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The Flying Dutchman finally comes home thanks to TruePoint Satnav

The Zionist plot
Everything bad in the world is caused by the Jews! Blair? Jewish! Gordon Brown? Jewish! All tax inspectors are Jewish too, well known fact!

British society hits a new low
Old people to be switched off all over the country

Overrated and sort of familiar
Brokeback Mountain is a pale copy of The Fast Show but with more sheep

What do we want? Boot Hill! When do we want it? Now!
Abolish the government!

Nightmare
Inspirations for a gob dream

Science feature - the threat to our solar system
Could Cherie's gob open a black hole here in the UK?

Wizard tax wheeze
Xoggoth uses the age discrimination act to get £30k tax free

Come back Geobbels, the West needs you
If this really is a war, what ever happened to propoganda? (With some huge norks)

Family life and a sense of community. Somebody get me out of here!
Tradition vs progress

The romance of seagulls
Musings on boring Blasket

That's news?
deja vu on the bombing back to the stone age story

Plague 2, theories of evolution and necessary horror films
Tales of heroism by the Daddy Longlegs

xoggoth promotes eco terrorism
Bludgeon to death anyone who is cruel to animals. And kittens

Why are blokes so insensitive and shallow?
xoggoth is disgusted by male chauvinsist reactions to that bionic arm news

xoggoth rushes to the defence of a local man
Six perfectly innocent explanations for having 6000 kg of ammonium nitrate

and to cover his own arse
Craven xoggoth seeks to avoid prosecution for glorifying terror

Stop these disgraceful slanders against Islam!
In the wake of threats on the pope's life, xoggoth tracks down the real perpetrators of terror

Clare stops a bit short
Good start Clare, but democracy requires a lot more than PR

What the hell is wrong with this government that they can't see it?
Yet more casual corruption from the government

A rant is stillborne and Tony Robinson's control of the media
xoggoth gears up for a good rant against Livingstone but finds the issue is not black and white enough

The deal (according to the BBC) and the deal (according to The Times)
Two versions (again) of a news story

Yes, but this is now
The Catholic church certainly has a lot to answer for, take those crusades now...

Erm, no, sorry, still not quite got it part 2
Musharif fails to change the rape law in Pakistan

Erm, no, sorry, still not quite got it
Free trips home, free shelter and counselling for those jolly useful Poles and others

Vulnerable cyclists
The safer you are the less safe you are. (With nude lady cyclist picture)

xoggoth nominations for party leaders
He just won't go will he? Let's learn from the Catholic church and elect a leader who is practically coffin material anyway

Good grief
Madrassas - a marvelous preparation for a fulfilling career as a reciter of the Koran in Arabic

Another stunning nature pic from the xoggoth wildlife park
The majestic wasp

Good bloody riddance
He-Who-Must-Be-Stabbed - SOD OFF YOU BASTARD!

Suggestions for MORE government nannying
Suggestion for ways to reduce global warming AND increase fitness

More wisdom from the xoggoth garden
Improvement to The Birds and others

Saving our wildlife
Contribute now to save a BRITISH slug

A broader education for dogs
Why can't guide dogs for the blind sniff out bombs too?

Don't expect gratitude
Animals, like people, are so bleeding' ungrateful

News roundup
Britain's 'enriched' society - More pronouncements from the Borg Council Of Britain

Do they learn nothing?
In the real world the phrase 'darn nice people' says nothing about them

I told yer didn't I???
RAP fans cause ALL the violence.

A much deserved award
The Gerald Ratner prize for total stupidity in business

Migration (of birds)
The birds are heading back soon. Let's get our own back for Bird Flue

Firefox? You can keep it
Boring rant about everyone else's favourite browser

More Lebanon
Israeli strikes on UN or Reuters vehicles at least might be mistakes. Kidnappings never are


Page 10

The ramblings of an old git

Bloggoth Mission Statement:

          We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower

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The Zionist plot

You do not have to look too far on Islamic websites to find the Zionist plot theories. In the minds of some a few comments by Ben Gurion and others is proof that everything that is happening in the world is part of a Zionist conspiracy to dominate it.

Not all conspiracy theories are wrong but rational people should make up their own minds from what they can find out for themselves. When I look at the ideas and the people I dislike in society, I see fat Scottish socialists, egotistical, corrupt and/or stupid politicians, huge egos generally, left wing agitators, woolly minded PC liberals, benefit scroungers, illegal or unsuitable immigrants, gangsters, inadequate parents unfit for the office, those who know all their rights and none of their duties, people looking to make a fast buck at everyone else's expense, tyrants, professional whiners and blame merchants, fundamantalists, terrorists, habitual criminals, ranting Imams, the religious trying to impose their views on the rest of us, feckless people, power seekers, ambitious warmongers - this could go on but I will use up my webspace. It is incredible that those Jews choreograph all that so well.

Let's say that the Zionists do plan to rule the world, is that so bad? According to that chap I linked to, yes. Once the Jews take over it will be a racist regime where the rest of us live in total subjection, after all, he has found a quote from the Talmud to prove it! The problem with that for most of us is that we see the extent of tolerance for Christians and others in Israel and compare it to that in Muslim countries. We see the relative freedom and the lifestyle in Israel and compare it to the miserable repression in Muslim countries. When we read of Christian churches being burned and nuns stabbed it isn't in Israel. When we hear of hostages beheaded it hasn't been done by Jews.

And if we are forced to decide which of these great cultures we will be dominated by perhaps we should also first satisfy ourselves of the truth of what they are telling us and their willingness to abide by laws even when they do not suit. In that too the more sensible will judge by what they see.

Today Israel has withdrawn its troops from Lebanon in accordance with article 2 of Un Resolution 1701. Under article 8 Hezbollah should disarm. Has it any intention to do so?

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British society hits a new low

We are becoming used to the shabby way the elderly are treated in this country but I have never seen anything quite this despicable, something which is happening with the full knowledge of the government.

It appears that, beginning in less than two years, the elderly who have not been converted to digital are going to be switched off!!! Never mind that some are hale and hearty and playing a full part in the community, if they are not converted by the time specified for their area they will be terminated. It costs as little as £80 to convert an old person to digital, yet this government prefers to spend the money on wars and foreign criminals! ITS A DISGRACE!!!

This is the map of shame showing where and when analogue old people are going to be switched off. Elderly folk in the borders who do not have the money or are unable to understand how to get themselves converted to digital have less than two years to go.



Bloggoth has obtained these disturbing pictures of the government's pilot scheme in Swansea last year when the analogue signal was switched off for three days. Here you see the lifeless bodies of four men in an old peoples' club who had not been able to find the money from their meagre pensions to get converted to digital.



This scheme needs to be stopped until the money can be found to convert all our analogue elderly! Please write to your MP without delay and call a halt to this barbarism!

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Overrated and sort of familiar

The wife wanted to see Brokeback Mountain so I got her the DVD. Good grief! what an overhyped pile of boring crap! After the bit of arsey stuff in the tent we gave up watching.

What about the complex interaction of the characters? That main guy always looking at the ground, where had I seen it before?

Ah yes! It's Paul Whitehouse's Ted from The Fast Show. Except Paul played it much better.



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What do we want? Boot Hill! When do we want it? Now!

