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The ramblings of an old git
bloggoth Mission Statement:
We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower
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Aliens, mass hysteria or hoax?
A lot of reports of UFOs recently. Like this one.
We at bloggoth sneer at such things. Sneer, sneer, sneer we go.
Except we saw a darn odd white light a couple of weeks ago.
We are on the flight path for Gatwick so we see lights in the sky all the time but they usually move quickly.
Could have been a police helicopter we suppose but we could not hear any sound and surely there won't be hang gliders or
hot air balloons around at nearly 1am?
Or just a hoax? Someone stuck a light on a large party balloon?
We would like to say it was abnormally bright, seemed to be rotating and that it gave off huge sparks before shooting off at enormous
speed but it was just a point of light that seemed stationary for a while and then drifted off very slowly.
Like a party balloon with a light on it.
Shame if so. We at bloggoth were rather looking forward to being abducted.
PS We would like to point out that
this chap was not us.
Sex with an octopus? Not likely, too expensive. If you are into sex with molluscs, which of course we are,
why pay for these high class tarts when there are plenty of cheap slugs in the garden who will give you
a good time in return for a Dahlia?
PC Crap
Time for a rant!
Says Zebedee
We all know what most staged pictures and adverts look like in inclusive Britain.
If there are three people, often just one will be white. If it's a government publication there may not be a white person at all.
The exception is when there is blame to be shared and then we get pictures more representative of the population like this
one although we all know the reality of the most serious youth crime in England involving guns and knives.
According to some, even that one quarter is all our fault, it's due to exclusion or racism. Odd how exactly the same problems of
drugs, gang culture, youths obsessed with respect and absentee fathers are found in violent and defective societies
like Jamaica, Somalia and the Congo.
We are not supposed to mention any of this of course, it's racist. But isn't blaming us whites for every cultural problem
imported from the third world because our governments cannot or will not properly vet migrants also a tad racist?
It is certainly bloody irritating!
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Told you
Clever little ants
Coven member vacancy
They Will Devour Us seems to have given up doing his zany cartoons involving stuffed Lovecraft monsters.
Great shame. Hope you are ok Mr HP.
Welcome back
One of the long list of grudges we have against the missus (headed by her lack of interest in bottom-related
activities) is her spending our hard earned savings on really boring things like new bathrooms and kitchens. A house does not need
decorating more than once in 20 years, it acquires character, and what is wrong with a 1970s-fashion brown bathroom suite? it is
very practical in that it does not show skidmarks and only really needs cleaning once every 6 months.
The very worst thing about all this refurbishment is the way it has driven out all the nice little things that used to lurk
in the corners. Today we are very pleased to report the fight back has begun; way up in the corner of the tedious white
and chrome bathroom that looks like an operating theatre, a little spider has returned.
Do your job little spider, if the bathroom does not look like Dracula's outside toilet again within three months we
at bloggoth will want to know why.
PS We at bloggoth are the perfect husband.
NICE little bird
That thing about birds abandoning nests or fledglings if you handle them is not always true. We had to handle this thrush
as it had fallen in the pond and we were sitting with it wondering what to do and hoping it would not crap on our clean tee shirt
when mum hears its cheeps and starts hopping round us. As soon as we put it down she started feeding it.
It can only have come from the big oak or sycamore at the end of the garden so no chance of putting it back. Little bird
is now esconced in our bloggoth-made nest on a pole over the middle of the horrible spiky bush where hopefully cats won't
get at it. When it starts cheeping again will she come back and feed it? Hope so, we will feel very guilty catching NICE little
worms.
Update: NICE little bird died. It appeared to have something wrong with its eye yesterday and looking at the little corpse today
it seems the eye was completely out. Did it hit its head on the edge of the pond or was a nasty sibling responsible?
We would say he'll be back but Mr Manky Blackbird Skull is adamant that one small dead bird on the editorial staff is enough.
Right on
Islamanazi, sorry, News Bleat, is having a
bit of a rant
about the case of former Army scientist Dr. Steven Hatfill.
Who? No, never heard of 'im either, but that is beside the point. You could always read the item and the contained links.
Naturally, being lazy old bastards, we at bloggoth have barely skimmed through. The details of the case
are not of major significance, what we are really reminded of by Mr Sheep's item is the differing attitudes to government here
and in the US.
Sure, all us bloggers loath government but we are thinking about the wider treatment of government, in films
and books for example.
How may US made films have you seen that cast the US government as the enemy, willing to frame any US
citizen, engage in any deceit or deception, even brainwash its own soldiers.
Argue with any US gun law enthusiasts and they will soon tell you that gun ownership is their gaurantee of freedom
against a dictatorship. That sounds somewhat unrealistic to us (automatic rifles against the might of the US army?) but we
like the sentiment.
Compare that with the UK, how many films or
TV plots have the same negative view of government? Our governments are depicted as beurocratic, bumbling and
incompetent but almost never as malignant. Politicians may be portrayed as vain and self-seeking but almost never as single minded
and ruthless. Although we rail against the incompetence and petty greed of our leaders most of us are convinced that they
have our interests at heart.
What damn fools we are on this side of the Atlantic.
Right on 2
Pondering this further while out for our run. Why do we in Europe have this misplaced trust in politicians and political
leaders? We are primates and primate males go for dominance. If that sounds a little vague for you, if you have the quaint idea
that man can rise above his instincts, consider these points.
Was there something uniquely awful about people of some nations that explains Mugabe, Amin, Bocassa, Duvalier, Castro,
Peron, Causescu, Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, Franco etc.? You only need to go back a few centuries and we had despots
in the UK too.
Is it likely that human nature has evolved in such a short period or is it just that European societies has managed to evolve certain
safeguards by spreading power so it is more difficult for any one man to take it all? Is it really our formal institutions,
that protect us? Zimbabwe has all the trappings of democracy too. Or is it that divided power acts like the barons
of medieval times to prevent absolute monarchy? Looking at this and
the never ending self interest of our own MPS it certainly seems as if we are in the grip of the robber barons.
Want to bet that there is not one of these awful people who, faced with a chance of absolute power would not take it?
Even if they cannot do that, do you seriously think there is not one of them who will not manipulate their powers to
serve their own interests?
We repeat. What damn fools we are on this side of the Atlantic.
Yawn, I mean hooray, hooray, yippee!!!! (Orange)
As I am sure we have mentioned a few times the missus is sports mad, in a strictly armchair context. No chance
of going out tonight (Saturday) as she wants to watch the European cup final or whatever it's called.
We at bloggoth are really not that interested. Had England been there we might have summoned a spark of enthusiasm but Spain
or Germany, who cares? If pushed for a decision we would have supported Spain as Red is a nicer colour. We often choose things on
basis of colour, when we were choosing universities we never bothered with reputation, length of course or stuff like that,
all that mattered was the colour of the brochure. Bath was doing a really nice
orange brochure at the time so we chose that and have never had any regrets. We would probably have been happy with Swansea as well,
their brochure was purple.
Wandered downstairs for another vodka (parrot likes vodka) and just saw the end and the final ceremony and can report we
have suddenly found total enthusiasm for the Spanish team. Hooray! Spain! Yeeeh! Why? Because that fecking awful lefty socialist
Europhile undemocratic KANT Angela Merkel was there and her team lost.
Sorry Krauts, I have nothing against you really but your leader
is a
no, that's unfair to nice little cows, she's a
actually, that's unfair to whatever that is too, she's a
PS Apologies to nice little dogs everywhere. You did your best and do not deserve such a comparison.
Harman
Time for a rant!
Says Zebedee
Harriet Harmen's crap is typical of crap from this utterly
crap government. Here are a few extra craps - crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Please sprinkle liberally, if you run out
of craps just email us at bloggoth for a link to a page with nothing but the word crap on.
