to be confused with SAY NO MORE which has completely different connotations.

PPS: We thought we might have an illustration here and typed HUGE ARSE into Google images. Hardly a single rude reference. On the other hand HUGE ASS was much more rewarding. Can there be any more vivid illustration of the way the English speaking world is dominated by America? Look here YANKS, an ASS is a donkey!

PPPS Well ok, technically speaking it isn't, something about hybrids and fertility, but it sure isn't a bum.

PPPPS By bum I mean an ASS not a HOBO.

PPPPPS An ARSE in English that is.

Top

Towards a theory of coincidence

Have you ever noticed? No sooner does some name or concept attract your attention for the first time and suddenly that same name/idea is everywhere. Notice some minor actor called Brevens on a TV program, say, and suddenly there are Brevenses committing murders, Brevenses popping up as spokesmen for the Real IRA and Brevenses appearing as Z list celebrities on z list TV programs.

Scientology has been in the limelight for the last two days and for the first time I heard that they try to promote a positive image by sending helpers to high profile incidents. Just now I came across this during a search on "lovecraft tech". I was actually looking for something huge HP Lovecraftian amoebas shout in London underground stations that resemble words on electricity substations in Istanbul. If anyone can remember please email me.

This is because our minds seize on things we would never have noticed otherwise, our brains make their own coincidences. Or possibly the Thetans put them there.

Snail quarantine

Mr Snail's Tales is back from Istabul I see. Not sure what the rules are in the US but in the UK any poor little snails he found would have to be in quarantine for months in case they bite somebody. This sort of overstrict precaution is not unusual. I remember vividly from my time in Australia that the state authorities were very strict on fruit and vegetables. I had a cabbage that was in kennels for three months.

BASTARDS!

Throwing tiny pies at insects

More lessons from xoggoth's garden

It is the season of male nastiness in the garden, with pheasants, blackbirds and doves attacking their rivals on sight. Never any real damage as one male always just turns tail and flies off.

John Wayne would never do that! Human males have this pride thing that says you should never back down. Perhaps the world would be more peaceful if male pride did not insist in turning everything into a huge confrontation out of proportion to the issue, if we turned and ran away a bit more often.

Then we could sneak up behind the bastards later and get them with a coke hammer! Hell, those animals are dumb!

Keyholes in the doors, knotholes in the floors

We note that Rastaman has had a bit of rant about gay adoption. We do not agree with the apparent suggestion that gays are more likely to abuse than other males as the statistics are explicable by opportunity. Men are only ever put in charge of boys, if they were put in charge of girls with no women present I suspect those statistics would be more in proportion to sexuality. Nevertheless, we do agree that wider provision for adoption by gay couples, here or in the US, would be insane.

The model of male sexuality as promoted by most heterosexual males in public is simple, basically there are a) totally straight men like themselves, b) shirt lifters and c) other perves, with b & c being largely interchangeable. Surveys, prison statistics and scandals indicate a rather more flexible reality with many "straight" men having a dabble on the other side. All those "barely legal" mags and porn sites indicate a somewhat flexible approach to age too. That is not to say that those men would really molest children for many reasons including morality, basic decency and fear of the law or social exclusion.

Which brings us back to opportunity. Why have there been so many scandals with Catholic priests? Voluntary celibacy is hardly normal but, on the other hand, it seems rather improbable that anyone would spend tedious years in a seminary for any reason other than that they had a genuine faith. A significant part of the explanation must be that they found themselves in sole charge of boys and abused them simply because the chance arose, there being no women around to ensure they did not.

It seems to me that gay adoption presents significantly higher risks to children than adoption by heterosexual couples, not because the adopters are gay but because they are both men.

Top

Not bloomin' likely

Suggestions on replies to Nobody's Friend that I should put bloggoth on some blog list and who knows, get a mention. No thanks.

It is perfectly true that we at bloggoth like to post lots of drivel, we really cannot be arsed to spend our entire blogging time thinking about Islam or the self serving nature of politicians or the way the state wastes our money or immigrants or the sad state of British society. If we are in a good mood we cannot think of any quicker way of destroying it than by dwelling on those issues. No problem with those at left who do, indeed, that is what we at bloggoth employ you all for, keep up the good work!

But equally we do not want to be FORCED to post drivel by being part of some band of blogging drivellers who whitter on about their experiences of being bi-polar (eat more spinach I say) or how to make a teddy bear. If we are in a SHITTY MOOD and want to RANT about Islam or politicians or immigrants, by golly WE SHALL! For the same reason we at bloggoth have never gone into any bargaining about reciprocal links with those at left which leaves us free to remove any we damn well feel like removing*.

