 
Page 21
The ramblings of an old git
bloggoth Mission Statement:
We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower
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Another typical day in the sad and seedy life of xoggoth
xoggoth has been fixing the oil-fired central heating...
...one very rare bath later
ectasy!
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Jetsom
Me and missus went for long walk near Birling Gap today and stopped for drink at the gap itself. Both beaches covered
in timber from the Ice Prince.
A ship wrecks off Devon and they get BMW motorbikes,
a Ship wrecks off Sussex and we get big lumps of wood! Ta a bunch! Look, Poseidon, god of shipwrecks, next time the usual bunch of
ugly dimwit Phillipinos sinks their unseaworthy Greek-registered vessel off a coast near me, can we please have a cargo of:
- High class blow up sex dolls, all different, with three holes and real feel vaginas.
- Loads of crates of expensive 76% proof vodka and some crates of Bells for the missus.
- Kalashnikov automatic rifles, each with 300 rounds of ammo, and some boxes of hand grenades for dealing with MR PIKEY SCUM.
Thanks very much.
Odd phrases
God knows why it made TV news, but there was an item on BBC London tonight about a major sewage leak problem
on an estate in Crystal Palace. Gordon Bennet, I lived near Crystal Palace 25 years ago and it has not half
(warning! warning! PC euphemism approaching) "changed". Say no more!
Apart from that, what struck us for the first time was the phrasing. If a sewer has sprung a leak, why do people
always complain of the smell of "raw sewage"? It implies that if only the sewage was properly cooked there would not
be a problem.
As he seems to like doing the social responsibility bit these days, maybe
Jamie Oliver should get
round there and instruct those CP residents and anyone else who has similar problems just how nutritious sewage can
be if only it is properly prepared. 5 minutes at regulo 7, a squeeze of lemon, pinch of garlic, served on a bed
of rocket salad.
"Pukka"
Where dreams and reality meet
It must be a familiar thing to all those who have at least attempted some imaginative writing or art that dreams and
reality never marry too well. How often have we woken up with the remains of some dream in our head and thought
"that would make a great idea for a story" but when the full light of day dawns it makes no sense whatever?
To those of us who have any waking sense that is.
A lack of realism is not to be despised, only its inappropriate application. Long ago, in
common with many, we used to despise modern art. Well, it isn't really art is it? Mostly daubs, patterns, swirls,
and if anything was recognisable, it was a distortion or a pointless juxtaposition of apparently unrelated objects.
What a fool we were! In these days of perfect photography, what is the point of purely figurative art other than
as a means of learning the techniques, an exercise in ways to convey our perceptions via our hands? That enigmatic
smile on the Mona Lisa?, Just photograph the prissy looking bitch and be done with it!
Art that has any value conveys what is in our minds, what only depicts reality no longer has any purpose outside of the
classroom.
Reality is logic, a grasp of how the physical world operates and an appreciation of cause and effect. It has value
because in our waking world it provides our surest guide in all we do. Art is imagination, an insight into how our minds work,
it has value simply because it does, it means something to us although we do not know why.
Religion is a total fuck up of the two, it is the impractical imaginery world of dreams imposed on reality.
The visions, whether of Muhammed, Bernadette or Joan of Arc, may have subjective value because they strike a chord
in our subconscious. They should mean nothing in the real world of physics and cause and effect. They only do among
the bloody religious irrationals who will not think for themselves.
Look Moses, I know you had that vision in which the Lord said "Place ye
the foundation stone upon a donkey, turn thrice about and in seven days shall I raise the pyramids to the heavens
to buy the freedom of the people of Israel" but, let's face it, it's been five fucking weeks now and bugger all has
happened!
FFS shut up!
I think everyone in the UK must be fed up to the back teeth with the crap surfacing weekly in the Madeleine McCann
case.
In the last few days we have yet another picture of a suspect who looks like something from "Land of the dead".
This awful "creepy" and "disturbing" looking chap was apparently hanging around the complex, making strange visits to
apartments and was so horribly memorable that he made the witnesse's "blood run cold". How strange that the witness never
thought to mention him until nearly 8 months after the event!
Now we read
that this same creepy looking man bears a "striking resemblance" to
a chap seen carrying a child by another tardy witness. Hey you're so right" look at that! black hair and trousers!
Must be the same chap!
All this remind me very strongly of The Crucible.
I saw Sarah Good with the Devil! I saw Goody Osburn with the Devil! I saw Bridget Bishop with the Devil!
I did too!
One's bits are one's own
Going from our paternal antecedents we at bloggoth have slightly less than 4 years left on this mortal coil. Ok, maybe
grandad bloggoth would have lasted longer had he not been bottled and then stabbed in a backstreet in Rio De Janeiro but all
the same, it makes one think about mortality. Proposals on the opt out
scheme seem a bit more relevant than they did ten years back.
When ya dead, ya dead and we are not overly concerned about what happens to our vodka-raddled old organs afterwards.
It did rather piss us off that the "state" should dictate their fate but we were quite swayed by the sensible Dr Jonathon
Miller's arguments that really the state has nothing much to do with it. It is true that the state makes the law, but the decision to
actually use one's bits is not made by faceless civil servants but by doctors whose primary concern is supposedly the needs
of patients.
We have two real problems with the idea:
- If we are lying there and our outcome looks rather grim while the potential donee's fate looks promising if only
he gets an organ of ours, if any, that has not totally degenerated through excessive drinking and self-abuse,
will the doctor be inclined to expend less effort in saving us?
- Far more importantly, will our organs be used to save some utter bastard who we would much prefer to be dead?
We at bloggoth therefore favour a combined system of general opt-in and specific opt-out, where, in the absence of explicit
instructions, everyone would be assumed to agree to use of their organs provided that they were not used for saving the lives of
those they did not like. There would a default list one could adopt, the provisional default list to include:
- Politicans
- Civil servants
- Lefties
- Horrible foreign people
- Horrible common people
- Stuck up gits
- People who hunt foxes, swat wasps etc.
- Intolerant religious sorts who want to impose their superstitions on tne rest of us
- That awful cooking bloke who swears a lot
- MR or MRS PIKEY SCUM
We propose that everyone be injected with a DNA marker, like that thing in Jurassic Park, to ensure that any attempt
to transplant a donor's organ into the body of someone they did not want to donate to would result in explosive
rejection.
Through an administrative mix up, MR PIKEY SCUM accidentally receives one of bloggoth's kidneys, triggering an explosive
tissue rejection resulting in the total destruction of South East England.
More government intrusions to no good purpose
It seems the stinking government is to look at ways to outlaw
websites promoting extremism.
Another of those fine sounding
ideas that we are all supposed to support. When the government states these apparently laudable motives for more monitoring
and censorship, they are trying to push us into a corner where any opposition appears unacceptable. After all, who but an
extremist would object to closing down "extremist sites"? who but a paedophile sympathiser would object to censoring our emails to
"protect children"?