A long time ago on CUK, and long before anyone else thought of it (the world is always stealing the ideas of the finest brain of our age - mine!) I suggested we should abolish the welfare state. I blame Lloyd George who sowed the seeds of this dependence-creating incentive-destroying monster back in 1906. It's not that I do not believe in any welfare, simply that proper reform of the Poor Laws may have given us a much better locally administered scheme with lower overheads, more accountability and better ability to distinguish the deserving from the undeserving.

Watching the awfulness of the Labour Party conference last week, that foul parading of egos which had nothing to do with the needs or wants of the British electorate, I am starting to wonder if we actually need a central government. Defence of the realm? yet previous centuries have seen that done rather well without a central army; have the changes in technology so greatly altered the logic of it? Tax? Since most tax should be spent on the citizens of British regions anyway why do we need a central administration? The plain fact of that is, we only need a central tax raising facility so that the government can spend our money on things that few of us would agree with if we had any choice.

While a powerful central government exists we will never have real democracy. True democracy is about the ability to post dog crap through the letter boxes of your elected leaders. True democracy, if all else fails and if they will not listen, is about the ability of the electorate to take their leaders out and string them up from a lamp post.

Garbage!, I hear all my non-existent readers say, without a central government the UK would descend into tribalism and ultimately into anarchy. Would the Dartford of 2006, say, ultimately end up like Dodge City 1876? Perhaps, I never claim to be right all the time, although even Dodge City has its attractions. If this utopia ever comes about, that taxman had better not query the expenses of ol' Chainblue Lightin' xoggoth again!

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Nightmare

I dreamed about Cherie Blair last night! Funny how things you watch on TV get into your subconscious. I should have gone to the pub instead of watching TV last night.

I'd seen the episode of Dr Who with a planet falling into a black hole anyway.




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Science feature - the threat to our solar system

There has been a great debate among theoretical physicists in the last few years as to whether Cherie's mouth really violates the laws of the universe. Some even fear that if she got really annoyed it could open up a black hole here on earth and destroy us all.

If you study the pictures below you can clearly see that the mouth is described mathematically by one of the three Ovals of Cassini, with b less than k. What the physicists fear is that if something annoys her enough, b will fleetingly become equal to k creating a Lemniscate Of Bernoulli, in which case a singularity will occur at the exact centre of her mouth. Although a singularity is a commonplace concept in theoretical maths, nobody has yet been sure what will happen when a singularity is induced in physical matter. Note also the footnote that the Ovals Of Cassini describe sections of a torus, the exact form taken by black holes. Physicists fear this is not mere coincidence.

Could it yet be that Gordon Brown will be responsible for the destruction of our solar system? He has certainly made a damn good start with the UK.

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Wizard tax wheeze

The Age discrimination law comes into force on Sunday. As with most laws, its appears to be yet another of those good in principle/total shite in implementation efforts. As an example of the shite part, I heard on the news today that it will now be illegal for employers to specify the number of years experience required so if they want an experienced person they will be forced to trawl though dozens of CVs from school leavers. Doesn't this sort of stupidity by our legislators just drive you nuts??

Still, lots of serious political blogs will be commenting on it I daresay, my interest is more practical. I have had a look on the net and according to this,a payment of compensation for discrimination in dismissal (including constructive dismissal e.g. because of sexual harassment) is subject to a £30,000 tax exemption. According to this where litigation arises out of a trade or business, legal expenses or damages paid will normally be tax-deductible for the purposes of company corporation tax.

So how about this then? I write myself a letter telling me I am sacked from my own limited company because I am a useless incompetent senile old fart. I then go to one of those internet solicitors who will write a letter of your own composing for £50 and threaten to sue my company for £100k for aggravated age related harrassment. My company settles out of court for just £30k plus reinstatement. I get £30k tax free and the company deducts £30k from the profits to reduce CT liability.

Next year I shall be even more old and incompetent and senile and will feel the need to sack myself again!

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Come back Geobbels, the West needs you

News that one of Islam's blood-stained clerics has called for an end to liberal television in Indonesia stating that "scantily dressed women are more dangerous than bombs". The chap is absolutely right! For him and his repulsive fundamentalism that is!

Should we be quite so fearful about the growth of militant Islam? Is it really so difficult to pursue effective policies against terrorism while avoiding all the blunders like Iraq and the Forest Gate shooting that only makes recruits for fundamentalism? What ever happened to the art of propoganda? With modern communications and psychology it should so effective. Where is the West's present day Joseph Goebbels?

After all, nature is on our side. The cleric is complaining about the growth in permissive late night shows because they are popular. Even in Iran, couples now get away with holding hands in public and there are many parties with both sexes and illicit alcohol. A recent google survey found that of the top ten countries searching for sex sites, six were Muslim with Pakistan number one. Just how difficult can it be to sell a free and more sexually liberal society to young men?

Here is a suggestion. Let the US invest in internet sites, including a few good porn sites, and spread the message of what freedom is really about. Remind them that we in the West are not obliged to marry our ugly first cousins.

Perhaps Iran first and with that domino gone maybe it will all collapse like Soviet communism. We could wake up one day and find fundamentalist Islam is a spent force.

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Is that a bomb in my pocket?

There is a quite ludicrous exaggeration about safety with anything you buy these days, you can't even buy a small torch without a three page leaflet in different languages on the hazards of using and disposing of it.At least I thought it was ludicrous. The stair light wasn't working in my rented flat the other day and it's as dark as Hades so tried the little LED torch on the end of my keyring. Not working and when I got in I found out why; the darn thing was a melted lump of plastic! That tiny little battery did that? I shall be less cynical about "ludicrous" safety instructions next time.

Family life and a sense of community. Somebody get me out of here!

One of the perennial arguments of mankind is about traditional values versus material progress. One could say that really it is the only argument and that every conflict, Islam vs the West being the most current example, is about little else.

Ah yes, say the traditionalists! But the pursuit of material goods and individual freedom does not make people happy! Real happiness is the security of an ordered society with rules, the simple pleasures of home and family. They point to the casual promiscuity and drunkeness and loneliness of so many as proof.

Rubbish! say the progressives. Man is nothing unless he embraces change! It is our destiny to reach for the stars!. They point to the reality of subjection in some families, the backward and authoritarian nature of most traditional societies and at how so many supposedly contented citizens of them take every chance to escape.

Since we are all different, I suspect it's rather simpler. Let the young, the adventurous and the desperate sieze the excitement of new discovery, let the old, the timid and the desperate retreat to security. One thing these paths have in common, there can be no such choices in a society that does not allow individual freedom.

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The romance of seagulls

At some time most of us get pulled in by the romance of traditional society. When me and the missus went to Ireland recently, we went along to the Blasket exhibition. We both found it quite moving for the glimpse of the life on Blasket afforded by the snippets from the biographies of the islanders, some of them among Ireland's best known writers and all of whom wrote in their native Irish Gaelic. The missus brought "Peig: The Autobiography of Peig Sayers of the Great Blasket Island" I brought Maurice O'Sullivan's (Muiris Ó Súileabháin) "Twenty years a growing"

I have tried to read "Twenty years a growing" but it lost me. On page 19 he is little boy being collected by the father he scarcely remembers and by page 44 he is back off to the mainland to watch the races, get drunk and watch a friend beat up a chap outside a pub. I am sure he was still a boy on page 43 although the language is so uniform it is hard to tell. Maybe it loses something in the translation but it is full of exclamations like "Oh long work on them" and "Your soul to the devil come" and "Come up, the devil take you".I have the impression that nobody asked another to pass the jam on Blasket without invoking the devil. The missus said "Peig" was unreadable too Apparently she lost three children and the events were simply passed over as if they were of little consequence. Maybe that's the point, perhaps sentimentality over little things like dying children is a luxury only we in easier societies can afford. I expect immediately after each death she was eating jam while invoking the devil.