Rouses self into MARTIN LUTHER KING mode and explodes with pomposity. Zero readership is a small price to pay for freedom!

*With the obvious exception, as we would not dare again. We had to go into counselling last time, she called us a liver spotted toad.

Top

Panorama program on Scientology

BBC 3 Scientology 0, I would say after watching Panorama. The evidence of the haranguing by that obnoxious Scientologist, the unpleasant nature of the personal attacks on critics, the continual spying and intimidating tactics, puts the explosive loss of temper by John Sweeney in a totally new light. I would have gone ballistic a whole lot earlier.

I cannot understand how any wealthy organisation could possibly handle things so awfully and put ITSELF in such a bad light. Very little of the negative impression we got was down to either Sweeney or the other interviewees. Those are people who have progressed through years of enlightenment? Fek me!, what sort of social retards must they have been to start with? Lots about Scientology from a sceptic viewpoint here.

All the same, as a threat to our society and while it only attacks those who attack it (and for the most part I can't see the point) I still can't regard this idiotic CULT as a threat to our society remotely on a par with Islam or the new idiotic breed of Evangelical Christianity. Or even Tescos.

Watershed

In the UK generally "The watershed" means the hour of 9pm before which television is not allowed to mention mens' willies or ladies' front bottoms lest little children, who do not possess these wicked things, should learn the awful truth.

For xoggoth "The watershed" means the hour of 9pm after which he does not drink tea or coffee otherwise he will spend half the night having to get up to go to the loo.

This morning the Blackbird started singing at 4.27AM.

SHUT UP

1

Two flocks of birds
will meet over the Sargasso
Ten will fall
Others will fly on

Lasting impressions

Since assuming the mantle of Nostradamus we at bloggoth have been much troubled by dark visions. Last night we dreamed the truth of a thing that all must surely have wondered about. What happens to all the impressions of major politicians when they are no longer in the lime-light? Surely so much effort must have gone into creating the character of the PM by Rory Bremner and others that these impressions have gained a life and spirit of their own? Given that their noble purpose is to point up the evil nature of their target do these impressions not deserve a life of their own?

From our dream we can now reveal that when the PM FINALLY leaves, the impressions will rise to a part of heaven reserved just for them, where they will wander happily throughout eternity, their features endlessly transmuting between tough but caring, concerned but resolute, grief striken yet determined and other infinitely insincere and implausible combinations while their arms endlessly clasp in and out playing invisible concertinas.

Top

PC Bloggs

PC Blogg's take on the Melanie reward is excellent.

The next item on the smoking ban too. As I have two small limited companies I got two of the government's packs of booklets and free stickers telling me I could not smoke in my own house on page 1 and then telling me I was exempt on page 6 (I think) as it was my own house. God knows how much it all cost, it would been cheaper just to let everyone get lung cancer and apply for a free transplant.

Scientology

Much as we loath prosel.., prossel.., prozel.., damn it, religions that try and enslave others into their daft faith, we cannot say we have ever been too bothered about Scientology despite its sinister reputation. In our view anyone who can part with tens of thousands of pounds in the belief that a third rate SF writer like Hubbard had any insights into anything of any significance would probably have strangled themselves to death trying to tie their shoelaces sooner or later anyway.

Nevetheless, it is facinating subject as we live two miles from the world Scientology centre at Saint Hill Manor and go to the small gym at the East Grinstead Rugby Club immediately opposite. Locals will tell you darkly that they exert undue influence over the council here. If they do I cannot say I have ever noticed the effects (apart from the fact that Hubbard's novels are well represented in the SF section at the library) as our council seems just as crap, no more, no less, than anyone else's. I used to know a chap who actively campaigned against them who told me of their litigous nature and would hint at much more sinister deeds. "Darkly", "hint", yes, this is getting very Lovecraftian, but that almost seems to sum up attitudes to Scientology, it is all hints and hearsay and it seems hard to discover what the truth really is.

Try typing "Brainwashing Scientology" into Google and see how convincing you find any of it. I am not sure some of Scientology's opponent's are any less barking or if some of those definitions of brainwashing cannot be equally applied to any religion, offering it as a solace when people are struck by grief for example. That said, there is something called the Rehabilitation Project Force which some say provides for forced indoctrination. Here is a link from someone claiming to be impartial. Whether he actually is, or whether he wrote that with a goldfish bowl on his head hooked up to the mains I really have no idea.

Whatever the truth, I shall be following the Panorama program, "Scientology And Me, Monday, 8.30pm, BBC1" with interest. It is the spat between Scientology and the BBC that has so far come closest to convincing me that they are a sinister organisation. Scientology that is.