Perhaps before giving a knee jerk response of instant approval, we should first ask whether the stated aims are the real
ones, whether the proposed measures actually achieve the stated ends and whether the reductions, if any, in the problems
justify the extra intrusions into our private lives. And yes, even when it comes to stopping terrorists/paedophiles, we still
have to weigh up the advantages against the drawbacks. After all, one could almost eliminate paedophilia by cutting every bloke's
cock off but it isn't an acceptable solution. Our laws should be about reasonable balance.
How effective would such a ban be? I daresay lots of Muslim youths rant and rave on these sites but I wonder how many
have simply seen a few things on a website and gone out to bomb a tubetrain? Zero would be my guess. Radicalisation is not achieved
by HTML alone, it comes with corresponding and meeting up with kindred spirits, by having your thoughts reinforced by
personal contact. To actually take part in an effective terrorist action you have to meet up with others and plan.
So you stop them saying "kill infidels" on websites. What is the point if they can simply post details of local meetings to
"Promote the Muslim agenda" which youths can then go along to and shout "kill infidels"? Darn sight better to let them do it online
I reckon, then you know who to watch.
This all looks to us at bloggoth like another meaningless government action as an excuse to avoid taking effective actions,
like checking out radical mosques, arresting the rabble rousers instead of turning a blind eye, reducing the numbers coming
from known radical countries like Pakistan, performing proper checks on those that do
and properly monitoring those travelling to and from them.
Ah yes, and let's not forget the marvellous side effect of taking away a few more freedoms from the rest of us.
Get in quick
Continuing from previous....
The fact that it is an utterly crap measure means that it is certain to be enacted by this government. At some point
in the next year or two none of us (except radical Muslims of course as effective action agains them would be racist) will
be able to post anything extreme that looks like an incitement to violence or terrorism.
Quick, quick, NO TIME TO WASTE!!!!
KILL {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff}! Slaughter MPs, crush cabinet ministers and RIP out their bowels! Pile civil
servants up in a big pit and set fire to them! Drown taxmen in strong caustic soda solution!!! Hooray!
Hooray!
Hooray!
Murder
Mince
Kill!
Hooray!
Everyone agreed that the Chancellor's budget that year
was one of the best ever, especially as the Stinger missile did not damage the famous red dispatch box.
Today's hero
Is Wesley Snipes, who
is to be tried on
tax charges.
Mr Snipes therefore joins the band of celebrities like Ken Dodd, Lester Piggot, Pavorotti et al who
can do no wrong in the eyes of we at bloggoth. If it was Osama Bin Laden vs the tax authorities we would back Osama any day.
But Mr Snipes is not just any tax evader, he is a member of a movement that believes taxation is an illegal imposition
on citizens. Of course it will not happen, but wouldn't it be great if he won?! If tax was ruled illegal in the US then
maybe the movement would spread to other countries.
In the very unlikely event there are any horrible lefty sorts among the non existent readers of bloggoth, no,
not having central taxation
would not mean the disabled and other unfortunates being left to starve, what it would mean is that we could go back to the sound
principles of the poor laws and restore a proper local system of care with less expensive beurocracy that properly distinguishes
the deserving from the undeserving.
Oh, ok, we suppose the change might mean hardship for a few.
Like all those fecking civil servants, especially taxmen. Hooray!!!!
bloggoth silly award
Top ten worst neighbours.
Good grief!!!!
Those, like we at bloggoth, who like VIZ always assumed that certain aspects of "Tasha Slapper" were exaggerated.
It seems not.
Today we are mostly
Drawing portraits of pirates for the missus. The problem with primary education is that one can never mention
the interesting stuff. What is the fun of studying 18th century seamen if you are not allowed to mention rum and bum?
We have always wondered, if the British army went to battle on gin and the British navy on rum, what did our airforce
drink before they went into battle? We would like to think our pilots got tanked up on Smirnoff before the Battle of
Britain but that isn't very British, so it must have been whisky.
bloggoth heaven goes sour
We at bloggoth have no taste in anything. That is to say, we have no taste according to the pathetic measures used
by the common mortal, by our own measure we have infinitely superior taste.
We are absolutely delighted by the large numbers of horror films on TV recently, especially those with ZOMBIES.
ZOMBIES! Hooray! hooray! yeh! Just last night alone we had Reanimator and Shawn Of The Dead. Our DVD recorder is positively
frying, we can tell you. Unfortunately the missus, whom we entrust with these menial things that are quite beneath us, failed
to record Reanimator properly. Are you reading this Dr Holocaust? Yes, she failed to record an H P Lovecraft movie! What is the fitting
fate for her? 20 years down a well and then being shagged by Edgar Alan Poe is scarcely enough in my view.
Unfortunately, our love of horror movies does not always sit well with our prosaic engineer's nature. These little
bits of mundane reality keep popping up to spoil things. Tonight for example, we watched Jeepers Creepers, which the missus
did manage to record properly (ta a bunch, mrs bloggoth!). It is about a demon-like creature that comes back every 23 years
and kills people, beheading them and stitching them back together for some reason best known to itself. Highly convincing plot
so far, we think our non-existent readers will agree.
It also drives a rusty and really sinister looking but very fast truck. A demon drives a truck???
The whole film was spoiled for us by the recurring thoughts that come naturally to us practical engineer
sorts. Where does it get its truck serviced? Does it use a Haynes manual and do it itself or does it take it to the local garage?
Is that truck properly taxed and insured? Where does it get new tyres from when they are worn out?
PS. For our occasional US visitor: Silencer=muffler. Your term is much more accurate we have to say.
At least that's one thing Yanks do better!
Tolerance too far
How much longer will this evil be permitted to continue? Why are our governments unable to deal with this threat to
the very fabric of our society? Just how much longer can we be expected to stomach the horror of
Elvis impersonators?
Strange sexual attractions
Discussion of the recent case, where adopted twins got married
when they were unaware of their relationship, indicates that there is a general problem of sexual attraction
between relatives who did not grow up together and even those meeting their natural parents for the first
time have to be counselled about this before the meeting. Apparently we are naturally attracted to those like us.
We can understand that in principle; if we at bloggoth were ever cloned or if we travelled back in time to meet
ourselves, we and our clone/former self would soon have shagged ourselves to death, regardless of the tabboos surrounding
such things. It would not be possible to resist such amazing sexiness.
Attractions go further apparently. In
this
article on hand rearing abandoned animals Desmond Morris describes the problems involved. There are three
types of animals, those which revert spontaneously to the wild state as adults, those which remain attached to their
human carers while interacting normally with their own species and those which come to regard themselves as human and do
not recognise their relationship to their own species. It is this last type that presents the real problems.
Morris describes the case of a female panda who rejected all advances by a male panda but would put herself
in the mating position when close to Morris himself.
We at bloggoth have always thought it would be nice to raise a nice little piggy as a pet. Wonder which of Morris's categories
pigs fall into?
Bleedin 'ell - what a choice
We in the UK are being bombarded by stuff about the US election so we at bloggoth had a look at the candidates.