Discrimination is discrimination. If anyone is turned down for a job purely on basis of sex or colour there are already laws
that apply to that. You do not rectify that injustice by denying jobs to capable white blokes.
Mostly anyway, we take half a crap back.
As we at bloggoth have said before (but cannot be arsed to find when) there
may be very limited cause for occasional positive discrimination
on purely practical grounds. Someone from a minority may have the expertise to deal effectively with others of
the same minority and this is not really very different from selection on any other ground of expertise, if you need someone to
sell to builders it is no bad idea to choose someone who has been a builder and understands the realities of the trade.
Sufficient representation of minorities in the main
bodies of state like parliament, the police and the judiciary, may also be necessary to persuade some that they are a part our
society.
There must be caveats even for this limited list.
This cannot be positive discrimination without a view to the purpose of such actions, which is to
AVOID discrimination by appointing those with a vested interest in rooting it out. There is no purpose in having those who
simply promote their own predudices on behalf of their own kind and it is no favour to any minority to promote
those who are inadequate in the job.
The discrimination we are trying to prevent must also be unreasonable based solely on unjustified predudice to race/sex/sexuality/age/whatever, to largely harmless cultural practices or those which are a purely private matter.
Discrimination is justified in consideration of someone's ability and willingness to do the job they are paid to do.
If an employee refuses to do parts of his job on grounds of religion why should the employer be forced to suffer
the negative impact on his business and why should he appoint a woman to an important job if he expects she is likely
to want paid maternity leave a few weeks later?
The business of employers is business, not acting as arms of the social security system.
And then there's more legislation outlawing discrimination against the elderly. Why should an employer... oh hang on,
we at bloggoth are retired, we forgot. The legislation banning discrimination against the elderly is necessary and sound
although it does not go nearly far enough in our view.
More real uses of genetic engineering etc
We at bloggoth have frequently expressed enthusiasm in the past for tampering with nature using cloning,
genetic engineering, animal-human hybrids etc as it sound like great fun and has the beneficial side effect of outraging ridiculous
religious people.
On reflection we feel we have been far too conservative, equipping women with lots more bottoms, making chavvy young girls give
birth to endangered species, shrinking mankind to the size of ants so we use less natural resources and so on are all very well but
there is an enormous potential we have not touched upon.
Why do we continue to use birds and mammals for food when we know they can feel pain and distress? Why not genetically engineer
a huge fast growing creature that does not have a brain or nerves and cannot suffer? You could have varieties that tasted like
different meats, pork, chicken, etc. DNA from more primitive animals would ensure that every time you severed one of the many
boneless limbs another would quickly grow in its place. These creatures could be put on a slow-moving circular
conveyor belt with automated feeding and limb lopping.
Why stick with food? Recent research (which we cannot be arsed to look for) has shown the enormous potential of materials
similar to spider web or plant cellulose in construction, so why not have bushes that can produce various useful items
instead of fruit?
Free pine cone
We at bloggoth spend most of our time doing logos for our latest software program but we can't mention the company
as we do not want it associated with the frequently unsavoury bloggoth. It's pretty well a full time job
that so far brings in about £2k a year. A well, keeps the old brain active.
Wierd coincidences
Funny how this keeps happening, are we at bloggoth psychic? Sitting in garden talking to missus and conversation started on
Naomi Campbell and moved on to disgraced celebrities generally.
I said, "the'll be a Gary Glitter comeback next". Looked at papers on line,
blow me.
Strike busting ideas
Like all public sector unions Unison are crap. (Sorry Rosie)
They want an inflationary pay raise
that will have to be funded by the rest of us who have to live with commercial realities.
We in the private sector who have to live in the real world should seek to make their strike as innefective as possible. This
is always easier with public sector unions as most of the lazy buggers hardly ever turn up to work and
when they do they don't do a lot anyway.
Of course, we at bloggoth are never simply negative, we have some proper constructive suggestions as to how householders can
do without refuse collection for a long period. It is fairly easy, especially for fans of "Scrapheap Challenge", all you need to
do is construct your own trebuchet and fire your refuse into other
neighbours' gardens.
This works well with sewage of the number 2 variety too, so if you are on a water meter you can significantly
cut your bills by avoiding all that wasteful flushing.
Sort of obvious but we couldn't resist it
Professional athletes are
turning to the impotency drug Viagra to aid performance in explosive power events like sprinting.
PS. Yes it's a crap cartoon but we couldn't be arsed to waste time on it.
Travellers
Travellers aren't all as bad as they are painted. About two few years back I was annoyed to find I could not park in my
usual car park near the woods when I went for my run due to traveller's caravans. They stayed a couple of days and I
expected to find a mess left behind but everything was neat and tidy. In a nearby town a larger group moved on to the town car
park for a longer period, it looked well organised and I never heard they caused major mess or problems either.
I suspect travellers have their own
classes, with the more responsible keeping well clear of the trouble makers.
While these two groups were decent enough it does not alter the fact that us locals who paid for these car parks
out of our rates were denied use of them by those who had contributed nothing. When our council and state taxes are used to provide
facilities for others it is reasonable to expect that they will be targetted at those who need them, not given to individuals
or groups who select themselves by their lifestyle choice or their actions.
If a group are permitted to occupy
private or public land without having to adhere to any of the regulations that are imposed on the rest
of us, it is hardly surprising that that is resented, however well behaved they may be. If the only way they can be moved by law
is by obliging the locals to foot the bill for a local alternative
to the detriment of those living nearby, that resentment is bound to increase.
And that's if they are law abiding of course. As other news items, TV progs like Road Wars and experiences of acquaintances
indicate, a fair proportion of them are theiving scumbags. Not necessarily worse than others in the same low income group
perhaps but that is not much consolation to those who may suddenly find themselves in unsaleable houses
with these encampments next door to them.
It is idiotic to treat a voluntarily adopted lifestyle, mostly by white British and Irish as far as I can see, as a "race".
We at bloggoth could get in our old white van tomorrow, drive onto some farmer's field and start crapping in his hedge
and hey presto, we are a protected species. Anyone who is nasty to us could be prosecuted under race hate laws. Insane.
The special legal provisions for these people should be removed from law. That does not mean they cannot follow their
chosen lifestyle but simply that they have to buy campsites or plots themselves according to the market,
paying more in more expensive areas, conform to the same planning consents and pay council taxes just like the rest of us.
Any occupation of land without the consent
of the owner, public or private, should allow the latter to apply for immediate clearance by police and sue for any damage.
If travellers receive any benefits it will be on the same basis as anyone else, because they as individals need it, not because
they live in a caravan.
So what's the problem?
It seems that abortions are rising
steeply among teenage girls.
But hang on, number of pregnancies in the same age groups is falling. Those two statistics together, unless you are one of
these irrational "right to life" sorts who thinks some crappy little foetus with less brain power than a cockroach is a real person
or a religious nut who believes in a soul, seem to indicate that these young girls are at last acquiring some sense of responsibility.
Maybe that is not the reason but who cares? There are fewer fatherless bastards among the "deprived" to be raised at the expense
of the rest of us and provide more than their share of tomorrow's criminals.
Sod the reasons, sod morality, all that matters is the outcome. Verse 3:12, the holy book of
The Blessed Perry.
Drop in any time
Lots for we at bloggoth to rant about today, what with the self-styled lyrical terrorist
released from jail, (and now free to write more of the same
with complete impunity, will the same leeway apply to white atheist bloggers we wonder?)
some Muslim woman
awarded £4000 for not getting a hairdressing job and yet another poxy
Islamic terrorist being released to sponge off the state.
Still, ranting too much is bad for the old BP, so isn't it nice when even ranty news has funny bits?
Abu Qatada, 47, was freed from Long Lartin Prison, in Worcestershire, on Tuesday after winning his fight against deportation to Jordan.
The Palestinian-Jordanian preacher will be subjected to a 22-hour home curfew and tight restrictions on his liberty.