I think.

Top

x film

We live almost next to the Bluebell Railway bridge featured in the last Railway Children film and film crews are not unknown. Coming back from our run today there was a small film crew and an army jeep complete with soldiers in bright red MPs' helmets, I think 1940s.

If you see a wartime film with steam train, jeep and MPs, watch carefully, if you see a wierd old bloke running in the background wearing a bright purple shirt it will be me.

Dyson

Is it just me or does anyone else find the look of Dyson vacuum cleaners distinctly sinister? Only the missus has just brought one. What? What do you want? Oh no! please!

Exteeeeerminate!, Exteeeeerminate!, Exteeeeerminate!

Weeeoooo oooooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooo000 oo oo
diddly bum diddly bum diddly bum diddly bum

May Honours

We at bloggoth are most graciously pleased with our little links list at left.

That is not to say that one agrees with all they say, or that one's reasons necessarily have anything in common when we do, but it seems to one that one's little list combines the necessarily qualities of government loathing, militant religion hating, traditional Britishness, sound argument, perversity, snail obsession and incomprehensible nonsense, both Lovecraft obsessed and otherwise, that is the hallmark of an enlightened being, i.e. xoggoth.

It is the sort of list that enables one to not have to be ARSED to say anything serious at all as one can just reference a post and then return to woffling on about wasps. If one strongly disagrees one can just whistle and pretend one doesn't know them, who put that link there? and then return to woffling on about wasps.

You are all quite useful really, as a mark of our gracious acknowledgement we are awarding you all with an xOE, the xoggoth Order Of Merit.

PS Please make sure the £20 fee for this honour reaches us by May 21st.

Top

CCTV

Interesting to speculate on the future perils of technology.

Benefits too, I suppose, but let's not be tedious and dwell on the bright side of things please, this is blogland! It is OUR DUTY to be negative and depressing.

CCTV is in the news a lot recently and few modern devices are viewed so ambivalently. We think it is great when it plays a major part in convicting terrorists or bank robbers, feel safer on dark streets at night knowing it is there and sneer at other countries for having too few of them to spot those who snatch little girls. On the other hand WE HATE being followed around and spied on everywhere. Darn it, it is only OTHER people, that shifty, bombing, mugging, girl snatching lot who should be spied on, not us!

How long will it be before the evidence of CCTV can no longer be relied on? Before technology allows any scene that suits to be rapidly created in a way that it cannot be distinguished from reality? Computer animation has a very long way to go, even a short clip needs some serious hardware, expensive software and many hours of work and the result will still be far from convincing in reproducing real human appearance and movement. Some day that will no longer be true.

Top

Cartoons

The latest from religious freaks is interesting. I thought at first that that video had to be some sort of anti-Islamic propoganda or misrepresented but it appears not.

Not that encouraging armed resistance to an occupying power is not understandable, especially one, let's face it, which indulges in not a few gross injustices itself. But if the translation is accurate as some commenters appear to confirm, the video goes rather beyond that. It may also be true, as some of the commenters say, that you will find similar from some extremist Christian groups in the US but we are not talking about a program supported by extremist sects but one defended by an elected government. In the UK, US, Western Europe or indeed any CIVILISED country, you would not find any government member prepared to support equivalent propoganda against Islam and any teacher who tried to do so would be sacked.

Unfortunately, as many sources indicate, including the TV documentary last year, or this more recent item on Melanie Phillip's shows, teaching of extreme attitudes, anti-West, anti-Jewish and sometimes anti-anyone who is not Muslim is common in the Middle East and especially in Palestine.

Let us hope that while this goes on and is officially tolerated there will be no resumption of aid by the EU. Ah yes, but children will suffer and it is hardly their fault is it? Indeed not, but after all, we are all innocent, just what circumstances and upbringing make us. Innocence or guilt is a red herring, what really matters is consequences. If this propoganda continues it is not just Israel but ourselves and our own children who will be at risk in future from those same innocents every time we take a tube train or board a flight.

Hurray!

We at bloggoth are immensely kind hearted. We even feel a tiny bit sorry for the tax wasting, tax-hiding, ugly, somewhat (alledgedly) bent, nose-picking, charmless, red tape spawning, fat, tic ridden, lying, continually tinkering, over regulating, Scottish, gold reserve binning, pension destroying, responsibility avoiding, incentive destroying, one-eyed, charmless lefty bastard that is Brownstuff because nobody has a good word to say for him. One expect critics from the REAL intelligentsia, i.e The Times and The Telegraph readers, but the BBC website viewers loath him too. Come on! There must be something good to say about the poor chap surely?