This is a good link that covers the voting records and speech
of all the contenders. Beats me how they tell Clinton and Obama apart. Both crap on drugs, immigration and spending,
some of rest not too bad. As a politician we prefer Clinton, substance over poetry any day. As a writer Obama
looks brill but what is one supposed to make of this?
If the language, the humor, the stories of ordinary people were the stuff out of which families, communities, economies would have to be built, then I couldn't separate that strength from the hurt and distortions that lingered around us. And it was the implications of that fact, I realized, that had most disturbed me. The stories that I had been hearing from the leadership, all the records of courage and sacrifice and overcoming of great odds, hadn't simply arisen from struggles with pestilence or drought, or mere poverty. They had arisen out of a very particular experience with hate. That hate hadn't gone away; it formed a counter-narrative buried deep within each person and at the center of which stood white people-some cruel, some ignorant, sometimes a single face, sometimes just a faceless image of a system claiming power over our lives. I had to ask myself whether the bonds of community could be restored without collectively exorcising that ghostly figure that haunted black dreams.
Regardless of one's viewpoint about who is to blame, it would surely be in everyone's interest to raise the acheivements
of black America to the average. Call us boring but we would much prefer a politician who would come out with a dull list of measures
designed to achieve this, each with references to pilot studies, successes of similar policies in the states or overseas etc.
The
Blessed Perry would never have woffled on about ghostly figures haunting black dreams.
Right, that's enough of that! If you are looking for a serious analysis of the US candidates that requires us to do
some work, you clearly are not familiar with bloggoth. WE CANNOT BE ARSED is our motto here.
You have to admit, Islam is the only religion that makes sense
We at bloggoth spent hours filling in our tax return yesterday so naturally our thoughts turned to religion.
Let us suspend disbelief.
Genesis 1:26 tells us that God made man in his own image. Obviously, had we been god, we at bloggoth would not have
done so because we loath our fellow man. We would have stopped at day five, had a three day weekend
lying about in bed and spent the rest of eternity feeding jam to all those nice little creeping creatures.
Still, in normal person terms it makes sense, if you were a creator you would want to make something you could
relate to. So, assuming that god has many characteristics we would recognise, which of the creators makes the most sense?
Free will? Loving one's fellow man? The god of Christianity cannot be the supreme being
because he is clearly not a leader sort. He would have made a little bit of the universe then settled down in a little cottage with
three cats and devoted himself to counselling the bereaved and baking cakes for the poor.
Look at our human leaders, the egotism, the desire for power, the constant need for recognition
of their qualities, their conviction that they are right and have a duty to make the decisions for the rest of us regardless
of our own wants. Look at our states, the way they regulate for the sake of regulation, take our money
and require enormous amounts of our free time to cope with the pointless complexity of their laws.
Only Allah demands total submission and constant praise, imposes a miriad of rules, punishes anyone making their
own decisions and requires his worshippers to endlessly perform completely pointless rituals to his glory.
If god made man in his image then Islam is the only true religion.
A relative is for life not just for Christmas
Yesterday was Twelth Night.
We at bloggoth hope you all had a Happy Christmas and we even include those of you who have lost sight
of what Christmas really means, to wit, getting plastered on Smirnoff and looking for yuletide scat porn on the net.
Unfortunately, the warm thoughts of Christmas soon grow cold amid the realities of another bloody year.
Despite all the warnings, people get caught up in the spirit of goodwill and invite relatives for christmas,
only to realise by Boxing Day just how truly irritating and hateful these people thrust on us by accident of birth
really are. That dear old grandmother you welcomed into your house on Christmas Eve has become the awful old ratbag with loose
false teeth and a pervading smell of wee who insisted that you all watch the bloody queen's speech. And wouldn't you
love to get shot of your appalling old father who snored through the Boxing Day football or your annoying sister with the shrill voice?
Worst of all are your own children! You lovingly brought them all expensive presents only to be driven incandescent
by their shrill arguments over whose turn it is to play with the Wii. It is at Chrismas time, more than any other, that
you realise what an utter mistake they were! Thanks for nothing Durex! Is it really so hard to make a condom that
automatically instals itself onto your penis when you are too drunk to manage it??
The bloggoth appeal today is to our non-existent readers that they should donate to care for the many family members,
especially the disgusting old people and repulsive little children, who are given away to homes or, even worse, turned out on
the streets to fend for themselves at this time of the year.
Here we see one of the many abandoned old ladies at the Battersea Awful Old Relatives Home. Elsie was abandoned on the
streets of Croydon after her flatulence became too much for her family to cope with.
Elsie is affectionate and almost housetrained
but unless somebody comes to claim her within three months, she faces the same sad fate as many others at the home, she
will be put down.
Just £10 from you for each of them and Elsie and the many others like her will be humanely disposed of by lethal
injection rather than just battered to death with a rusty claw hammer for the amusement of the staff.
Thank you all for your kindness.
Basil Brush for PM
We at bloggoth have been following Rastaman's
ongoing series of comments
on the presidential candidates.
Between now and 2/11*, US citizens are obliged to whittle down a whole raft of self-serving bastards to decide
who is the next president. This is done in accordance
with some completely incomprehensible and bizarre indirect voting system known as the
electoral college which appears to have been
cribbed from the plot of a Harry Potter book.
The US system looks better than ours in that (in theory) the US president could be anyone, he/she does not have
to be a member of an established party or even have had to have previously held any public office.
What a splendid idea, there are many public figures outside politics whom Britains feel would make
an excellent PM. Many would support a bid by Jeremy Clarkson
for example, although we at bloggoth could never vote for him until he changes his policies on running over foxes.
Talking of foxes, there is one popular public figure who has grown enormously in stature in recent years,
Basil Brush. If we had the electoral college system, Basil would surely be a popular choice as PM.
But why stop there?
If we want a real democracy where the wishes of the electorate always count, why not replace all MPs by Basil Brush puppets?
Each puppet would contain simple animatronics linked to a computer in its constituency.
Laws and government actions would be proposed by citizens and every voter would have the option to register
his vote by internet or phone. When the lobby bells rang, the puppets would all go "boom, boom" and each would
then trundle into a lobby in accordance with his constituents' wishes.
A typically sound and well thought out scheme, we hear our non existent readers cry, but who would actually draft
the details of these laws? Oh well, I suppose that would have to be done by civil servants as now, but to increase
accountability we would cut their legs off and seal them up in big metal tanks. Too many registered complaints
about the workability of a law and the tank of the offending pen pusher gets filled with hot oil. Simple.
*Note: That's 11/2 to you Yanks
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Film
We at bloggoth have spent two days manning a stall at a "market place" at a conference in South wales.
What a fecking waste of time and money! Next time we shall check out these things myself rather than relying on
info from our stupid sister/business partner.
Dragged the missus along. There is not a lot to do when stuck in a Holiday Inn on a shopping mall by the M4 so went
to pics and saw "I Am Legend", best of a thoroughly bad lot of dull kid's films.