Next time you feel moved by something, assuming you are the sort who occasionally is, stick with that nice glow of romantic ignorance and go no further or you will be disappointed. Here endeth the lesson.

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Obscenity in children's TV programs

I was just updating something earlier replacing "tits" by "norks" for no better reason than that norks is such a nice word. I could round saying norks all day just for the pleasure of it. But it sounded familiar, ah yes! When Pingu is feeling stroppy his beak comes out in a sort of trumpet and he goes "NORK NORK". I think it utterly disgusting that obscenities are promoted on CBBC. Whatever next?





That's news?

That the president of Pakistan was threatened with having his country bombed back to the stone age. But I remember reading this at the time! Or am I becoming prescient in my old age? That's it! I am becoming a god!

But the rehash of what to me is old news on TV revealed something I had not been aware of although maybe everyone else is; that the great majority of Pakistanis supported 9/11. The TV showed pictures of celebrating crowds. Two questions then: 1) How many new migrants have we allowed in from that country since without extensive screening. 2) Why?

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Plague 2, theories of evolution and necessary horror films

A couple of months back we had the plague of flying ants. Crossing the strip of grass round the car park at work meant picking them off your hair and clothes for the next half hour. This week it's been a plague of Daddy Long legs. They mainly bumble about on the ground and are not a problem to most but as I am so barkingly kind to tiny creatures it has been taking me ages to pick my way over the grass trying not to tread on them.

The Daddy Longlegs quite conclusively disproves both creationism and evolution. No sane creator would have deliberately invented such a wierdly inept creature and they are so easy to catch that according to natural selection the first Daddy Longlegs should have died out the moment it evolved.

On second thoughts, maybe it does not disprove creationism; god might have had an off day or he was in a funny mood. It does disprove evolution by natural selection, that is supposed to be logical. I have advanced a much better theory to explain evolution before and have not yet received the plaudits from the scientific community I so thoroughly deserve. xoggoth is not so easily discouraged, here are some more very credible ideas:


Back to the Daddy Longlegs. Somebody told me yesterday that they only live a few days and I think that is very sad. I think this may be connected to the fact that everyone laughs at them; maybe they just lose the will to live and die of shame and depression. I would like to start a campaign for a more positive view of these leggy little animals. Why can't we have a few horror films starring Tipula sp. to show a much more butch, devil may care, rogueish image. Such as:


The sad and dusty corpse of a Daddy Longlegs found under the kitchen window of xoggoth Towers today.

According to eye witnesses it had been courageously attempting to rescue a local woman from a brutal attack by muggers but unfortunately was thwarted by the glass and died banging itself helpessly on the same small section of the window all night. We should not let this failure detract from our admiration of its courageous spirit.

Scientific note. The photo shows another curious post-mortem fact about Crane-Flies. On death they not only become immediately covered in dust, they also acquire several more legs.


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Not again!

Watching the weather on TV this morning. What is it about female weather presenters? Is this one of these strange equal opportunities things? Do they advertise in the paper? "Wanted. Female weather presenter for xxxx TV. Must be at least seven months pregnant"




xoggoth promotes Eco Terrorism

We are extremely animals rights here on Bloggoth. In our view it is perfectly reasonably that those who raise Guinea pigs for the purpose of unspeakable nastinesses should have their cars fire bombed.

In fact we would go much further, fire bombing gardeners who use pesticides on their roses, gunning down in the streets any children who are known to have pulled wings off flies and bludgeoning to death old ladies who forget to feed their budgies. In the xoggoth scheme of things the only animals it would be legal to mistreat, apart from parasites, would be cats, ESPECIALLY KITTENS, who are so far gone in their disgusting cuteness that they must clearly be eradicated from the planet. They need to be bludgeoned to death!!!

The eco terrorists have not gone nearly far enough. I actually saw a bloke in the bogs today who used up two tissues to dry his hands with!!! Does he not realise how many acres of rain forest went into making that extra tissue he so casually discarded?? How many billion cubic meters of landfill sites it will need? How many megatons of methane its decay will produce to contribute to global warming? It was just lucky I did not have my bludgeon on me at the time or I would have bludgeoned him to death.

That reminds me, what is a bludgeon made of exactly? It had better not be something made of wood! A BIT OF RAIN FOREST! I think I will have to bludgeon myself to death.

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Why are blokes so insensitive and shallow?

Somebody mentioned that bit of news about the female marine who has had a 'bionic' arm fitted on CUK. This is marvellous news for all those who have had the misfortune to suffer the loss of a limb. I was thoroughly disgusted when about the second post by one of the chauvinist pigs that haunt that site was along the lines of "Wonder what it's like at giving hand jobs?" Now that really is utterly sick!!!

Oh all right, I must admit that was the first thing to cross my mind too, but only because the picture on TV showed her picking up a small rod thing. I am not like that really and was thoroughly disgusted with myself for the fact that I entertained the thought even fleetingly.

You too? Thank god for that! Take a look at this picture of a woman naval reservist they're giving a complete body transplant. Phwooor!!! look at the norks on that! I bet she goes!!!



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xoggoth rushes to the defence of a local man

I find that trial in the 'fertiliser bomb plot' fascinating for a couple of reasons. Crawley is about ten miles away for one.

The other is the amusing nature of the defence so far:

Mr Khyam said he brought 10 sachets of aluminium powder to the UK after an uncle asked him for aluminium paint.

He had placed it in a garden shed and thought his mother must have put it in a biscuit tin and in plastic bags because it was leaking.

So uncle needs some aluminium paint and instead of just popping into Homebase he phones Pakistan and asks his nephew to bring back largish quantities of ONE of the ingredients necessary to make his own. Where did he plan to get the linseed oil? A cousin in Bolivia?

I am waiting with bated breath to find out what similarly hilarious explanation he is going to come up with for that 600kg of ammonium nitrate fertiliser he was clearly seen inspecting on CCTV. If he lives in Crawley he is hardly likely to have a garden that includes at least two hectares of arable land.

Whatever he is alleged to have done, I feel a bit sorry for this young local chap as his case looks such a lost cause so I took the trouble to look up other uses of ammonium nitrate on Wilkipedia. Here are some completely plausible innocent explanations for possessing all this fertiliser:

  1. He intended to seek out the bruised and aching of Crawley, 6000 or so of them anyway, dispensing soothing cold packs.

  2. Following an unsatisfactory experience of a car manufacturer's standard airbag he intended to make his own range of aftermarket replacement airbags

  3. On one of his trips to Pakistan he had also brought back with him several hundredweight of Titanium ore which he intended to refine in his garden shed

  4. He had purchased it (at a cost of about £90) to synthesise methamphetamine without checking that suitability of ammonum nitrate for this purpose is a myth

  5. He was about to start a small business supplying nitrous oxide to local dentists

  6. He intended to make survival kits for about 10000 local scout groups in case the youngsters got lost for days in Tilgate forest. This also explains the aluminium powder which he purchased in error when he meant to buy zinc powder

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and to cover his own arse

In the same trial the talk about dropping a bomb during prime minister's questions was said to be just talk; there was no plan to carry it out. Apparently the remark just led to laughter. But is humour or lack of intent actually a defence against the current law against glorifying terrorism? I hope so.