We decided to try and find somebody who was saying something nice about him. We could not discover what readers of The Guardian or The Independent think. As is usual with the HORRIBLE LEFTY press (democracy is incompatible with socialism) they do not seem to provide any sort of forum for their readership. We even tried to find some favourable comment by looking at the website of The Daily Mirror which has a sort of "Land of the living dead" fascination. It is not read just by HORRIBLE COMMON PEOPLE but LEFTY HORRIBLE COMMON PEOPLE. Do LEFTY HORRIBLE COMMON PEOPLE think at all or is their apparently sentient behaviour an inherited genetic reflex?

We could find no favourable opinion there either, but we did find one piece of great news that seems appropriate to the Brownstuff takeover. Hammer House of Horror are back!

Top

Take that

Hey! We share a birthday with Nostradamus! He would be 503.

In honour of this discovery I will be posting suitable* incomprehensible quotations on my favourite blogs. The dafter ones anyway. Just in case you are wondering. It saves me having to think of anything sensible or witty.

Actually we at bloggoth do have something in common with Nostradamus, an ability to come out with a continual stream of nonsense that sounds as though it should mean something. No, I am not referring to this blog (how dare you!) I mean a knack of just opening my mouth and producing a never ending stream of sentences without rehearsal or pausing for thought or with any repetition. I can also change the tenor, the general theme, the poetic sound at will. From the few people I have ever mentioned this to it seems this is a rare talent(?). Old Nostradamus seems to have put it to good use anyway. Sure taken a lot of stupid people in.

This was off the cuff, at normal typing speed, no editing except for typos, spelling and punctuation:-

Poetic bollox
Raising sun, slowly sunk beneath the weight of helpless minds
Casually perfect, inward glowing
with no connection beyond or before
ever hapless, caring nought for shapeless seasons
following depthless caverns nowhere strange but always familiar.

Prophetic bollox
And in those days
A lost light of carnal spendour will come
and in its wake
trailing like the dead seasons soon to come,
the shrunken dead of helpless futures.
the blinkered eye will gaze upon your face unseen
and shrivel all upon its deserts sand
and see no more.

Novelic bollox
A cheery man he was, little and uncoated, unsuited to everything that came his way. He had no reasons for what he did, although there was very little that he had ever done, only save that one thing, a thing that others never knew. Running from behind that misty day, late September, when all the light had gone, a sudden thought as swiftly executed, hanging on a pin of indecision.
And it was done.

*Or completely unsuitable ones if a two second search fails to discover anything relevant.

Top

Romanian condoms

It is always interesting when one's site gets picked up by one of those automated shopping bots and shoved on a webpage. The link does not usually last long, presumably a real person comes along and finds it to be totally irrelevant. Today we are listed under Romanian condoms.

What?? only two stars???

PS Also Yard Slugs and Gay Massage in Basingstoke.

PPS What on earth is a Bug#297263: xoggoth Heh ya ?

HOME PAGE

Links to items

Page 17

The ramblings of an old git

Gratuitous inter-species porn

Bloggoth announcement

Comment box

Rushdie

PC is good?

Yarf

NICE little things fight back

Are we pitying the real victims?

Perplexing puzzle

It's official, please send presents

Open message to bloggoth coven member 13

Shoes

Foreign prisoners

Just give us the facts maam

Destruction of incentive

Bloggoth is green with envy

Message to horribly fat blokes

Really?

Posters

Idiocy never ends

Maddy (Prior that is, not that other boring thing)

Bloggers' Resistance Flag Contest

South of England Show

BBC defends its latest weather graphics

Interactive TV we would like to see

Dear me

About that erm thing

Logo

Actually, they never were any good

Dare

PS

You can never have too many gods

NICE little...

Religion again

Enough

Take your chances like anyone else (most of you deserve to be STABBED anyway)

Correction

More crap

Bloggoth silly award

The really sad loss

A sensible comment, pity about the actions

Round up of the important news

Just who is aiding the BNP here?

More lessons from xoggoth's garden

neglect

Efficiency drive

Exciting news

2

Wholesome (alledged) hurlings

Correction re previous

Spiders big and small

Towards a theory of coincidence

Snail quarantine

BASTARDS!

More lessons from xoggoth's garden

Keyholes in the doors, knotholes in the floors

Not bloomin' likely

Panorama program on Scientology

Watershed

1

Lasting impressions

PC Bloggs

Scientology

x film

Dyson

May Honours

CCTV

Cartoons

Hurray!

Take that

Romanian condoms

Copyright xoggoth