Not the missus's sort of thing at all.
Why don't they make films to suit men AND women? it can't be that difficult.
All they have to do in a proper man's film
for it to appeal to women is to stick in a few bits with Mrs Bennet moaning about how all these living dead are making it
difficult to get to the coming out ball so Elizabeth and her other daughters can meet husbands.
Men, on the other hand, would be quite happy to watch soppy historic romances if a few alien larva would burst
out from between the heroin's heaving bosoms at odd intervals.
Vampires are people too
"I Am Legend" is a basic vampire film* with the existence of vampires given a veneer of scientific justification.
As new men we found the Will Smith character's treatment of these vampires appalling. Surely one should not kill vampires
or experiment on them without considering their non-human rights.
What utter racist monsterophobia is exhibited in
horror films. Surely zombies have feelings too! Why do we react with blind predudice just because a flesh eating alien lay its
eggs inside human heads? We should try and understand these cultural differences and learn to respect them.
 |
 |
| Dracula shows his warm feeling side by demonstrating his love of flower arranging |
Here we have an old engraving of "St Anthony tormented by demons". This is an appalling negative image that persists to
this day. Why is is ok to demonise demons just because they are demons? |
*Note If you have not seen the film and intend to do so and do not want to know that most of the world's population
has been infected by a mutated virus intended to cure cancer and become ugly vampire-like creatures with a rabies-like
propensity to mindless aggression who can only come out at night and that the scientist played by Will Smith is trapped
in New York trying to find a cure then look away now.
Woops
Stop worrying, fat bastards!
As our non-existent readers will know, we at bloggoth are at or near the peak in every measure of physical and
mental perfection, in particular we are incredibly slim and athletic and never ever drink alcohol.
Godlike creatures like
ourselves have a duty towards lesser mortals like yourselves and we are aware how terribly worrying it must be for all
you fat ugly bastards out there to be told that obesity is now the
main source of liver disease. We have therefore decided to run a brief feature to cheer you up. Really, you do not need
to worry too much about the effects of your pathetic lack of willpower; there are things
much more likely to damage your liver.
Here are the things most likely to damage your liver in decreasing order of seriousness:
- Being abducted by a Texas serial killer and having your torso hacked into small bits with a chainsaw
- Having your midriff run over by a number 49 bus to Crystal Palace
- Lying under the machine attempting to tan your pasty midriff for an hour and wondering why the bloody
thing doesn't work, emerging to find you are in an X-Ray clinic, not a tanning studio
- Mistakenly using chloroform on your breakfast cereal instead of milk every day for a year
- Catching hepatitis A and deciding you just have to have the full set
- Running a charity hospice for liver flukes suffering from hepatitis C
- Having a packet of paracetomol with each cup of coffee instead of sugar
- Being a fat bastard and drinking too much
- Being a fat bastard
- Drinking too much
So get it in perspective and stop worrying, there are far worse things for your liver than your loathsome blobby figure.
Just be thankful you can't get seriously ill from being ugly.
Breaking news
Being ugly and unattractive causes cancer, say scientists.
Scientists have today announced results of new research linking being ugly and unattractive with cancer.
It has been known for a very long time that cancer rates rise with obesity and age but it was always assumed that
those links were direct. Now researchers have found that in fact it is the increasing hideousness of age/obesity
that causes the rise in cancer.
To read the rest of this article, subscribe to bloggoth science facts by sending £10 to the usual address.
If you dream something twice it must be true
There is a liquid you can get which, when sprayed on annoying relatives (which is all of them) causes them to reduce
to dried blobs in a tub of jelly, rather like pork brawn in a Pot Noodle pot. We at bloggoth used to sell pork brawn
at Selfridges as a student until we got fired for looking too unhygienic. The relative variety of brawn may be served with
creme fresh or sold on to supermarkets for a tidy sum.
PS It seems that pork brawn is also called headcheese. How revolting. We have heard of knobcheese, is there a cheese
variety for every part of the body?
Geneology
In another pathetic attempt to raise our readership above zero, we at bloggoth have decided to provide a regular
educational feature. This week we are covering the fascinating subject of geneology.
Here we see part of a typical family tree. There are several ways of showing family trees, some are highly pictorial, but
this shows a common convention. Descendants are shown by solid lines, while a marriage or other liason producing
offspring is indicated by proximity and a double or dotted line as here.
There are many variations on this scheme, here, for example, we see a family tree that is typical for
estates in Liverpool.
And here is another family tree for the wife's area of Northamptonshire:
We at bloggoth obviously cannot be arsed to research our own family history but we have made a start in case
our sons would like to. Unfortunately, one of our unions has not yet been blessed.
Family trees often contain other information such as dates of births, deaths and marriages although
the small scale of these diagrams did not allow us to add such details. In the Liverpool chart there would typically
be between 8 and 12 years between generations. The same figure for Northamptonshire would be between -100 and
+100. In Northamptonshire it is quite common for a man to be his own grandmother. The Northamptonshire family model
saves a lot of money at Christmas, one man told us he was able to buy one present for his wife, mother, daughter, niece and
great uncle as they were all the same person.
There are many other sorts, in Bradford or Birmingham for example, all the males would be called Muhammed
and there would be marriage links between all first cousins with ten offspring from each, while in Brighton
all the partners would be male and all children would be descended from the Brighton & Hove Gay Adoption Agency.
We do hope you have benefited from this brief instruction and that we have kindled an interest in further study
of this fascinating subject among our non existent readers.
Notes
- Re note on 2nd tree. You may think this must be a mistake. You do not know Liverpool.
- A brief key for our occasional US visitors. Northamptonshire=Catskill Mountains, Brighton=San Francisco.
- The above view of Northamptonshire is not widely held, in fact it is only held by we at bloggoth,
but what else matters?
Running out again
More visitors. We have done awfully well for us, at being sociable that is. Visiting Rome, how tourist spots have
gone downhill in recent years, merits of Northern cities, alcoholics, the decline of Western Super Mare.
After a while we run out of any desire for conversation and have sneaked upstairs for a while. They must think we have
some chronic bowel problem.
Ten blissful minutes reading first chapter of new book. Looking good.
The Book Of Guys, Garrison Kiellor.
Happy new year from all at bloggoth to all fellow misanthropes, mysogynists, misfits, xenophobes and depressives wherever you
are.
Once more into the breech dear friends...
Delusion
Much as we at bloggoth loath HORRIBLE FOREIGN PEOPLE we cannot entirely disagree with
recent comments
on the relative employability of those from countries like Poland or Czechoslovakia compared to our own.
Not just Europe either, from our own experience we would also be inclined to say the same about professional
sorts from India, they were not only horribly bright but quite noticeably more consciencious. On one fairly recent
occasion, a company I contracted for had about 25% Indian staff in my office, but when they needed some weekend
working to meet a deadline, we at bloggoth were the only white face in the office.