This has got me very worried now. Could my tongue in cheek remarks on bloggoth about blowing up He-Who-Must-Be-Stabbed or inserting kitchen blenders up Brownstuff's arse and turning them on be construed as encouraging terror? What if, heaven forbid!, someone did attack Brownstuff and murder him with a blender up the arse? What if witnesses heard them intoning "Mince Mince, Blend Blend" in the recommended xoggoth style while so doing? I could go away for life! Someone as attractive and sexy as myself would have a terrible time in prison! I shall have to be more circumspect in future.

Aaaagh! What about the name He-Who-Must-Be-Stabbed? Is that not in itself an incitement to stab our PM? I do not want to be prosecuted so I think I may have to think up a new name. I could go back to calling him the Mad Messiah but I'm afraid my loathing is far too advanced for such an affectionate sounding handle.

Perhaps a little sensible modification would do it. Although this law is young, we do have one precedent to draw on. I shall use the George Galloway defence. From now on, to avoid prosecution under the law, our Prime Minister will be referred to on Bloggoth as:

He-Whom- It- Would- Be- Morally- Justifiable- To- Stab- Although- I- Am- Not- Personally- Calling -For- His- Stabbing

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The pretenders

A search for xoggoth on the web produces only myself as it should be. A search for Bloggoth produces a number of non-me entries including an HP inspired/Edgar Alan Poe obsessed blog originally called The Adventures of Chibithulhu. Not your ordinary blog.

Among the others:

  1. A site on how to stop snoring. You may think after reading this blog that that is very appropriate.
  2. Some items with two words - apparently Blog-Goth (for Bloodmaster), is one of those games characters, a human barbarian from the north frozen lands of Harrogate or somewhere like that.
  3. A couple of really great looking porn sites! must check those out later, just to see what they have to do with Bloggoth of course
  4. A link which leads to pictures on how to make Cthulhu* out of lego.

That's the way to deal with elder gods! cut them down to size that would! These damn gods are so full of themselves aren't they? Not just HPL elder gods either, Zeus, Jahweh, God the Father/Son/Holy Ghost, Alah, etc. etc. So puffed up - just because they made the universe and can cast us into eternal damnation they think they can come here and strut their stuff on judgement day and we all going to fall to our knees in awe!

*Anyone who does not know what Cthulhu is should leave my blog immediately; we on xoggoth may have drifted a long way from our roots but in our hearts we are still loyal to the great HP. And I don't mean sauce!

Stop these disgraceful slanders against Islam!

Members of the Turkish government have urged the pope to reconsider his visit in November saying they could not guarantee his safety if the visit went ahead following his comment linking Islam with violence.

Now I daresay you are wondering like me who could be threatening his safety, since clearly it cannot be Muslims because Islam is a religion of peace. Whoever these dastardly sorts are, they are probably the same people who have assaulted several members of the Catholic clergy.

Naturally I am most concerned to discover who could be threatening nice old Grandpa Munster XVI and have therefore been looking to see who could possibly be responsible. Now it is well known that when he was 17 the pope was a member of the Hitler Youth so the obvious culprits for this threat on his life must be THE JEWS. Revenge for that so-called holocaust that we all know from that nice peace-loving Iranian president never existed. Wasn't 9/11 enough for the bastards and their American poodles?

Take that thing with the cartoons in February. While Muslims all over the world were exercising their democratic right to peaceful protest with banners like "No insults to Islam please" and "Cartoons of our prophet - no thank you!" some other group was causing mayhem by killing people and sacking embassies. I think on this occasion the culprits were pretty obvious too. That's right! Famous cartoonists who were enraged that a group of unknowns were getting all the publicity for what were frankly rather second rate examples of the art. Personally, I am very suspicious of Matt in the Daily Telegraph.

And what about 7/7 that those nice young law-abiding Asian men got the blame for? Well, three geusses! Who is always causing disruption to the tube? It was ASLEF indulging their all too common propensity for unofficial action! In all probability it was some grievance over another driver sacked at Morden or something like that.

And so it goes on. Those so-called Muslim murders of Christians in Indonesia, the Phillipines, Nigeria and Egypt are obviously nothing of the sort. Probably just turf wars similar to the one they had over ice cream sales in Glasgow a few years back. Salman Rushdie? Theo van Gogh? The Moscow theatre? - over-zealous critics! Beslan? A protest by parents at falling school standards that got out of control! Time does not permit me to deal with all of the other 5000+ deaths that the Islamophobes are blaming on Islam since 9/11 but I hope I have convinced my readers, all zero of them, of the truth about the criminal conspiracy of blame against this gentle creed.

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Clare stops a bit short

I suppose her call for a hung parliament has some merit. The huge majority this government has commanded throughout most of its rule is blamed by many for their arrogance and refusal to take account of other views, including those of the public most of the time. Is it possible, seeing that they could have faced and lost a vote of confidence in the future, that the government would have offered parliament a real vote on going into the Iraq war?

Perhaps. But one thing we know about weak governments is that they try to grow strong again and if that means buying votes with taxpayer's money or timing a fresh election to take advantage of some scandal in the opposition parties that is what they will do. It is no long term solution to the lack of democracy in the UK.

Not that Ms Short is daft enough to think it is. She intends to campaign for proportional representation on leaving parliament and apparently sees the hung parliament as a way of obtaining that. A lib dem price for shoring up a tottering administration maybe.

And in the UK, we will not get what we need unless we achieve a hung parliament. This could lead to a change in the electoral system to halt the concentration of unaccountable and incompetent policy-making in No 10.

Ah yes, good old proportional representation. That's real democracy isn't it? - number of MPs proportional to votes cast? No it isn't! Although it is a necessary step towards democracy, on its own it is totally useless unless the balance of power between MPs vs government is shifted. When all MPs, not just a few principled Mavericks with nothing to lose, can vote as they see fit. It is totally useless unless the balance of power between the people and both government and MPs is shifted. When the electorate have some say, at least in major constitutional issues, outside of election time.

On its own, proportional representation can lead to anything but democracy as the major parties do deals with minor parties simply to stay in power and are perhaps forced to agree policies which few of the public want. Bad enough in present day Britain with the current minor parties, possibly disastrous if we get more extreme parties in parliament and PR itself is likely to make that happen.

What do we need in addition to PR? In my view the main measures are:

  1. Provide the technical means for secret ballot in the commons. Let the governments argue the case for their measures instead of threatening their own back benchers through the lobbies.

  2. Make it illegal for any person or organisation to attempt to influence an MP's votes by threat or incentive.

  3. Give us a written constitution limiting the powers of parliament and government.

  4. Include in that a measure to prevent any government committing more than a certain number of troops without a vote in parliament. Clearly, government must be able to act in advance of such authorisation as emergencies may not wait, but at some point it must return to parliament and justify its actions.