...
Police have special permission to enter and search his home, while he is banned from having guests other than family
and solicitors without the home secretary's permission.
Among the people he is banned from meeting in London is al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden.
How stupid! Surely Mr Qatada should be entirely free to invite Bin-Laden and other senior Al-Quaida figures to a cocktail
party at his London flat any time he likes? then MI5 (or is it MI6? we at bloggoth can never remember which is which)
can pop out of the airing cupboard and arrest them all.
On second thoughts perhaps not, within six months Mr Bin Laden would doubtless be living in London
in a cosy council flat on £1000 per week benefits with £32,000 compensation for his hurt feelings because nasty racist
people didn't respect his beliefs.
PS Just in case you wondered like me, what happened to MI1 to MI4?
Islamic Monopoly
Being great believers in breaking down the barriers in our multi cultural society, we at bloggoth are working on
a variation of that popular western game Monopoly that will appeal to militant Muslims. Just collect enough explosive belts
and try to blow up London landmarks before your opponents. This game will have versions of all the great features of the infidel
equivalent, including:
PS Shortly to be revised to get out of 42 day detention with enormous daily compensation and etc
An interview with Osama Bin Laden
Yet another bloggoth scoop
Tonight we at bloggoth welcome Mr Osama Bin Laden, who has popped in tonight on his way round to Mr Qatada's place
for cocktails and a game of Islamic Monopoly.
I am very pleased to be here dead infidel bird. May the blessings of the prophet be upon you.
What the readers of bloggoth would like to know, Mr Bin Laden, is what will it take for you to.. er
For me to what?
I'm sorry, you seem to have changed since I first began talking to you, you were, hang on...
This sort of thing is to only to be expected of an unbeliever like
your xoggoth, he keeps trying to redraw a better cartoon of me and they are all crap, I mean haram.
I think the lazy old goat has given up altogether now. I don't feel too well!
Oh bollocks!
I'm afraid we have to end this interview due to unavoidable technical difficulties.
Thank you for coming in to speak to us tonight Mr Bin Laden.
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Wrong way round
Time for a rant!
Says Zebedee
The official inflation rate is 3.3% (ha, ha, ha, ha).
The rise means that the governor of the Bank of England must write to the chancellor to explain what it is doing to
control price rises. But hang on, most of the inflation is not down to anything in the UK economy but originates in
external factors like the price of oil, food and other imported raw materials so what can the BOE really do about it anyway?
Their only weapon,
higher interest rates, will simply depress the UK economy further while doing nothing to reduce inflation.
Where is much of the inflation and the depression in the economy coming from? Higher fuel costs. And what is 70%
of that down to? Fecking tax! Maybe the BOE should be writing to this feck awful government and asking what they intend
to do about this significant inflationary cause.
And maybe, since the extra tax is a windfall they never expected when they drafted the last budget, a few more people should
be asking just WHAT THE FUCK they are doing with all this extra money.
PS Yeh, yeh, cutting fuel tax environmentally unsound etc etc. As we have said on various occasions we at bloggoth
generally find the basic mechanisms of manmade global warming convincing, however:
- Unless there is a global conscensus that involves the Yanks, Chinese and Indians, any action by us in the UK is
entirely pointless at best as the effect will be insignificant.
- High fuel taxes in the UK and Europe may even make matters worse as our reducing competitiveness will hand more of our industries
to China, India and other third world countries whose primary goal is growth and which are less concerned
about productivity or the environment. This will probably mean production of the same goods in a less fuel efficient
manner followed by extra fuel-consuming transport.
- It is not actually necessary to reduce fuel taxes directly. If the haulage industry gets compensating cuts in
corporation tax it will maintain their competitiveness while still giving them the incentive to reduce fuel costs.
PPS Maybe, given the huge costs of transport, it is time to rethink some of the idiocies of the global market and to
start looking at the economics of bringing some of our manufacturing back home to Europe.
Good old Irish
We at bloggoth have just come back from Belgium and only saw a bit of the breaking news on BBC World news. A couple of
ordinary people interviewed as to why they voted no said they just didn't understand what it was about. I doubt
theirs was an isolated view.
Was there a better reason for voting no? Not in our view. Some may feel the comments shows voter ignorance but the
fact is that even those who have read the treaty and are qualified to understand it do not agree on the implication of many passages.
Why is this so? They would have been discussed at all levels.
Was it really so difficult for those who drafted it to clarify the meaning of its clauses when asked and to
phrase them more clearly and precisely both in the treaty itself and later on in the referendum information?
If governments put out documents that are vague and capable of various interpretations you can be sure there
is only one reason. They want the freedom to interpret them in any way that suits them in the future.
and
Why don't they put a picture of the (younger) queens's arse on the back of stamps? It would be more
fun licking them then.
I hate it when people send hand-written invites with addresses and no phone number or email. It looks too formal to send
a printed acceptance and surely they do not imagine that we at bloggoth still remember how to do handwriting?
When I look in the card shops how come there are congrats on your birthday, get well soon etc. etc. but
I can't find a simple "Fuck Off And Die" card? Gap in the market there.
The cancer of the state
Time for a rant!
Says Zebedee
Tax administration is not everyone's idea of exciting but we would recommend the non-existent readers of bloggoth
have a decko at
All Power Corrupts by prolific coven member #4,
HRMCIsShite. According to
Deloitte:
Where HMRC considers that there are significant risks of tax evasion, it will have a new power to make unannounced
visits to business premises without the need to obtain a search warrant from a Court beforehand.
Risks? Not evidence we note.
Want to bet it will only be used in cases where some serial or serious tax evader is concerned?
Or will they just be turning up when a plumber has a lower annual income than usual
or because the inspector is bored and fancies getting out of the office for a while?
This move is deliberately designed to ensure that the tax payer with no experience can be caught off guard
and questioned in the absence of an advisor so that some unguarded comment can be blown out of all proportion.
We have seen this
happen with MR PIKEY SCUM back in the days when we were acquainted. Apparently it went something like this.
- Pleasant tax inspector. Well that seems satisfactory MR PIKEY SCUM, as long as you have accounted for all those
sales of logs.
- Mr PS. Yes, they are all in the books.
- Pleasant tax inspector. Ok, so there's no sales not recorded here?
- Mr PS. No, they are all there.
- Pleasant tax inspector. Is it possible there are any you might have forgotten to account for?
- Mr PS. Well, it's possible I suppose but....
- Pleasant tax inspector, shedding human form and transforming into Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos who gnaws hungrily at the
centre of the universe. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED ha ha ha....
These further extensions of the powers of an already overpowerful HMRC are part of the drive by this government
to eradicate the protections the citizen should have against the state.
Do not be taken in by government claims about how the threat
of terrorism and fraud etc. justifies all their attempts to monitor and control our lives. If they were serious about these things they
would be taking more direct and more obviously targetted measures such as investigating Islamic groups and shutting them
down when necessary, deporting or imprisoning radicals and criminals and taking proper control of immigration
to prevent Islamic radicals or Eastern European criminals coming here in the first place.
Channel 4 and BBC reporters manage to get evidence on such groups without monitoring everyone's
emails or having a national DNA database.
Ah! but all these powers will be used only in extreme cases won't they?
Isn't that what we were told about anti-terrorist laws
that are now routinely used by councils
on matters as trivial as littering?
Let's face it, what are your chances of being blown up by a terrorist? Given the
collossal power it has over us, we are much better off with a few more terrorists, fraudsters and
tax evaders than with an overpowerful government.
Bah! we are hypocrites
All cats should be tied up in sacks and dumped in rivers we said a few items ago. So when a thin little cat
was limping confusedly round our garden what do we do? Give it a bit of Sunday lunch and some water and phone round
the neighbours. It turns out this cat is the equivalent of 136 years old, deaf as a post and has been missing for two
days after falling off a shed. It has now been restored to its owners.