He said: "There is a sense, I am afraid, that more means less - that the rapid increase in the number of
students graduating from college or university has come at the expense of quality, in terms of knowledge,
attitude and employability."
Never a truer word.
Why should graduates from India or Poland be better choices for employers than those from the UK? Are the citizens
of those countries brighter? Possibly, but we are betting that a more relevant fact is that those poorer countries cannot afford
to put a large fixed percentage of their young through university regardless of their and their country's ability to
profit from the investment.
That is not to say we should abandon the less academically able, but we need to be more realistic and encourage them,
with practical courses and apprencticeships, into jobs and careers that suit their abilities. If we set targets at all, we should
be setting them with a view to allowing everyone to acheive their own potential not a PC delusion.
Good lord
The Blithering Drivelling (phony Tory leader) Camoron is
starting to
make sense in recent months. This won't do, we at bloggoth hate not to hate politicians.
Breaking news
In yet another bloggoth exclusive, we can reveal secret plans by the government to grab more tax to pay
for all those things we citizens love paying for, such as more perks for MPS,
hordes more civil servants with pointless jobs, rights for criminal migrants, new and improved rules to
limit our liberty, quangos for ex ministers etc.
It seems that the methods used in techniques recently
pioneered which allow corrective surgery to be performed on foetuses while still in the womb are to be
adapted by the government to deliver tax forms to embryos as young as six weeks old.
Your bloggoth reporter naturally asked why foetuses should be sent tax forms when they did not yet earn
any money they should be taxed on.
"This is old thinking" said a treasury spokesman "in modern Britain, citizens
should be raised from the earliest age possible with the expectation that they will a spend large part of their
lives filling in paperwork for the government and paying tax, whether they earn or not,
to pay for whatever the government decides is necessary. We have a duty to provide for the less fortunate in society
such as donors to the Labour party, er, I mean the disabled"
More breaking news
The government announced plans today to tax the deceased retrospectively.
Yet more breaking news
Message from the god of fog
After my prayer to Nebulus, god of fog, in the last but one item I was most disappointed that he did not
see fit to hear my prayer and I was forced to spend the day at a hideous family do I was hoping to get out of.
Curse you! curse you Nebulus! I cried, you failed me in my hour of need and I shall worship you no more!
When I got back I found this email:
Dear we at bloggoth,
I was very sorry I was unable to bring you fog today so you would have an excuse for not visiting your ghastly
inbred in-laws and having to listen to their interminable banjo playing. Unfortunately the king of the gods will not normally
allow fog or other severe weather preventing travel except when one is planning a holiday or other trip that one
is really looking forward to. He commands me that I will only be allowed to serve you in future if you have
already made a suitable sacrifice to his everlasting glory.
I am very grateful that you brought me into being by believing in me and hope I may be able to respond
properly to your prayers in future.
Kind regards,
Nebulus
Of course! How can we at bloggoth have thought that the old religions were ever any better? There is nowhere
in heaven or Earth where the same old egotism and self-interest of the powerful does not hold sway. Worship me,
honour me, exalt me, for that is why you, miserable man, was made. We do not believe in
Jahweh or Allah but we certainly do believe in that mightiest of all gods to which Nebulus refers.
For it is his law that governs everything.The great god SOD.
Pot calling
{Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} has
called the Bhutto killers "cowards who are afraid of democracy".
Coward is an overused word, but if it is cowardly to refuse to argue the merits of one's beliefs and allow the
citizens of one's country to make their own choices, then who, in the wake of signing the EU constitution recently
without the promised referendum, deserves the description more than the man uttering it?
Prayers to the god of fog
There is one thing you really can "blame the Jews" for, they kicked off the whole fashion for
miserable intolerant killjoy religions full of pointless obsessions. Judaism spawned Christianity, then the most miserable
obsessive compulsive disorder of them all, Islam.
Before that, the main civilisations had polytheism and religion looked like fun. You were not
stuck with worshipping one god, if you thought your god was a bit on the crap side then you just trundled off down the road
and sacrificed to a different one. Since they believed in all their gods, nobody would come along and behead you as
an apostate simply because you went to Hera's temple instead of Apollo's.
The thing about these earlier religions was that each god had charge of his own little bit of the world and,
for a little buttering up, would gladly deploy his powers in your favour. Who was the god of fog? Not sure there was
one but never mind, we at bloggoth have just invented him, Nebulus. Would non-existent readers of bloggoth please
join us in prayer to Nebulus.
Prayer to Nebulus
Oh Mighty Nebulus! god of fog, lord of damp dimness, master of obscure drippiness, favour us with your
deepest obscurations tomorrow, bring daytime darkness upon the M23, mistify the M25, cast your deepest shadows
upon the M1.
Oh Mighty Lord Nebulus, look with your hazed favour upon us at bloggoth, your most faithful (and only) worshippers.
Favour us with an excuse not to go for lunch at the in-laws!
Convergence
We at bloggoth are most pleased with some of the coven. Having chosen them for certain excellent views, we find
they hold other admirable viewpoints, admirable being wholly defined of course by what we at bloggoth think. Islamanazi
is our chief anti Islamic member, how fantastic to find he also has such a
loathing of politicians. Snails Tales is our
snail and other small soggy creatures member, but what admirable
atheist tendencies. They must have had these viewpoints
before, we just never noticed. Or are the links to those sites channels for bloggoth contagion? We do hope so.
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Oh FEK OFF!
We at bloggoth are seriously depressed this Christmas. We do not know why really, we only know that we
want a Kalashnikov and would gladly use it. Not on ordinary people of whatever creed or political persuasion,
we are all fellow pawns, just those that
leech off us and run our society in their own interests, or, (and this is just as bad), according to their views of
what is best for us without ever stooping from their place in the clouds to ask what we want.
We at bloggoth have never, ever, watched the bloody queen's speech and never, ever, would but are we seriously the only
ones who can read about a woman who has never had to want for anything, and not even as a result of her own ability and effort like
a Bono, a Beckham or a Branson, but simply by reason of a privileged position she was born into,
blethering on about helping those less fortunate than themselves
without wanting to PUKE?
PS OI! queen! I am much less fortunate than yourself, so can I have a million quid please? Come
Maundy Thursday I will gladly
follow your generous example and pass out 81 pence of it to a few common old farts of the parish.
Mask
The problems only start when we are required to say something.
These unfortunate things pop out "Oh, you've got two cats have you?, I hate cats, they should all be dropped into
big vats of vitriol" or "Oh, you're an {forgotten what she said now}?, is that another non-job funded out of our council
tax?" or (to missus on returning with drinks) "Watch out, that awful bloke C* is in the next room, oh, hello, Mrs C*".
We are also inclined to start complaining about the unreasonable cost of extras at the Kittens Massage Parlour and find
we are talking to the vicar's wife.
There are so many gadgets around these days, why has someone not come up with something to help us social lepers?
What we really need is something like those translaters in Star Trek etc. If the speech of aliens
from distant galaxies can be instantly rendered into American English with a Boston accent in the 23rd century surely it
should be possible to alter English sentences according to some basic rules in this century?