  5. Impose an obligation on government to hold referenda on all constitutional issues such as ceding more powers to Brussels. The wording and scope of it must be determined by independent commission to prevent the usual tactics of linking it with more popular measures or pushing it through under a different guise.

  6. Impose an obligation on government to hold a referendum on demand by a certain percentage of the electorate as happens in Switzerland, California and Venezuela.

  7. Give the electorate similar powers to force a bi-election in their constituency.

  8. Fix the date of elections or make them subject to approval by independent commission to avoid cynical use of current news. It is not good enough that the future of the country should be determined by the dalliance of some minister with a rent boy.

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What the hell is wrong with this government that they can't see it?

The papers reports accusations that Labour may be trying to target hospital cutbacks in areas where rival parties have seats. Health ministers organised a closed-door discussion that included the Labour chairman, Ms Blears, political advisers from no 10 and a Labour Party representative.

The Health Minister, Rosie Winterton, has this morning denied that Ms Blears had any influence on the planning of health "reconfigurations". How exactly does that square with the information that Patricia Hewitt, the Health Secretary, called for those at the meeting to be provided with "heat maps", showing marginal Labour seats where closures or reconfigurations of health services could cost votes? So what were these "heat maps" for exactly? Something to put the coffee cups on? And Ms Blears, having looked at these maps, naturally did not make any comment whatever at this meeting on the impact of closures on Labour, but sat there going "It would be entirely innapropriate for me to comment on governmental decisions that must only be made in the interests of the people". Why was she there then?.

Even if it is true that the Labour chairman has no influence whatever on the closures, government ministers acting in their offical capacity have no business briefing Labour party officials and Labour officials alone. In the world of commerce, if company directors discussed company business on company time with outsiders who had influence over the directors and a different agenda it would be described as unethical to say the least.

This is typical of the casual corruption this government indulges in and the worst is that they can't seem to see they are doing anything wrong.

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A rant is stillborne and Tony Robinson's control of the media

I had planned a diatribe against Ken Livingstone for selling expertise that could be used for suppression by a dangerous dictator. Diatribes are good in the blogging world! Rants peppered with lots of obscenities are what we are supposed to do! It is our role! Unfortunately, when I looked into it a bit more I found out that :

  1. There are two different versions of Livingstone's part of the deal
  2. Chavez hardly fits the bill of a dangerous dictator (yet)

And so my lovely rant decomposed into a quagmire of qualifications, "If this is true then..." "there are worrying signs that..." In the end I thought fuck it and gave up. (There we are! I managed to salvage one obscenity from the corpse!)

I will only report the strange case of the different versions, one from the BBC and one from the Times. Someone I know is convinced that the BBC is run by Tony Robinson as a branch of the Gay Socialist Worker Party although I can find no evidence on the net that he is either gay or terribly lefty. Many think the BBC has a leftist agenda. I never used to believe it but this and another recent slant have made me wonder. I shall be watching them, if they are using our licence fees to further some commie gay pinko faggoty Time Team conspiracy I shall... Oh joy! I feel a rant coming on!

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The deal (according to the BBC) and the deal (according to The Times)

Livingstone is considering a deal with Hugo Chavez in which London receives cheap oil for its transport system while the City of London supplies expertise in return. So far, the versions are consistent,the differences are in what Chavez is getting in return. According to the BBC story the deal will involve London:

offering the city's experts in environmental and transport issues as consultants to the civic authority in the Venezuelan capital, Caracas.

But according to The Times version Livinsgstone's part of the bargain is very different:

Under the barter agreement Señor Chávez ... will acquire details of how the capital’s security and public order systems operate. The proposals include advising on how to set up a CCTV system and how to use genetic scanning and fingerprinting for the identification of criminals.

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Snippet

Little thing posted on CUK today:

Nietzsche was out to dinner and pondering what to have for pud. "I bet you're thinking of the profiteroles", said one of his companions. "I don't think I am" he replied and promptly vanished.

Yes, but this is now

I see that my favourite old bloke, Pope Grandpa Munster XVI, has upset Mulsims again. It doesn't take a lot to upset Muslims although some, like Hamza or Imadinnerjacket, feel free to criticise western society and even advocate killing and genocide whenever they feel like it.

I do like this refutation:

The president of Germany's central council of Muslims went further, saying that Catholicism's murderous and compromised history left it with no moral leg to stand on to criticise other religions.

After the blood-stained conversions in South America, the Crusades in the Muslim world, the coercion of the church by Hitler’s regime, and even the coining of the phrase ‘holy war’ by Pope Urban II, I do not think the church should point a finger at extremist activities in other religions," said Aiman Mazyek.

Ah yes! bloody conversions (16th century), crusades (13th century), coercion by Hitler, and worst of all, inventing a phrase! whatever next! At least the actual acts of barbarism committed in the name of Catholicism and by the free will of the perpetrators are long in the past!

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Erm, no, sorry, still not quite got it part 2

News that attempts to alter the law in Pakistan have been abandoned after Islamic protests. As the law stands a woman must produce four male witnesses to prove rape. Naturally, since rape rarely has any witnesses apart from the victim and the perpetrator(s), this will virtually always be impossible. Further, since adultery is illegal, many women have been imprisoned because they cannot prove that sex was not consensual.

Now Muslims keep assuring us that, unlike our own society, Islam is respectful to women and they have equal rights. So I'm afraid I must be being very very thick yet again in failing to grasp this obvious truth.

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Erm, no, sorry, still not quite got it

Just a few weeks after councils warned that rates would have to rise to cope with the costs of immigrants comes the news that London authorities are paying Poles living on the streets to return to Poland. Westminster council is also helping to set up a centre to provide training, language skills and counselling for drug and alcohol addiction. Deep joy! I am sure that is just what we needed in the UK, more unskilled, non English speaking drug addicts and alcoholics to be funded out of ratepayer's money. Odd, I thought we had plenty of our own, but we live and learn. Just like we need lots more foreign criminals in British jails I suppose, why should lags miss out on the vibrant multicultural society the rest of us are blessed with?

Somebody run this argument about the benefits of immigration past me again please, I know I must be thick, but I still haven't quite managed to grasp it. It's just these irritating little statistics about crime and the prison population and uptake of benefits and prevalence of serious diseases, and items about councils and schools needing more money to cope with inflows, little things like that, that continually get in the way of my comprehension, I am sure there is an explanation of them that squares with the enormous plus to our economy and society which I just know to be the reality.

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Vulnerable cyclists

Today's DT reports a study that shows that drivers leave less room for cyclists wearing a helmet as they are perceived to be more experienced. The study also shows that drivers leave more room for women cyclists than for men.

It often seems to be the case with safety measures that the benefit is reduced because a perception of vulnerability makes people more cautious. A few years ago we had a similar report about airbags and other safety features in cars; one expert on the radio felt that we would have far fewer accidents if we had flimsy front-mounted petrol tanks and a big spike sticking out of the steering wheel!

I certainly think women should take this study seriously as this young lady is obviously doing. Blokes are bound to keep their distance!



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xoggoth nominations for party leaders

There's an article in the DT today about that nice old bloke, Pope Grandpa Munster XVI, who is visiting his native Bavaria "for last time". As he is 79 it may well be.