Ah well, we still hate cats, it is just that we think the confused and elderly need a bit of help,
that will be us soon. The next cat we see, definitely sack time. Maybe.
Today little things are mostly annoying xoggoth by...
Rubbing it in how totally crap his cementing is by using his garden path as a dust bath.
PS Yes, we only have a really cheap crap camera.
In certain hope of the resurrection
We do hate it when NICE little birdies hit the window. This young sparrow must have died instantly, its neck was
completely broken. As usual we put it reverently in the sacred place reserved for little dead things behind the compost
heap. Needless to say....
I'll be back!
Good man
Decapitating Sarah Jessica Parker, even if only on a poster. I don't know why, there is just something so ANNOYING
about that great horsey face. What is it about Yanks that they like women with foot-wide mouths crammed with enormous teeth?
We would not be alone in that but it got us thinking that there are some other other things
that almost everyone else admires that we would be happy to vandalise if we had the chance.
- The Albert Hall. Quite stupendously ugly inside and out. It looks like a failed 1870s attempt at a nuclear reactor
and should be demolished immediately.
- Cats. Members of the cat family are the only exceptions to the general bloggoth rule that NICE little animals are
much better than people. From the domestic cat to the lion, they are uniformly dull and creepy and
should all be gathered up in millions of canvas sacks and hurled into rivers.
- The Peak district. What is wrong with these bloody Northerners that they think barren hills with a few ugly
pine forests is countryside?
- Almost any painting by Picasso. We like lots of modern art and it is specifically Picasso's stuff we hate.
It is discordant and hideous and makes us want to bash it with a big coke hammer.
- Almost anything by Sibelius for much the same reason. We are not entirely sure how it is possible to vandalise
music but we would have a darn good try.
Horrid thieving little oik
We rescued this mouse that had been raiding the bird seed in the shed and managed to trap itself at the bottom
of a nearly empty box.
Just as well we at bloggoth are nice to little animals and its only punishment has been name and shame on this blog.
If you see this mouse, please stare at it and make pointed remarks about how mice were better behaved in your day.
Free sex show
Hooray! hooray! Going to the nearby South Of England Show tomorrow. Lots of tractors and stuff.
Why would anyone
want to go to that? the non existent readers of bloggoth may ask. Well, there are also some interesting
things to buy there, last year we got a hand held fan with LEDs on the blades that one could program to spell out
FEEL MY KNOB or SUCK MY FLAPS.
Yes, we suppose you could program it for any short phrase apart from rude ones but we never tried and it stopped working
after a week.
As regulars among the non existent readers of bloggoth will know, it is mainly because
they have lots of livestock and we can wander about looking at all the pigs' arses. We at bloggoth
like looking at pigs' arses we do.
Only the lady pigs, mind, we don't want to give the impression we are perverts at all.
Things to come
AD 2015. It is year 4 of the enlightened rule of President bloggoth, supreme ruler.
Already Britain is a less crowded and pleasanter place due to the rapid eradication of all undesirable elements,
basically everyone who does not have at least a first in a science or engineering subject and is certified to be
an athiest.
Although a few who do not meet these criteria are permitted to remain where their skills are deemed to be
necessary. The list of those others permitted to live is contained in bloggoth royal decree number 408 posted at
suitable sites throughout the land.
Perceptions of age
Generally speaking we do not notice aging in those closest to us that we see every day. It is a different matter
when we see people after a serious lapse of time. Last week we met somebody we had not seen since about 1990.
Good grief, what
a change! He looked really ancient, almost completely bald, saggy fat face, paunch.
We at bloggoth were really thankful that we have hardly aged at all; apart from a very slight thinning of the hair and
the odd tiny wrinkle we look just like we did at 25, slim, athletic and incredibly handsome.
London councils in controversial money saving plan
Another bloggoth exclusive
In the wake of recent studies showing that similar treatment of household refuse is leading to a rise in flies and rats
there is outrage at the decision by several London councils that in future the bodies of murdered teenagers will only
be collected fortnightly.
In some particularly "deprived" areas of the capital it is believed
that the bodies of stabbed and shot teenagers will be several deep in places before the council lorries come round.
Your bloggoth reporter attempted to interview some typical London residents for their reaction to the
announcement but was only able to find one who could talk to him without a council provided interpreter being present.
"It's a disgrace" said Mrs Ohoro Zamdooba Bolinga-Sababbu.
Real Victorian gadgets
Went with missus to the "curious gadgets" exhibition at
Standen yesterday.
Bit of a disappointment as the Victorian/Edwardian gadgets were all little or rather mundane things, like a soup spoon
with a bar on it to prevent one's moustache getting soupy or a hand held device for peeling apples.
Maybe we had unrealistic expectations but we had in mind larger more impressive gadgets, a steam powered
Wallace and Grommet type machine for shearing 50 sheep at once perhaps. Never mind, we have made up some Victorian gadgets that
should have been on show.
A device attached to the servant's bell that allowed the master of the house to goose the serving wench without leaving his study.
PS Note the historically accurate sepia tones. We spare no effort at getting the detail right on bloggoth.
A device for protecting refined households by firing a shotgun at any criminals or suspicious characters who called.
This worked on the simple principle of blasting anyone who came to the tradesman's entrance because
back in the saner Victorian period they knew that criminals and common people were one and the same.
Even if a man was genuinely delivering bread he would almost certainly have stolen something or murdered somebody
sooner or later.
A device to administer a sound thrashing to up to 15 children at once while simultaneously showing them a series of
uplifting quotations from the bible. This would typically be used before each meal to ensure moral rectitude.
Since several of a man's 15 children would have sadly been carried off by diptheria or smallpox, this device came with
an optional extension. A man's duty to the souls of his little ones never ends. The bible quotations
were felt to be superfluous in this case as the little souls would have been receiving those in heaven while they were being
soundly thrashed by the Angel Gabriel.
xoggoth has demanded we apologise for the awful bad taste of that last one!
Political correctness gone mad! He would not let me do the one with the combine Fuzzy Wuzzy harvester at all!
The Pew Hat was a cumbersome device based on the mortar board that would be worn by prostitutes when fellating their rightous
clients who could thus pretend they were engaged in their devotions and not sinning at all.
The hat could hold up to two bibles or books of psalms etc.
Although not gadgets as such, there were several other methods used by upstanding Victorian men that enabled them to sin
while convincing themselves they were not.
A common one was to have a lifesize nude portrait of the wife painted which they could tape onto the front of any servants they were
rogering. A variation on this was a portrait of the wife's front bottom which they would position in order to convince themselves
they were in the missionary position while in fact engaged in those unnatural practices spoken of in the bible.
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If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Rant mode still on, says Zebedee
It's the government's fault stupid, no, it really is
When the missus retired from teaching last year she was glad to be out although until recent years she had loved the job.
She was sick of all the rigid bureaucracy. Yes, of course teachers should plan the next day's lessons but when you have decades
of experience you do not need to write down a detailed bloody log with bullet points about how each paragraph fulfills
which bit of the curriculum and you do not need to fill in a detailed safety plan just to take a few kids to a local park to
look for woodlice.
If you read PC Bloggs you will know that this same sort of ridiculous
culture of paperwork and targets and overspecification of duties applies to other areas of our public services too.
It is therefore no surprise to read that
the middle class are losing faith in the police due to neglect of serious crime.
Arresting or fining someone for a trifling offence - such as a child stealing a Mars bar -
is a good way of hitting the target and pleasing the Home Office.
Amazingly, the chocolate theft ranks as highly as catching a killer.
Miss Sergeant says performance-related bonuses of between £10,000 and £15,000 a year for police commanders depend partly on reaching such targets.