I envisage a discrete throat-mounted microphone that processes the words in a computer and outputs the reformed sentences from
a speaker hidden under the shirt. The computer program would provide a simple menu where you can select the occasion,
who you are talking to and what you want from the conversation.
(Dull village party, to pillar of local church)
- Input: Come along to your church meeting? Dunno. Which evening is the wife swapping? Any nice choirboys going
or has the vicar bagged all the best looking ones?
- Output: I would love to come to your bible class some time as I feel in need of spiritual renewal. I will be in touch.
(Contract interview)
- Input: Don't care what the contract's about really as I will probably spend my time surfing the net if I can get
away with it. Teamwork is overrated, I much prefer to do things my own way. I have always found
others too obsessed with standards and crap like that. What's the rate?
- Output: I am really excited by this project and would love to meet the other team members and get stuck in
and play my part. It isn't about the money for me, I just love challenge and the satisfaction of knowing I have
given the job my all.
(Disco etc., to female)
- Input: Cor! What a lovely big arse! If you get tired of dancing I've got this comfy old face you can sit on.
- Output: The selfishness and lack of respect so many have for others these days is deplorable.
I particularly hate the way that some men treat women as objects.
Religious nuttiness, Buddhism and ley lines
We live two miles from the place where Ron Hubbard wrote his guff and about 4 miles from a huge Mormon temple.
This area abounds in nutty religions and new age stuff but fortunately I do not have to list them as another bloggy person has
done it already.
Actually, there are more religions than I can see mentioned in that blog, there is also a Buddhist place within
two miles of me, I went to a meditation thing there once.
We all had to sit there for long periods in silent
contemplation. Cross legged was uncomfortable but I found one aspect of it very difficult.
One theory as to why we blessed with all this nuttiness, more than anywhere else in the UK, is the congruence
of ley lines in the area.
The original idea of ley lines
seems quite sound. These straightish lines were supposedly the trading routes connecting important places in prehistoric Britain.
People would presumably have navigated by sighting on the major prominences and other important sites
would then have been founded alongside these routes in the same way and for the same rational reasons that new developments in
modern times have clustered near main roads or railways. The idea of ley lines as lines of
supernatural power or
cosmic energy in the Earth which could be determined by divination was a later development. Like other concepts or incidents,
The Angels Of Mons, for example, the idea seems to have been seeded by a work of fiction.
It looked like hocus pocus but we at bloggoth pride ourselves on being open minded and after looking into it,
we are happy to admit we were wrong. We have even extended the concept to what we call micro ley lines, tiny lines
of power that determine our patterns of behaviour over much smaller areas, such as within our houses.
These may be accurately plotted by means of our special "micro dowser" made of a piece of Parmesan
cheese on two bits of spaghetti. For only £10 to the usual address we can supply a detailed spec. for this device.
Here we see in red the pattern of micro ley lines in the lounge & kitchen areas of the xoggoth household.
Key:
- Fridge
- Drinks cabinet with large stock of vodka
- Sofa
- Wife's bottom
- TV remote
Friends for dinner
SCUM
Unbelievable, now MPs, led by Labour ones who want to boost their pension before they lose their seats,
want a 10% pay rise.
Our pay has fallen further and further behind other similar groups and we are not prepared to put up with it any longer,"
said one. "We now earn less than some Polish plumbers - and that cannot be right."
Oh! boo hoo! Some of us are subject to market forces and the going rate is much the same as we got in 1992.
The difference is that
we now pay more tax voted in by these fucking MPs who vote themselves every tax free
perk imaginable for less and less real work, having given away power over much legislation to Brussels.
When they do vote on legislation most, with a few honourable exceptions, troop through the lobbies at the demand of the
whips like trained rats, their guiding principle being their own advancement in the party.
At least Polish plumbers do something useful.
Can we licentious drunks have Christmas back please?
We see
this story
over and over again, not just from the UK but from the US and Europe. It is just the details that change.
Those poor old Christians, always being prevented from following their religion by, in descending order of culpability:-
- Political correctness over Muslims and other immigrants of different faiths
- Those awful atheist religion-hating liberals
- Beelzebub and his minions
As believers in individual freedom we at bloggoth would agree it is indeed awful that atheists, Muslims or anyone else
should be invading Christian places and preventing them from observing their religion. The problem we have is that when you
actually look at these stories they are never entirely about that at all, rather they are usually about atheists, Muslims etc.
reserving the right not to have Christian practices imposed on the rest of us in public or in organisations that are not
exclusively Christian, having it taught to our children in state funded schools or being paid for by the taxpayer.
A carol, according to the COD, is "A joyous song, esp. a Christmas Hymn". It is not necessarily religious as
this list indicates. If we want to go along
and sing songs including "Jingle Bells", "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer" and "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth"
at an event organised by a secular society which we have funded from our subscriptions, why do we have to put up with boring prayers?
Christians are perfectly free to have whatever religious rituals they like at events funded by themselves.
Here is a page about the origins of Christmas
from a Christian site, so it must be true. Christmas is based on the Roman Saturnalia and that in turn may be based
on earlier worship of Mithras.
The Roman Catholic Church also had the habit of absorbing pagan traditions into Christendom, soon converting this holiday
commemorating the birth of the sun god into Christ Mass, a ceremony honoring the birth of the Son of God.
...
Christmastime celebrations before the 1800s among the commoners in England still featured much of the pagan revelry, at times little
more than wild, licentious carousals
...
After the Revolution, Christmas was reinstated in America, but it still bore much of the
raucous debauchery of its youth: a good opportunity to get drunk and procure sexual favors.
So there we have it, the truth. It is not that we horrible immoral unbelievers have debased Christmas and lost sight of what
it is about, the birth of Christ, as you stuck up Christians would have it, rather it is that you lot stole it from
us in the first place and imposed your miserable nonsense on it.
Aren't lying and theft supposed to be sins?
Why does it matter?
The irrationality of our justice system is shown again
in the debate about when someone is guilty of murder or manslaughter due to diminished responsibility.
Who cares?
A rational system should focus only on the threat to society, whether bad or sad, if you are a danger you get locked up
and remain there until you are not.
All that argument in court involving expensive lawyers over mental state is a waste of public money. When you are asking
an unskilled jury to make the decision it becomes an unreliable decision and one that is not reversible without going
through the whole expensive rigmarole again in an appeal.
That does not mean to say that mental state should not be impartially assessed by experts after conviction and without the
involvement of amateurs and barristers with a vested interest in misrepresenting the facts. If someone can be cured or
rehabilitated as a better alternative to remaining in jail, fine.
The courtroom is just the wrong place to make that decision.
Thank god, an atheist
The new Lib Dem leader got off to a good start with us as bloggoth by
announcing he was an atheist. Excellent! We are not among those who blame religion for wars or other problems
that are simply human nature but it is manifestly true that religion does nothing positive for human society and never has.