I wondered at the time why the Catholic Church would elect somebody so ancient when in all probability they would have to look for somebody else in a few years. Now, seeing how He-Who-Must-Be-Stabbed just will not go despite the fact that nearly everyone loathes him, I find myself once again lost in admiration for the wisdom of the Catholic Church. If bastards like HWMBS will not go and we cannot have a sensible limit on terms like the US, then let us follow the church's example and set a natural limit. Here then are the xoggoth nominations for party leaders:

Labour These men have a wealth of experience from being ministers in the Wilson administration. Naturally, this being Labour, I would prefer to nominate those who are already dead. The ashes of the batty but very principled Barbara Castle would have made an excellent choice for Britain's second woman PM but unfortunately the rules require that Prime Ministers, even Labour ones, must be alive when they assume office.

Dennis Healey 89Tony Benn 81Roy Mason 82

Tory Again a bunch of experienced ministers, this time from the Thatcher era. These are all a bit younger than the Labour lot but no sane person would be so desperate for them to pop their clogs anyway. I reckon it would only take Benn a year or two to totally feck the country while Tebbit would actually make a damn good PM, much better than the Blithering Cameron anyway. I did try and find some surviving ministers from the Douglas Home era as Douglas was the best PM we ever had, i.e. he did absolutely bugger all, but without success.

Normal Tebbit 75Douglas Hurd 76Nigel Lawson 74

Lib Dem Erm. I think we are ok as we are here.

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Stupid award of the week

I do like Boris Johnson. If we can't have David Davies or Norman Tebbit as Tory leader, let's have Boris. If nothing else, he would keep us amused and anyone who offends foreigners and Liverpudlians can't be all bad. Sideline the far too polite queen and we could have Boris as PM and Prince Phillip as the main royal. What a combination!

This time Boris has offended Papua New Guinea. Most of us have a vague idea that cannibalism happened there long after it died out elsewhere (excluding Hannibal Lector sorts) but I am sure most of also think it has probably not happened for decades. My stupid award does not go to Boris but to the spokeswoman for that country.

Miss Kekedo said that cannibalism had ceased to be an everyday occurrence with the introduction of Christianity some two centuries ago. Chief-killing was similarly frowned upon in what was now a fully signed-up member of the Commonwealth.

"ceased to be an everyday occurence?" "frowned upon?" Sorry but that reads to anyone who speaks English as though you only eat people on special occasions and that you really do your best not to kill chiefs but youslip up occasionally. One of those occasions it would have been better to say nothing I think.

Seriously though Boris, you cannot be a politician and also write tongue in cheek articles for newspapers, you must be dull and ernest in public like the rest of them. Most of the world has no sense of humour. Here's an idea, you take over Bloggoth and you can write whatever you like as nobody ever reads it. I will take over your DT column. Of course I am no more PC than you are but as I am not a politician it doesn't matter. In any case, it would not be long before people got fed up with turning to my column to find I am whittering on about slugs again and soon nobody would read that either.

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Good grief!

As if we needed more, yet another example of the waste of human potential that is Islam.

In the DT supplement today, an article on Pakistan's madrassas. To be fair it does report that, contrary to popular opinion, these are not usually hotbeds of militant Islam and the Mullahs generally avoid extreme teachings. Actually, they avoid teaching anything at all other than the Koran. Not the meaning or lessons of the Koran, just the words; they have to learn the entire contents off by heart and as it is in Arabic they don't actually understand a word of it. What a preparation for life in the modern world! No wonder it is their neighbours in India who are making all the progress.

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Another stunning nature pic from the xoggoth wildlife park

I see that certain other blogs are still posting pictures of kute kittens at every opportunity so I thought I would go one better and post a picture of my second favourite animals. (After slugs)

You would not believe how much Tescos Finest Rasberry Jam a few wasps can eat. Hope they don't get obese and develop secondary diabetes. Still, they gorge themselves on rotten fruit at this time of the year anyway and at least jam hasn't got any alcohol in it. That's an idea, wonder if they like wodka?

KEY: Right to left, top to bottom. Wallace, William, Waldo, Willehmena, Wendle, Wanda, Wendy, Wade


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More jam, more waspies

The names all begin with W. This is conclusive proof that wasps are Polish.





Good bloody riddance

I refer of course to He-Who-Must-Be-Stabbed. May 31st! I can't wait if true!

Now I admit that us contractors were biased against this government almost from the start due to IR35 and very few of us, being independent sorts by nature with the capacity to earn decent money, have much time for all the state interference and largely indiscriminate wealth redistribution that defines Labour governments. So when somebody comes up with a list of HWMBS's acheivements, while I don't believe a word of it, it is possibly, just remotely, true that somewhere in there are a few genuine accomplishments. In most areas, is his government really that much worse than Major's or Callaghan's for example? Most governments, whatever the party, are total shite and they are mostly total shite because on all the significant issues they ignore the wishes of the majority of the populace. But twice in my lifetime there have been specific issues, those with which the PM has been closely identified, that have made any successes they may have had totally insignificant.

It happened when Edward Heath took us into the EEC on the back of totally false assurances that it was little more than a trading block and without the referendum that such a major constitutional change would have required in a real democracy.

It happened when HWMBS invaded Iraq on the back of totally false assurances about a threat that never existed, killing thousands of Iraqis and condemning the rest to an uncertain future that, so far, looks a damn site worse than anything they would have suffered under Hussain. In the process he has not only not furthered the war on terror but set it back enormously and made Britain a top target for terrorism.

If he is thoroughly stabbed as he deserves to be, him and Heath are bound to find lots to talk about.

Update

Did you see the lying bastard on TV last night insisting that his hanging on was purely for the good of the country and the interests of the people?

Pardon me while I VOMIT!

Update 2

Here is what everyone thinks of you HWMBS - now FECK OFF! If you do go on a farewell tour, be sure to visit Blackburn and build a few bridges by shaking hands with some young Muslim men, especially any carrying large black canvas rucksacks.

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Suggestions for MORE government nannying

News in Today's Times that our children are among the laziest in the world, spending more time in front of TVs and computers and exercising less than those in almost any other country. An article too about how the government is considering banning standby buttons as a way of tackling global warming.

Why not kill two birds with one stone by forcing redesign of all electronic systems not only to save energy but to ensure that children and others are forced to take more exercise? These are some of the measures that should be enforced by law:-

  1. Cars can only be unlocked by using two remotes in sequence. Neither will work further than 3 feet from the car and then only if the other remote is not closer than 50 feet.

  2. All TVs will be fitted with an encoded electronic switch that receives a signal from transmitter masts to be located throughout the country. Just before any popular program commences the signal will change and the viewer will need to carry the TV set to the other side of the room before it will work again.

  3. Computer games must be programmed with a function that splits the image into two sets of horizontally displaced vertical bands so that the picture is almost incomprehensible to the naked eye. The game may be played by wearing glasses with special directional fresnel lenses that assemble the bands in the correct order provided the viewer is the correct distance away. The exercise function will randomly change the displacement forcing the players to run backwards and forwards to view the image.

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More wisdom from the xoggoth garden

Bit of sun today so sitting with missus in the 5000 acre garden of xoggoth Towers.