If that is really true, it is mind-boglingly stupid and what can one add? The basic problem is that government ministers,
many of whom have very little experience in any real world job (like {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} who had a whole 3 years experience
as a journalist between university and the commons) will insist on specifying in minute detail how experienced professionals should
do theirs. This is not entirely New Labour's invention, the rigid imposition of curricula in education began under that fat undemocratic
hush-puppied arsehole Ken Clarke but under this lot it has been taken to new heights of idiocy in all areas of public service.
The police should not be concentrating on trivial crimes to meet targets but neither should there be some dictat from above that
they should prioritise "serious crime" either. Verbal abuse or minor damage is not trivial if there is an epidemic of it in an area
or someone's life is being made a misery. The priorities should be left to the judgement of the police forces on the ground
who are equipped with the facts.
The government should provide the necessary training and a system for intelligent monitoring of performance and leave
the professionals to get on with their jobs.
Update
I posted above at about 11am and now at 1.30 PM the BBC has
the following news Don't we keep saying how influential
bloggoth is? Such common sense would never have occured to them if we had not pointed it out.
Absolutely
We have said the same thing ourselves but at last a few of more prominence, even
if only writers in The Daily Mail, are prepared to risk the accusations of racism and xenophobia from the barking left
and properly condemn the
appalling practices of some third world immigrants, practices which in white Brits would rightly be
condemned.
In recent times we have seen the McCanns slated for leaving their children alone for an hour to have a meal
a short distance away and the mother of a girl murdered in India similarly slated for leaving her for a few days on holiday
even though she was nearly 16. Prosecution was/is being considered in both cases.
Yet relatively well to do Africans, whose child was not in any
danger from malnutrition or conflict, can send her to stay thousands of miles away with somebody they scarcely
know and not a peep of criticism. It is all the fault of our society!
This is precisely the sort of inverted racism that is driving more and more to support the BNP because they know
that, as indigenous whites, they cannot expect fair treatment. We have nothing else to add to the article.
Time for a rant!
Says Zebedee
More bishopy bollox
Now the Bishop Of Rochester is blaming the
social problems of the UK on decline in Christianity. No matter how much
actual evidence there is that
there is not the slightest inverse correlation between religion and crime, people will insist on spouting this nonsense.
It may have escaped the Bishop's notice but radical Islam and the intolerance and violence that goes with it is on the rise
everywhere in the world, not just in the UK. One might have thought that in the UK, where we have been ultra tolerant and allowed
Islam its own mosques, schools and other organisations that Muslim youth could more easily have followed the righteous path
but it seems that the very isolation from our decadence has given us the worst fanatics in Europe.
Poor old "self-indulgence" is blamed again, at least he did not mention materialism (thank the atheist god). Again it seems
to have escaped his notice that it is not all those rich stockbrokers or us shallow materialist amoral middle classes with our four
by fours and our private schools and our gay wife-swapping parties who are actually causing the crimes. There is nothing whatever
wrong with pursuit of material comfort as such. Any ambition and purpose is a positive thing in mankind and it makes little
difference if the goal is eternal life or a mansion in Sussex. It was material ambition that drove the Renaissance and the growth
of the British empire, not religious belief, and while there is much about both one could object to,
"moral vacuum" was not something associated with either.
If there is a problem with material aspirations it is among those who lack the ability to acheive them legally.
Those are the ones most likely to turn to the direct solution of crime or to look for some other purpose in their lives.
Karl Marx said "Religion is the opium of the people". Religion was used for centuries as a tool to keep the masses content
while those in the higher orders of society creamed off all the creature comforts and this appears to be the sort of Britain
the Bishop is yearning for, let's start peddling delusions about the marvellous afterlife people can enjoy if they
meekly surrender to drudgery in this one. Not we at bloggoth of course, a damn good cull would be our remedy, but many
might think that trying to bring some decent jobs to those people would be a better solution.
Ah yes, and let's not forget to blame the gays. "The destruction of the family because of the alleged parity of different
forms of life together" I can find no statistics for the UK but if
this US survey is any indication the number of
children under 18 living in same sex households is under 3% of all cohabiting couples.
Of the many women left to bring up children on their own I doubt a huge
percentage are left because their husbands have gone off to live with a gay lover.
Now for the not politically correct corner. Apart from the odd low IQ teenager, radical Islam is not the domain of
the white indigenous British. While it is deemed polite to mutter about disaffected youths in general, it can hardly escape anyone's
notice that the worst youth violence in England that involves fatalities is largely perpetrated by immigrants and minorities.
If you open the door
to a violent and religiously backward third world without any proper checks on the quality of the entrants or any thought as to how
well they are equipped to succeed in the UK or fit into our society
it is hardly surprising that the problems of the third world come in through it.
Dr Nazir-Ali claims in the new article that Britain, previously a "rabble of mutually hostile tribes", would never have become a global empire without the arrival of Christianity.
Precisely Bishop, and if you turn it back into a "rabble of mutually hostile tribes" it will acheive nothing in the future.
Is there no end to the scumminess of these scummy scumbags?
Now the terrible taxpayer can see all the tax free expenses that MPs get that nobody else would get tax free in the
same circumstances or even at all in most cases, the bastards are pushing for a £23,000 tax free grant instead.
MPs are also preparing to reopen the battle over salaries, arguing that it is unfair that they are paid £10,000
less than head teachers and £40,000 less than equivalent roles in the private sector.
Why? Head teachers are often in charge of a large staff and manage a very sizeable budget and, while it is certainly harder than
it should be to remove a bad head, at least there are mechanisms to do so.
Those in the private sector are subject to market forces and mostly get salaries
that depend on their performance.
By contrast MPs can be as crap as they like and stay in for at least 5 years and in most cases longer as their constituents
have to think of wider party issues when voting.
While there are MPs with principle who do deserve their salary and more, there are also too many
poor ones who rarely turn up in the house except when the whips order them to, rarely get off their feet when they are
there except to ask questions planted by the government and never vote except as ordered by the whips. What they do vote on matters
less and less because they have given away too many powers to the EU without consulting the rest of us. As for their constituency
business, again there are some who earn their keep and
plenty that do very little.
Write to your MP at the House Of Commons, but be aware that most MPs simply pass on all constituents' correspondence to
the appropriate minister for their comments. It's possible that your MP just becomes a bureaucratic post office between
you and the government
PS I wonder if MPS get the same mileage allowance as us? According to
this one MP received £22,845 for driving 62,000 miles.
If he got 40p/m for 10,000 miles and 25p/m after that like the rest of us (and assuming the year means over the personal tax year)
how come the figure was not £17,000?. Even if that year mentioned straddled two personal tax years there is no way it can possibly
come to more than £18500.
That's terrible, how can people think it a joke? (snigger)
So what's the problem with offering a baby for sale
on eBay anyway? Squalling little bastards, chewing your stereo, puking on your new carpet, waking you up
every night. If eBay had been around when my kids were young I would certainly have flogged them off for £3.50!
Maybe this sums up the whole of humanity, forget things like political correctness, religion or socialism, these are but
subdivisions of the real divide, between those who take every damn thing so seriously and those who do not.
Ooooh yes, how terrible to joke about selling babies or about human tragedies. The problem we at bloggoth have with the
ostentatiously sensitive is that there appears to be not a shred of correlation between public display of self-righteous
concern and the reality of action on behalf of others.
Sensible comment
Look here, you lot, I told you before! We need some serious political comment on bloggoth. You all need to introduce a bit
more in depth and sensible comment on world issues. So GET ON WITH IT!
Well, personally I was very sympathetic to the Dalai Lama's comment that the UK was
not doing enough over Tibet.
Indeed! It is quite appalling that an ancient culture should be destroyed
in this way.
The Chinese attitude to us wildlife (living or dead) is just terrible! Always eating giant Pandas wherever they find them!
Killing tigers and grinding up their horns every time they get
a headache!