Religious arguments are a pointless distraction from the rational ones we need to shape our laws.
Christians and Muslims love to bang on about how more adherence to their religions would cure society's ills but there is
actually not a shred of evidence for that. Some much more religious societies than ours are far more lawless and corrupt.
We have shown the figures before.
Religion is as likely to be a cause of violence as a cure, and it not just Islam doing it, see the attacks on homosexuals
in the Carribean, or conflicts between Hindus and Sikhs in India for example.
Not a huge percentage of very religious sorts round here but it is both a tolerant and pretty law abiding community.
Teaching children a sense of responsibility to society does not need religious justification,
it is a matter of practicality.
Pity about all the rest of the leftist guff that whatsisname is coming out with, like ending
child poverty etc. Or maybe not, perhaps we should
hear more details of what he has in mind. if he has the sense to be an atheist maybe he also has the sense to agree with
we at bloggoths' views on how to end child poverty.
Grind all the ghastly little sink estate bastards up to make
soap and dog food! Common children always grow up into criminals and they are ugly to boot.
Unbelievable
Everybody knows that when {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} talks of promoting Britishness he is merely being a
{Lying Scottish C*}. All his talk of tough action on immigration or putting British workers first or listening to people
is window dressing, that was surely proved last week when he gave away more control of UK policy by signing the revamped
EU constitution.
But what a curious state we have reached when simply saying "British jobs for British workers" is
reviled by senior politicians.
Why should they not be? who has paid the taxes? whose forebears built and defended the country?
When did the necessary and natural concept of nationality get so degraded?
Welcome home, now bugger off
As we have said on several occasions and would link to if we could be arsed to find the references, we at bloggoth
found the concept of Guantanamo appalling. The state should never have the power to arbitrarily hold people for
indeterminate periods without some form of independent review of their guilt and the risks they present.
Once you allow that as legal who is to say when and with whom the state will choose to exercise the law in future?
Islamic terrorists and other enemies may come and go, the real threat to our freedoms is always the state.
It always amazes us at bloggoth, when you consider the power the state has over every aspect of our lives and the
infinitesmal chance that any of us will directly be effected by a terrorist act, how few people seem able to keep these
threats in perspective. It should be a motto on every wall:- "Danger is not measured by malice but by capability"
So, in the absence of a proper trial and conviction,
the release of 4 former British residents is the just thing but that does not mean that UK citizens should be put
at risk by the presence of suspect foreign citizens to whom we owe no duty.
It seems one is return home and one may be extradited to Spain. We trust the other two will be deported as soon as possible.
PS. It seems that one of them is Saddam Hussein going under the name of Jamil El-Banana.
We can never seem to get rid of that bloke.
Update Sodding BBC, they have changed the picture, the above link
now has Mr Al Banana looking like Santa Claus, with two layers of beard and a bookshelf on his right shoulder.
It is only the
earlier pages that now have Mr Ali Banana Ba looking like Saddam Hussein.
How can anyone who looks like that NOT be a nutty Islamic terrorist? Or a meths drinking tramp. Come to think of it, Santa Claus
looks like a meths drinking terrorist tramp. Does he have a visa to enter the UK from Lapland? We suspect not. How do we know
his sleigh is not full of drugs and guns and exploited ladies destined for a life of prostitution?
Coincidence?
There is another report of a data loss by our
stinking incompetent state. On top of recent losses of drivers' details in NI, the child benefit data and details
received from a pension fund. Why should all these things be happening now? some may ask. Bad luck? Have these govt. agencies got
even more incompetent?
Don't be stupid! Since the first major data loss was reported the others have been picked up because the press are looking
for such instances. This is just normal, just the same way as not a single government IT project working out is normal and
hiding political donations is normal. The f* government have been losing your personal details left, right and centre like
this for decades!!!
You wait. If we get a case of a senior cabinet minister caught strangling little boys and eating the corpses with brown
sauce the press will start digging and we will soon find out that that is normal too. You heard it here first.
Update: There you are, what did I tell you? No, not the strangled boys (yet) but, another day,
another data loss.
HMRC loses data from another pension company.
Pingu takes revenge for the UK
Now that we at bloggoth are retired and have more time to think about things, we have naturally been seriously pondering
our good fortune in being born in one of the more affluent countries of the world and considering ways in which we can
contribute to the welfare of those less fortunate than ourselves.
Like lying around in our underpants on the sofa watching Pingu! After all, what did those useless losers ever
do for us except push our taxes up? That was money we could have spent on worthwhile stuff like vodka and prostitutes.
We at bloggoth really like Pingu we do.
We had considered doing a thing this week on the betrayal of our nation
(yet another) by {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} but what could we at bloggoth, with our zero readership, contribute
that has not been done a thousand times? The Devil's Kitchen
does these things much better.
So we decided to do a silly and completely pointless animation of Pingu
norking out Brownstuff's good eye instead.
According to this Pingu page he is
actually saying mawk! mawk! but we much prefer norks.
Next week. Alvin And The Chipmunks remove George Bush's colon without anaesthetic.
PS Yes, we know that Pingu is not even British (Swiss in fact). This item just goes to show that we at bloggoth are not
at all the xenophobes some make us out to be. There are a couple of other things from horrible foreign places we like too.
That Dracula was good. And Godzilla.
How much more of OUR money for no return?
There is to be another £2.8bn
"to help lay the foundations for a viable Palestinian state".
What does that weasily little phrase mean?
If it was money pledged for a Palestinian state that recognised Israel, that was wholly committed to peaceful coexistence
and prepared to act decisively against terrorist groups, whose primary aim was to build a state determined to stand
on its own two feet, then it would be a very small cost. Regardless of one's views of the rights and wrongs of the
current situation it would certainly be a huge benefit to the rest of the world to remove this major rallying point
for extremists, an effective move in "the war against terror" that would cost a fraction of the disastrous
and counter productive actions in Iraq.
But of course that is not what it means. This is just more of our money to be poured in with no committment in return
and no hope of a meaningful outcome from the negotiations.
Like the billions the Palestinians have already received,
most of this money will probably just
disappear without trace.
The EU Court of Auditors has been petitioned repeatedly to increase total contributions to a total of one billion euros
($1.2 billion), but requests have been denied because investigators are unable to account for 90 percent of the funds
donated so far to the Palestinians.
What did this money acheive?
Is there any suggestion that it moderated Palestinian attitudes? We do not say necessarily that actions against Israel
should cease while major genuine grievances remain unresolved but there should at least be a preparedness to do so
in return for genuine progress towards an independent Palestinian state consisting of Gaza and the whole
of the West bank and so far we have not seen it.
Too many Palestinians contine to insist on the extinction of Israel and the subgugation of its people
inside another Middle East Islamic state, one that, given the hatreds of the past, the involvement of the likes of Hamas and the
increasing fundamentalism of Islam in the world, will probably be an extreme and intolerant one.