That Hitchcock film The Birds. What a load of crap that was! Pretty clear from watching the garden birds that no amount of sparrows, pidgeons, starlings and such commonplace garden birds could have any impact on a human at all. A peck that was not adequate to penetrate human skin does not become able to penetrate human skin just because there are more of them. The only way I could think of for such birds to overpower a human would be if there were so many of them they could suffocate him, in which event they would mostly suffocate themselves also.

I really hate films that don't make scientific sense. I intend to do my own remake of The Birds in which the birds in question are all Ostriches and Emus and Condors and similar large birds of prey which could realistically kill a man. They have all escaped from various zoos all over America and have by sheer coincidence found themselves in Bodega Bay where there is no Ostrich/Emu/Condor/etc food and they are forced to attack and eat humans instead. I think it would be a better film than Hitchcock's drivel as the plot would be much more credible.


The evident solution to criminality in young males is not ASBOs or expensive electronic tags but bells hung round their necks like that poxy ginger cat that comes in our garden. Then the law abiding would know who they were and be able to keep an eye on them. I trust the police would take appropriate action if a belled youth even thought about crapping on somebody's lawn.

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Saving our wildlife

I was checking out the plot of the Birds and got this popup. Adopt A Wild Animal

I think this is very worthy and am happy to endorse such efforts. However, my fellow xenophobes will have noticed that those are all foreign animals. What about our own British species?

Good BRITISH slugs, none of whom are Mormons or other ghastly foreign sorts, are at risk in the xoggoth garden thanks to the missus who has put down slug pellets to protect her Irises. I am sure you would all like to contribute towards ensuring a safe future for these delightful little animals from as little as £5 a month. Yes I know this is twice as much as that site wants to adopt a Panda, but dash it! these are proper British animals we are talking about, not subversive bamboo-chewing Maoists.

Please send your donations to xoggoth at xoggoth Towers by clicking the link below.

Adopt a BRITISH slug

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A broader education for dogs

We tend to flick over to the news channel when ads come on but unfortunately we often tune back to find we have missed a bit. Nice if there was something that would automatically tune to something more interesting when adverts are on and tune back when they finish. If we can tell an advert from a program it must be possible to train a dog to do it. It would just need to have its own little TV in the corner and a dog adapted remote.

Why do we only train dogs for such a limited array of single tasks?, helping the blind and sniffing out bombs and drugs seems to be about it. What about blind terrorists? Their guide dog can take them to the shops for a packet of lard but when it comes to finding where he hid the bomb making equipment in the cellar the damn thing would just sit there and look bewildered because it hasn't been to bomb sniffing school. I think such treatment of some of our disabled just because they are (allegedly) terrorists is quite disgraceful.

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Close to home

Yesterday's police raids have included one on an Islamic school in Mark Cross, near Crowborough, East Sussex. The men currently on trial for terrorism charges at the Old Bailey include four from Crawley West Sussex. Today's raids have included the arrest of a man in Bromley, South London, where I used to live. Darn, this is all getting rather close to home! I am watching the missus very carefully. She looks suspicious to me

Don't expect gratitude

A complaint one often sees about some migrants is that they are ungrateful; that they are happy to accept the better standard of living and freedom that our society provides and then feel it is their right to try and mould it, at the expense of the rest of us, along the lines of the society they left.

One could make the same complaint about anything and anyone. Gratitude is not a natural human characteristic and anyone who does anything with the expectation of receiving it is a fool. When we help others we should do so either out of charity expecting nothing in return or out of pure self interest, making sure that they give us what we want in return. (Preferably in advance)

This brilliant piece of xoggoth wisdom is drawn from the same impeccable source that inspires me in all things. Observation of what earthworms and other creatures do. I reckon one could sum up human nature and predict the whole course of human history from a few weeks' observation of a bag of wasps.

Animals are bloody ungrateful!!! We always feed the birds and what do we get in return? The little feathered bastards crap all over our car and our garden furniture! I have to clean down the little concrete seat near the pond before we can sit on it! Among them is a pair of pheasants who are now very tame. They hang around a foot away waiting for some seed, crushed peanut or a bit of Hobnob (their favourite). As soon as they have cleared the table Mrs Pheasant heads straight for the border and chucks bark all over my lawn. I leave bits of jam out for wasps. Does it stop them gnawing bits off our hardwood bench? It does not! We have a fox we sometimes leave scraps out for. Will it stop chucking the contents of our bin bags all over the garden? Will it hell! Some of the scraps are probably eaten by the badger and that's started digging neat little round holes all over my lawn again! This time last year it looked like a scale model of St Andrews.

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News roundup on vibrant Britain

This week the spokesdrone for the Borg Council Of Britain pronounced collectively on behalf of the many Borg in Britain, once again denouncing British society for its immorality and pointless pursuit of individualism. By contrast, they said, the Borg way of life was a rational and tolerant one and the Borg only wanted to raise the quality of life of the species they assimilated.


Sir Unit 813754-X 942 was speaking in the wake of a controversial poll of British Borg that showed that more than 40% wanted the British to be fully absorbed into the collective hive-mind.


More Daleks have been arrested in North London and Birmingham following the alledged discovery of a major plot to Exteeeeeerminate passengers on board flights to the US. It is believed that the Daleks planned to do this by firing their ray guns at them while simultaneously going "Extreeeeeeerminate! Exteeeeerminate! An unnamed source within the British security community says that had this plot succeeded very many people would have been Extreeeeeeerminated. Although this plot has been foiled he said, we must not be complacent. The risk remains very high.

Davros Dal has denounced plans to profile Daleks at airports as discriminatory. Not all Daleks wish to exteeeeerminate he said, one individual in the recent series was actually rather pathetic. This view seems to be supported by a recent poll among the public. Many feel that it would be quite impractical to identify a Dalek with certainty as many non-Daleks have sink plungers sticking out the front.

Speaking at his London home Mr Dal also denounced British policy, which he said was the main reason for Dalek alienation. Metal dustbins were being increasingly pushed out by councils and being replaced by green wheelie bins. The Daleks' way of life was under threat.



There have been more street clashes in London between marauding gangs of Predator youths vs Alien youths and several have been severely injured, one Predator youth fatally. Before the ambulance could arrive, he laughed maniacally like Dale Winton before activating a plasma-based self-destruct device that destroyed a significant area of Peckham. The fight spread into a neighbouring area with many Independence Day extra-terrestrials who have been fighting a cultural war with the Aliens over the latter's tendency to spray over their urban graphitti with their own in the style of H.R. Geiger.

It is thought that the fight initially broke out when a group of Alien youths taunted the Predators for having ugly mandibles beneath their masks instead of several rows of KOOL big drippy teeth.

A spokesman for the youths later put this and many other incidents down to the exclusion of these groups from British society. He denounced as utterly racist the assertion by Migration Watch that simply because these youths came from societies bent on destroying all other lifeforms throughout the universe that they should not have free admission to British society. "These unfortunate people are fleeing persecution by Sigourney Weaver and others on their own planets" he said "and they have a right to be here. Their presence enriches our society."


The home secretary has promised a debate on immigration in the wake of public concern about the huge number of Tribbles flooding into Britain following admission of their home planet to the EU. Only 600,000 Tribbles have come here in the year since membership but because of their high birth rate most of the Home Counties is covered to a depth of 5 feet with the gentle little creatures.