Tibetans on the other hand, never kill anything. It said so in that film "Something or other days in Tibet" when
they rescued all the nice little earthworms before building a monastery or school or something.
Yeh, Buddhists never eat anything, when they get hungry they
just meditate.
Oh FFS!
Ancient flashers
As if more proof was needed of the increasingly idiotic nature of our society, today news that a
museum has been obliged to
cover up naked mummies.
No expert but I seem to recall that nakedness was not an issue with the Ancient Egyptians anyway, the absurd
prudishness of our modern life originated with Judaism and has been perpetuated by "the people of the book".
If these ancient royal Egyptians had somehow been aware of their fate it is more likely that it would be being viewed
by HORRIBLE COMMON people that would bother them, not nakedness.
It might make a bit more sense if they took a bit more care as to how they arrange that cloth because it looks like
that mummy has got a stiffy!
Another odd fact
A simple task like tidying up the shed used to be a major problem for we at bloggoth due to a phobia about spiders.
We had to gingerly prod everything with a stick to make sure it did not have a spider in it before we could pick it up.
That problem faded some time ago and nowadays if
a huge hairy spider pops out we cry "Hello, NICE little spider!" and if necessary pick it up to move it out of harm's way.
At the same time the wife had a phobia about snakes and although she is not quite so bad as she was, actually being able
to look at them briefly on TV, she still has.
It seem that a fear of snakes is a unique phobia in that
it does not decline with age.
How odd.
Good grief
In recent free votes, our MPS have actually acted sanely and voted on the realities, freedoms and the needs of the populace.
- No lowering of abortion limit. This is in line with
national opinion polls despite the claims of
anti-abortionists to public support.
- There is a need for "supportive parents" (which we hope includes an assessment of financial support so single women are
not going to be dependent on the taxpayer) but not actually a father. Excellent, women are much better at parenting than
us blokes anyway and who would care for a child better than a couple of rug munchers?
- No restriction on hybrids. We keep seeing pseudo scientific claims by those with a religious agenda that research
using embryo stem cells is not effective anyway. Since most such research is carried out by commercial companies with an
eye on future profits they must see a potential and if the claim of ineffectiveness proves to be true such
research will soon be abandoned anyway.
We have commented before that many MPs, when they are not obliged to act as spokemen/women for their party, seem very
reasonable sorts. It makes you wonder what sense we could get from our parliament if we had a few more free votes.
PS So up yours religious bastards!!!!! You wonder why so many hate you? Maybe a few thousand years of you trying to impose
your irrational views on the rest has a little bit to do with it!! Do we atheists lobby for laws requiring Catholics to use
contraception or Muslims to eat pork? No we do not, so fek off and leave us alone!
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If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Bad influence
After reading another of Nurse Myra's little
items (what a disgusting woman! we utterly disapprove) we felt inspired to add another bit to our
cheap sex aids page.
Damn! Praying all night again! Where is our flail?
Oh no!!!
We at bloggoth are totally in favour of animal-human hybrids without any restrictions, we think having strange creatures
wandering about who were part human, part pig, part goat and part tarantula, for example, would be fantastic! We are totally against
lowering the abortion limit and actually think it should be raised to 60 years, allowing the great majority of lefties, horrible foreign
people, horrible common people etc. to be aborted without undue delay.
However, we found
some recent comments on the bill
by {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} deeply disturbing. Apart from the bit about "deep respect for those who do not agree
with some of the provisions in the Bill because of religious conviction” as we do not have any respect for their idiotic
superstitions at all, we found we actually agreed with him.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah no, not agreeing with {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff}!!!! It's no good! We cannot live with our shame.
BANG!
PS Hasn't Dawn Primarolo got an impressive moustache?
Odd facts
About woodlice
A pound of lead feels heavier than a pound of feathers.
Time for a rant, said Zebedee
NHS doctors
refuse to carry out late abortions on moral grounds.
Dr Argent said he hoped MPs would follow public opinion and back Tory Nadine Dorries's move to cut the limit to 20 weeks.
He said: "British abortion law is out of step with British medical practice, British public opinion and abortion law
in comparable European countries. It urgently needs to be brought back into line and reducing the upper limit to 20 weeks
seems a sensible place to start."
British medical practice? Well, we would be against forcing doctors or nurses to perform actions they morally disagreed with
(up to a point, they are paid to do a job)
but that is not the same as banning it. British public opinion? That should rightly be a factor in any issue
that directly affects the general public, it is not relevant to private decisions. Comparable European countries? Who cares?
This is the UK.
There is no soul. Until it can properly think and feel a foetus is no more a human than a big toe and until it is capable of
independent action (and by that we do not mean intensive care at £1000+ a day) its rights should not superceed those of others
it depends on. There is only one person who should decide when and if an abortion is appropriate, the woman concerned.
Everyone else should keep their superstitious religious moral noses out of it!
Not politically correct to mention it of course, but is
the rising percentage of non EU foreign doctors
from 23 in 2002, to 27 in 2006, anything to do with this?
Why
By Mr Manky Slowworm Corpse
Why do fannies smell like Fish? Inadequately washed willies smell like prawns too. So what is it about the human sex organs
and sea food? Is it some kind of throwback to our aquatic ancestral origins? And if that is true why don't they smell of soup
since we all emerged from the primeval soup? Tomato is nice.
This is a fascinating question requiring immediate research and we at bloggoth demand a huge grant from the EU to fund it.
Black sheep (who is sadly being worried by a brontosaurus at the moment) thinks Robins smell of cheese. This may well
be true although we at bloggoth would naturally be more interested in what pigs or baboons smell like. We demand another
EU grant to research this.
Mmmm! Important scientific research!
You haven't exactly raised the tone of this blog have you?
Up yours beaky! Pee, poo, belly, bum. snigger, snigger
We knew that already
Part of the truth is in the paper today,
Robins like cheese.
This is only a fragment of the greater truth that we at bloggoth have been acting on for years, EVERYTHING likes cheese,
birds like cheese, dogs like cheese, horses like cheese, sheep like cheese. I bet if the zoos would let me try, you would soon
find that monkeys like cheese, zebras like cheese, squids like cheese, sharks like cheese...
(long list of things that like cheese)
..like cheese.
Some have said that my habit of feeding cows, sheep and other ruminants with cheese would have upset their complex
digestive systems. We do not agree, rather their digestive systems would provide a perfect grass fondu set. In any case,
an agonising death is a small price to pay for the glory of eating cheese!!
A new bloggoth award
We at bloggoth are great fans of CEEFAX, we tend to flick through it while slurping our first cup of coffee of
the morning. This is usually about 10AM, ha! ha! we SNEER at all our non-existent readers who still
have to work for a living! TELEXTEXT is probably similar but we never look at that as ITV is rather COMMON.
The CEEFAX letters pages are mostly filled with Daily Mailish rantings of the middle class retired with nothing better
to do like we at bloggoth, hooray! hooray! Some are even more far gone into senile wierdness than we, we thought
this one was quite splendid:
The concept of space travel is crippled by time factors.
Going from planet A to planet B will get you there in a different century.
Introducing planets C and D will make matters worse.
We can't be getting any visitors.
NC, Kent
This chap is obviously another ex-engineer who has spent a working lifetime writing technical reports and
bullet-pointed sales presentations before retirement and the onset of dementia. Although we at bloggoth do our best
it may take a few years of degeneration before we can acheive that sort of quality. Until the great day comes when
we can award all our prizes to ourselves, as is only fitting, we are pleased to give the award to NC of Kent for:
The most succinct summary of something that was never worth saying in the first place.
PS Naturally we at bloggoth are far too mean to actually send out little prizes like Nurse Myra does, this
is purely a virtual award.
PPS The annual award ceremonies for all the other things we at bloggoth have announced awards for in the past
will be held if we can ever remember what they were.