This new "peace process" will fail for all sorts of reasons, the determination of Israel to cling onto its West Bank
settlements, an idiotic (does the US have any other sort?) US foreign policy that allows them to do it and Palestinian
determination to continue a struggle that they are never going to win.
If the US wants to carry on pouring money into Israel that is entirely their business but we object to the UK/EU
pouring in taxpayers' money to prop up Palestine if there is no realistic chance of a solution.
"What about the humanitarian aspect?"
we hear the 0% of humanitarians among the non-existent readers of bloggoth cry. We became even less humanitarian after
watching the Channel 4 program last year and what young Palestinian children were being taught to believe.
Helping innocent little kids is one thing, raising future terrorists determined to carry on blowing up Israeli
civilians at our expense is another.
Leave us something to kill MR PIKEY SCUM with
It seems that sale of fake Samurai swords is to be banned.
We don't care about that too much, we at bloggoth possess a Samuarai sword, but it is the genuine article taken from
a stinky whale-murdering Japanese sort in the Burmese jungle. An uncle gave it to us for some unknown reason.
(we never thought he liked us) Our uncle was a real hero. On being threatened by the aforesaid slitty-eyed whale murdering bastard
(we think they were nasty to prisoners of war too but nobody's perfect) carrying the sword in the Burmese jungle my uncle shot
him. Hooray! A few more whales saved.
We also have a swordstick that we brought a few decades back in Brighton when the purchase of lethal weapons for the
slaughter of one's fellow man was rightly quite legal. And an air rifle. And an air pistol. And a big metal baseball bat.
We are no longer permitted to sell our swordstick. How much longer before possession of a few decent lethal weapons is illegal?
We would like an automatic rifle too. True, it would be most unwise for the government to greatly liberalise gun ownership given
the record in the US of use by nutters, but surely ownership by a few responsible types like we at bloggoth should be ok?
We would hardly kill anyone apart from MR & MRs PIKEY SCUM. And politicians.
Innovations
One of the main missions in our life for we at bloggoth, as it should be for all married men, is to annoy the wife.
We consider we are now experts in this essential task, not only have we honed to perfection the traditional favourites
like farting in bed and whistling or humming tunelessly but we have introduced several novel innovations in this vital field
of endevour. These include crunching carrots while she is watching some ghastly historic novelly thing on TV, doing
PJ Proby impressions in the car, proclaiming loudly "I didn't get where I am today" at random intervals both day and night
and sniffing her head all over whenever she plays computer games.
Today we discovered a new strategy, singing selected hits by the Bachelors over and over again. All together now,
"I wonder why you keep me wai-ai-aiting Charmai-aine (my Charmaine) ..."
FECKING religion - BOG OFF!
We at bloggoth wandered up to the advent occasion tonight, somebody has organised a little get together outside
somebody's house in the road for every night until Christmas. We actually managed to get the missus to go along this time.
It has not been surprising how few people we at bloggoth actually knew as we are miserable anti-social old gits, but
how few we even recognised. This is modern life, for much of the last fifteen years we have only spent weekends at home,
being off in various dismal bits of the UK on contracts. Even for non contractors the opportunities to meet local people is
limited, one told me tonight how they have been in the village for over two years and scarcely knew anyone locally. After
a day at work and a long tedious commute, many are too knackered to really make the effort to try and intgerate into the
local community.
Our neighbour (the nice one that is) has taken load of pictures and we discussed the idea of
a village website where people could post about local events rather than sticking bits of paper on plastic bags and pinning
them on lampposts as is the norm and on getting home we had a look at the www.[xoggoth's village].org URL. It has only been
taken by the local Evangelical loony church! BASTARDS! A village name is not just about their superstition.
Why don't they register for a more suitable domain name like www.[xoggoth's village].feckingsuperstitiousirrationaltwats.org?
FECK OFF! We hate religion.
Minor web oddities
According to this this blog is responsible
for 0.14% of referrals to Devils Kitchen, ahead of better known blogs such as Mr Eugenides and twice as many as Burning Your Money
but we suppose that could be because their links are split over lots of smaller pages.
What we really want to know is, having looked in here why would anyone ever go anywhere else?
This seemed really odd. A number of rather anti-Islamic websites have ads aimed at Muslims including one for a Muslim
dating agency singleMuslim.com. Bizarrely it (sometimes) even appears on this page of
those cartoons.
It seems that with google ads, one places an advert and the google searchy thing
automatically sticks them on relevant websites that have signed up to receive them. “AdSense for content automatically crawls
the content of your pages and delivers ads (you can choose both text or image ads) that are relevant to your audience and your
site content” Hence it seems you get Islamic dating agencies on anti-Islamic sites based on a dim word search algorithm.
We will never sign up for google ads - we might get adverts for products we hate, like slug pellets or pest control services that
advocate killing of NICE little rats, wasps etc. Sane people know that wasps should be given names beginning with w and fed
jam.
Idiotic
Children born from donor sperm or eggs could be branded with symbol on birth certificate.
The amendment to the human tissue Bill - signed by fertility expert Baroness Warnock - will be debated in the House of Lords today.
She told the Standard: "We need to make it more difficult for parents to deceive their children. It is awful that children can live completely unaware of the truth."
Why? If the children never find out in what sense is it awful? What one expects from daft peers. Didn't she write the Warnock
report? and wasn't it utter crap? I am sure I vaguely remember somebody in education telling me once it was crap. Vague recollections
we have of things somebody might have said once, assuming they suit our argument, are FACT on bloggoth. Whose blog is this anyway?
Birth certificates can get lost in any case, if children are to know their origins then why don't we go the whole hog and use
genetic engineering to implant some genetic code into the egg or sperm to mark the children themselves? Perhaps a birthmark
in the form of suitable wording?
We at bloggoth are very annoyed at the waste of the huge potential of fertility treatments, hybrid embryos and genetic
engineering due to idiotic ethical/religious (aka barking) concerns.
What is the point of being able to meddle with the very fabric of life if you can't have a bit of fun with it?
We have suggested before:-
To which we will now add - advertising! Not everyone can get fertility treatment on the NHS, there are strict guidelines
and it is another area for those "postcode lotteries"
Why don't big companies sponsor free or reduced rate private fertility
treatment in return for adverts genetically encoded into the embryos? The children will provide billboards for life so this
should be a very good deal!
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Especially for Mr C. Your comment about Basil Brush had better be absolutely darn hilarious after I have spent hours and hours
and hours building a new commenty thing.
PS I never used to like Basil Brush either but think he has grown in stature in recent years. A future director general
of the BBC in my view.
Beaten to another great business idea
We at bloggoth would never post our likeness on Facebook as we would be pestered by creatures of every age, sex, species and
space-time continuum fighting to mate with us. However, we did sign up the other day just to see what an ugly lot those people at
CUK are.
Not very fascinating in my view but then we had a great idea. What about a similar site where people could post pictures of their
arses? Damn it's gone. Somebody has taken www.titsbook.com
too and www.c..., well, you get the picture. What sad people.
Bastards! We thought of it first.
Copyright xoggoth