Some have questioned the usefulness of migrants who consume large quantities of food but do nothing but tremble and make little purring noises but leaders of some of Britain's biggest businesses have called on the Government to continue to allow unlimited immigration from Tribble World and also allow unlimited immigration by the Zoonies and the Snarfs when their planets join the EU next year. We need more little furry creatures to go "Full power" and "Snarf Snarf" a lot said their spokesman. He added that the Tribbles had been "a huge boon to the UK economy and our success in the global market depended on taking in many more like them"



Revellers enjoy the multi-cultural atmosphere at the hugely popular Nether Hell Carnival which every year contributes to the local economy by raising more than £36 million for local businesses while costing the ratepayers a mere £500 million in policing costs.



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Do they learn nothing?

About three years back, in one of the many discussions on the subject of Islam and terrorism on CUK I remarked that we were lucky in this country in that most of our Muslims were from the Indian subcontinent rather than North Africa where, at that time, all the fanatics seemed to be coming from. I further remarked that Pakistanis appeared to have their heads screwed on and that the young seemed to be increasingly fitting into our society.

What a damn fool I was! Yes I admit, I used to be one of those "I know a couple of Muslims and they are darn nice people and therefore there is no Islamic threat" brigade. I too was fooled by the outward appearances of those polite young men who played cricket. Also at that time I had not looked into Islam, particularly at the laws in Islamic countries and at the way growing Islamic conservatism around the world threatened such freedoms as did exist and had not begun to realise what even the moderate Islam of the majority, those genuinely darn nice sorts, actually implied for the sort of society I believe in. Terrorist or peaceful, fanatic or moderate, the last thing we need in this society is free admission of more adherents of this religion. So I find Liam Fox's comments on Turkey bordering on the insane and yet another reason not to vote for this shitty Tory party led by a whittering and stupider version of Tony Blair.

EU supporters should make up their minds. Is it just a trading block? in which case let us tear up all the free movement nonsense and the social dimensions and admit Turkey and anyone else who meets the market criteria. Or is it more than that? If the broader European vision is about anything it should surely be about shared values. Practically speaking, fundamentally different views on the principles of how society should be governed are not likely to lead to harmony. Yes, Turkey has an imposed secular government but you cannot simply ignore the views of a mainly Muslim populace when there is a growing Islamic movement. Just how solid is Turkey's secularism? Do we really want to admit a moderate western-oriented Turkey to the UE and find ourselves in the aftermath of an election with a ranting Iran clone scuppering every proposal* that is not Islamic enough?

And Islam aside, do we honestly want free access by a body of people in which 40% support honour killings and 21% think the girls nose and ears should be cut off? Why are we so bloody politically correct that we are not prepared to speak out against utterly barbaric beliefs and practices of other cultures?

*PS. Actually an Islamic state completely paralysing the EU and leading to its eventual break up doesn't sound such a bad idea! Maybe Liam Fox is not an idiot after all. Please ignore everything I have said above. Admit Turkey immediately!

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I told yer didn't I???

A while back I said that us heavy metal fans were never violent, it was always the rappers who were criminals. According to the schoolgirl who was stabbed with a screwdriver and narrowly missed losing the sight in one eye:

She had been labelled a "metaler" – a reference to heavy metal music – by her alleged assailant and her friends. She had also been singled out because she dressed in "goth" style.

She said any pupils who didn't like chart, pop, rap or hip-hop music were labelled as metalers and it was a category she was pushed into and had not been able to shed.

As a heavy metal/classical/blues music fan I hate violence. Anyone who is into rap, hiphop or similar degenerate shite, should be rounded up and shot. Kylie Minogue and Robbie Williams fans should get 30 years penal servitude. With daily beatings. I just hate violence.

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A much deserved award

The Gerald Ratner prize for total stupidity in business this week goes to the Post Office for disciplining a postman who advised people how to stop junk mail being delivered to their letterboxes. They could have just had a QUIET word and told him to desist but instead everyone now knows we have a remedy against having this crap delivered. I expect it will cost them a great deal of money.

Serves them right! the bastards! The recent change to size-based rather than weight-based charging will significantly cut my small company's profits as we supply a lot of laminated A4 sized information sheets that cannot be folded.

I shall have my revenge. (in this life or the next) Hmm. Not weight-based eh? I see it is possible to buy depleted Uranium on the net.

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Migration (of birds)

Remember what late winter/early spring was like? the way the newspapers were obsessed with the perils of Bird Flue and all because the Chinese can't refrain from shagging chickens?

Heard the first honking in the flooded quarry behind our house this weekend. Late summer going on autumn and in a few weeks the geese will be congregating en masse before heading back to their winter residences.

Come on Porton Down! do your patriotic duty and give us a few decent diseases to send back. I for one will volunteer to shag a few migrating birds if that will help.

HONK 'N SQUAWK N LOCK 'N LOAD - IT'S PAYBACK TIME!



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Firefox? You can keep it

Why does everyone keep rabbiting on about how great Firefox is compared to IE? Not for website developers it isn't. Over the years Microsoft have introduced a number of useful objects and methods like all, filters etc. which do not work at all in Firefox.

Other things work differently. That scrolling index at left is easy in IE as the offsetHeight of the DIV is automatically whatever it needs to be to accomodate the text. Not in Firefox, every time I add an index item I have to set height by trial and error to make it work.

Even basic HTML things like % width are defined differently. If you are viewing this in IE you will see a significant wasted black space around the main panel. It was the only way I could get the panel to be visible in Firefox without going off the right hand edge of the screen.

If anyone ever read this blog somebody would now pop up and remark pompously that IE's methods are non-standard. I really don't give a fek! As far as I am concerned, when a program is the clear market leader for a long period, ITS METHODS DEFINE THE STANDARD and what some bunch of nerdy beardy sandal-wearing anti-Microsoft UNIX freeks set down in 1803 has nothing to do with it. (Security flaws excepted)

When I design a web page in IE I expect it look and work exactly the same in Firefox, if it doesn't, since they came later, it's Firefox' fault not IE's. it's about time Firefox started making their product fully IE compatible or got out of the market because frankly it is wasting an awful lot of a great many peoples' time.

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More Lebanon

That Israeli strike on a Reuters vehicle. Drive around at night near a combat area in a reinforced vehicle and these things happen. Hey! here's an idea! why not work for your local newpaper and report on garden fetes and write articles about middle aged women (always called Jean for some reason) raising money for breast cancer INSTEAD of being a war correspondent?

Or did it even happen at all? Was it just more propoganda? I am not so sure it was but one thing is apparent; when incidents of this sort are perpetrated by the Israelis there is usually the strong possibility of a mistake or unfortunate accident. They at least do not indulge in kidnappings of journalists where there can be no such possibility. I suppose one should be grateful that the captors in Gaza, unlike Islamic kidnappers elsewhere in the world, have so far released the prisoners unharmed. Assuming you do not count being threatened with a gun pointed at your head as harm that is. I would guess it takes some of these captives quite a time to recover from that.

On the relative merits of the two sides in this conflict I think this blog item says it all. The world should do more to help those who have lost a lot through no fault of their own. About time it stopped wasting so much effort on the professional losers.

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