Does Lewis Hamilton really exist?
While we occasionally do our patriotic duty by watching England fail dismally at the great international sporting
events we at bloggoth rarely watch sport on TV although with the missus being an avid armchair sports fan we cannot
avoid it altogether.
We caught a bit of a grand prix the other day (in Turkey?) and maybe there was a bit of a problem with the signal or it
was heat haze as although the picture was clear it did not look quite real. In fact it looked exactly like the adverts for
some of the computer racing games. Could it be that simulations are now good enough that the TV companies can avoid all the
vast expense of subsidising these events and instead are transmitting game simulations, with any slight unreality passed off
as atmospheric conditions?
No expert obviously (and naturally cannot be arsed to look it up) but since when was a grand prix held in Turkey?
Case proven.
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If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Take that PC bastards
By Mr Manky Slowworm Corpse
The police have been obliged to pay Channel 4
£100,000 damages and have had to withdraw their disgraceful (and plainly absurd for anyone who watched the program)
allegations that the comments of Muslim preachers had been edited to convey a wrong impression of extremism.
Anti racism should be about judging events totally impartial without any preconceptions based on race or origin.
Most of us do not manage it and we at bloggoth would not claim to do so but at least most of us who admit to predudice,
and this is what makes the UK a tolerant society compared to most, will at least concede that we should try to do so.
We should not demonise minorities but neither should we put them on pedestals as some do.
- We know damn well that if another wealthier country offered poor whites from our sink estates the chance of a new life with access
to superior benefits many would jump at the chance and a large proportion would not hesitate to tell a few lies to get them. Yet some
seem to think that almost all asylum seekers to the UK are genuine despite the judgement of those charged with making the
decision and despite the clear indications, such as the mysterious frequent loss of documents that might support a case,
that the claims are false.
- We know damn well that white British society has problems and that some of these have been inflicted on our European neighbours
and other countries. Funny how some, who we never hear denounce tales of our soccer hooligans, of drunken, badly behaved Brits in
the Med or predatory paedophile tourists in the far east, rush to pretend that the average citizen of violent, intolerant and lawless societies is likely to be an asset to the UK.
- We know damn well that some problems in the UK are predominantly problems of our minorities or foreign criminal gangs,
like gun and knife crime, election rigging, credit card fraud and terrorism. We do not say it is necessary to continually point
that out, after all, when some kiddy is abducted by a stranger and the almost inevitable middle aged white face appears on our
TVs, do we remark on his origin? Yet some insist on denying the clear evidence that exists.
Our authorities should act with knowledge and sensitivity and avoid exacerbating a situation with cackhanded actions
like the one at Forest Gate but they are charged with our safety and their actions should be based firmly on reality.
The extent of Islamic extremism is a reality shown by numerous investigations and by polls of Muslims themselves yet on this
subject the police chose to act, not in an anti racist way, but out of political correctness.
Political correctness is not anti-racism, it is inverted racism.
Look who's back
Just a few weeks ago we mourned him and now, thanks to him being only little, he has completed his training.
A warm welcome please from all our non-existent readers to the most recent addition to the bloggoth editorial staff,
Mr Manky Slowworm corpse!
Hello readers!
New series - survivalism British style
A reader's comment on News Bleat got we at bloggoth thinking about how we can respond
to some of the more apocolyptic events forecast in the papers in the last year,
Civil unrest in Europe
over massive migration from Africa due to water shortages for example.
Judging from Hollywood films (which is all the proof we at bloggoth need as our non-existent readers will know) the Yanks
are a very sane bunch of people in that they have a profound mistrust of government and officialdom. When Armaggedon comes
they will not all sit around waiting for the government to "do something", like us imbeciles in the UK, because
they know darn well that the government will act only in the interests of the government and its business sponsors. The
saner Yanks will become survivalists. They will hole up in remote areas, take to their bunkers full of
bully beef and bullets and shoot anyone who comes near.
It is is ok for Yanks, they have gun laws that allow them to have automatic rifles and a 7th of our population density.
In the overcrowded UK we have restrictive laws that do not allow us to shoot anyone, even scumbag neighbours.
Our little two up, two down semis with 30ft x 24ft gardens do not have space for a 20 room bunker with food and ammo for
ten years and we cannot protect them with a wide circle of trip wires and dynamite because we live
on a sprawling estate with 20,000 other houses just the same and the largest open space is Tesco's car park.
What can we do when the HORRIBLE FOREIGN hordes pour in and start stealing our cabbages?
We can develop our own compact form of survivalism, that's what!
Today we start a new educational series for Brits on how to survive the coming holocaust.
Survivalism British style - part 1, the bunker
An old washing machine makes a great little bunker for one. Make sure it is disconnected from mains and water supply
before entry. As it stands, it is a bit small for most adults and needs some modification. Remove the back, this is usually
simply secured by four self tappers, and then cut off the rear of the drum with a pair of stout metal cutters. Finally,
bend the sharp edges over with pliers and place in a corner. Now if any HORRIBLE FOREIGN people come to your house, you can
hide behind the machine and observe them in complete safety through the window, if necessary opening the door and ambushing them
as they pass. Your wife and children can be stowed safely in old spin driers.
A true Britain waits in ambush for a dirty thieving trespassing foreign sort bent on
stealing his cabbages.
Doom and gloom
Every generation has its insoluble problems which have usually been solved or, more likely, disappeared despite
the total failure's of man's solutions.
No point going over, or even linking to, the numerous problems facing us today as they
are extensively written about everywhere. Conflict between Islam and the West, high prices of oil, water, food and raw materials,
pollution, climate changes causing desertification in Africa and other problems. News Bleat
does these things much better than we at bloggoth can be arsed to do.
Will these problems also disappear? Perhaps the first may do; in our own history, the extreme intolerant form of Christianity that
promoted torture and burnings disappeared within a generation. The others? Well, maybe they will moderate in the short term,
the peaks in oil and food prices we see now are more to do with hoarding, speculation, profit and taxation than a genuine
shortfall in supply, but year on year, the underlying trend will see these problems increase. These problems will never disappear
like nazism or the communist threat but will loom larger for each generation that follows us. Why is there so little
concentration on the basic cause?
Too many people
Too many people
Too many people
Dilemna sorted
As our non-existent readers will know, it is essential that the coven at left consist of 13 members. Why? We do not know,
it just does. We do not know why we have to wear a set of motor brushes from a 1997 Zanussi 340 washing machine around our
neck or bow three times before entering the greenhouse either but we do. Do we question your beliefs?
So we had a big dilemna, who could we give the boot so that we could we promote Nurse Myra of Gimcrack Hospital?
Fortunately this has been solved by latest threads in the Devil's Kichen. That isn't libertarianism, it is intolerant
I'm-all-right-Jackism. To use his own favourite sort of phraseology the bloke is a complete cunt.
Hooray, the coven has a new member!!!
PS
A dilemna is a special sort of dilemma found only on bloggoth and is much more dilemmery than an ordinary dilemma.
Breaking news - Law Lords rule that it is legal to stuff children
A millionaire in Gloucestershire has succeeded in his legal claim that an obscure passage in the "Henfe Scergaut",
a book of laws dating from the time of King Dunstan, first king of England, allows him to have his children stuffed and that
this law has never been repealed.
Lord Justice Duncanon, speaking in the House Of Lords today, said that while this law was totally out
of step with modern enlightened attitudes, it was clear this was a legal right until such time as the law was repealed. A
government spokesman said they would be giving this issue their urgent attention although due to a full parliamentary agenda
including the "Increased Remuneration For MPs" Bill and the "Exemption of MPs From Onerous Laws That Apply To Everyone Else"
Bill he could not promise the law would be repealed in either this or the next session.
This verdict will be a boon to all us real men for whom children are a sad consequence of the selfish way our wives
and partners insist on boring front sex instead of the proper bottom sort. It is bad enough that boring front sex forces us to talk
to them (mostly we at bloggoth just say "pass the salt please" over and over again) without these revolting expensive offspring
popping out nine months later.
Us real men will now be able to decorate our homes with attractive exhibits like this one to show the world how virile
we are without spending a penny on expensive private schools etc.
Aaaah! Isn't he cute? Bagged that one in 2006 you know. A chip off the old block he would have been.
Dispelling some slanders against Islam
Regulars among the non-existent readers of bloggoth will know how much we admire Islam for its enlightened and tolerant
attitudes and its modern rational outlook. Such is our admiration that we are thinking of converting to it and we have been
looking into it more thoroughly.
Having taught ourselves Arabic from looking at "Mustafa Camel" in old copies of The Dandy, we have been examining the sacred
texts and have been alarmed to find that mistakes and revisions, some almost certainly by those infidel crusader Jewish pigs, have
subtly distorted the true teaching of the prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him). Here are some of the truths we have uncovered
so far.
The original designs for the Burqa somehow got turned upside down and back to front.
Contrary to accepted belief the whole of a pig is not unclean, just the mouth and trotters. It is perfectly halal,
indeed an act of piety, to shag a pig.
Needless to say we at bloggoth will be rushing to do our sacred duty on this one.
The stricter versions of Islam are frequently criticised for barbaric practices like stoning adulterers
and amputating hands of criminals. Our research has shown that true Islam never taught either, those were distortions
seeded by Islam's enemies among its more gullible followers to discredit the creed.
There was a deliberate confusion of the Arabic words, Lemene (harlot) with Lammane (chief or elder) and Herem (thief) with Herme
(servant).
What Islam really teaches is that we should stone politicians and cut bits off civil servants, which non-existent readers of
bloggoth will concur are most just and noble actions.
Another bloggoth exclusive - woman impregnated by mosquito
Scientists have established that a woman who claims she was impregnated after a mosquito visited her fanny during a
nude sunbathing session was telling the truth. "In layman's terms", a scientist told bloggoth, "It seems this mosquito had
been sucking on a neighbour's knob end just after he had indulged in a J Arthur and transferred the jiz to this lady
when it had a suck on her front bottom"
This is believed to be the first proven case of such an event, although it is feared that due to global warming and
the consequent increase in numbers of larger mosquitos and other parasitic species, instances like this could become
commonplace.
Men are being warned to check for mosquitos after oiling the pogo stick or they may find themselves
paying maintenance.
In other news today, a woman has taken Google to court alledging invasion of privacy when, due to an error
in the navigation software, people wishing to view an area of Doncaster were presented with a close up of her bumhole.
"We are very sorry this has happened" a Google spokesman told bloggoth, "our images are checked thoroughly before release
and we have no explanation of how this error slipped through the net"
Non existent readers of bloggoth will share our enthusiasm
for ladies' bumholes and we have great pleasure in presenting
a picture of this lady's here.
An interview with the PM
As regulars among the non-existent readers of bloggoth will know, we at bloggoth have channels to the very highest
levels of government and today we are pleased to welcome our very own Prime Minister, {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff},
for a searching interview by our political correspondent, Mr Manky Blackbird Skull.
Prime minister, in the wake of these disastrous local election results will you be re-examining your policies?
Yes indeed, I do acknowledge that mistakes have been made by myself and I will learn from them.
So we can expect to see changes of policy on issues like immigration, high taxes, the EU treaty, government waste,
government intrusion, detention laws and the welfare culture?
Not fecking likely, we will carry on doing whatever we like regardless of voter concerns on those issues BUT I am going
to stick my good eye in the other socket!
Good riddance to another lefty
So the Nasal Whining Lefty is out too! Fantastic. What? Congestion charge? High crime levels? Toadying to wannabee
lefty dictators and Islamic extremists? Possible corruption among some of his associates? Well, those things played a
minor part in our dislike of the Nasal Whining Lefty I suppose but can we have some grasp of the IMPORTANT issues please?
The bastard was nasty to pidgeons!
PS: bloggoth has learned that 23% of the vote for Richard Barnbrook was by people who thought BNP stood for
Be Nice to Pidgeons
Sad news
xoggoth is in mourning because Mr Slowworm has really kicked the bucket this time.
How can he have kicked the bucket? he never had any legs. (Or a bucket)
I'll be back!
Get a grip - news in brief
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| I look like Enoch Powell |
I used to look like Joseph Stalin |
But I do a jolly nice bathroom |
More sport - hurrah!
In tonight's big game some Real Madrid players were called things like Messy, Chavy and Nanny.
We at bloggoth know this, since, even though we are
not really interested in football, we cannot resist silly names. The rest of the team were immediately called Fanny
and Clumpy and Grumpy and Spanky and Farty and Scummy and Smelly and Poohy and Klumpy and Spunky and Hanky and
Manky and Wanky , all 19 of them. We then proceeded to ruin the missus's pleasure in watching the game by jumping up
and down and shouting "come on Chompy, pass it to Squirty, get rid of it!" We do like family bonding.
But according to
this team list
none of these players are in the team, not even Messy, Chavy and Nanny who really were.
So where did they come from? Are people allowed to just turn up on the day and play for Real Madrid? How strange.
We think Man U only had three players. Football is a mystery. And what happened to Wonky and Spunky? Brilliant in their day!.
I used to play tennis. So did I.
Murder by Ohm's law
Murderers come in all sorts. Serial killers are the most notorious and the ones who get remembered. They kill numerous victims,
one after the other, sometimes with significant gaps between each slaying. So why aren't suicide bombers, who kill numerous
people at at the same time, called parallel killers?
Darn
According to New Scientist
more brain power shortens life.
Darn it! With the largest brain in the universe, we at bloggoth surely cannot live much longer.
Oh phew! it has only been proved for fruitflies. Fruitflies that have spent generations being shaken to bits in a test-tube anyway.
More solutions to world problems
What a shame it is that we at bloggoth are the only human who see things clearly. Yet again, the only solution to
supposedly insurmountable world problems is to be found on these neglected pages.
We went down this evening to find the missus yet again watching feckin' snooker and ranted and railed at her until she gave
us the remote. Oh dear, bugger all else on anyway so we raped her nose* for her disrespec' and went back upstairs. In idly flipping
through we saw about a minute of a prog on Primordial Dwarves Sympathies,
it must be awful to have a kid with a handicap. Our sons ARE a handicap, but they haven't got one.
But hang on, in this particular case, is it really the kids with the problem or the rest of us? Are they really too small
or is it us who are too damn big? True, this particular genetic condition involves other health problems, but is there
a real problem with the small size itself?
We are in an vastly overcrowded world with inadequate water, food and raw materials.
Either we need a lot less people OR we all need to get a lot smaller. Think about it, if we were all the size of rats, most of the world's
shortages and problems would disappear. Even better, if we were the size of ants, our impact on the environment would be negligible
and we would not have to worry about shortages of anything until our population was millions of times what is is now.
This is what genetic scientists should be working on, reducing the size of mankind.
A man hunts some of the abundant wildlife
in the new dawn of mankind
*Stuck a tongue up her left nostril, she hates that!
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
More disgustingness
Another article in the cheap sex aids series. Get your rocks off for minimal outlay.
Eternity
Imagine if you will, dear non-existent readers of bloggoth, that it is many hundreds of billions of years
in the future.
Throughout the visible universe the stars have faded into barely discernable dots and smudges in the sky.
Our sun faded long ago, it is aeons since it collapsed in upon itself and then exploded, scattering
dim remnants of glowing gas throughout our solar system.
Of our Earth just a barren rock remains, lit by the still faintly glowing clouds of the dead sun. Of you, of mankind
and of all living creatures nothing visible remains.
Except
The Snooker World Championships are still going.
Copyright xoggoth
