Page 22

The ramblings of an old git

bloggoth Mission Statement:

We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower

Way out of welfare

What can we do about a welfare society which has some families where nobody has worked for three generations? The obvious answer is to make life on welfare much less attractive.

We propose attaching each of these people to a specially made robot that will hurl cobble stones at their head every 20 minutes. Because we believe in positive encouragement as well as mere punishment, each robot will contain the ghost of a famous and successful person to issue a stream of uplifting and inspirational remarks.

Votes for

I could very soon sort out those welfare scroungers I can tell you! Put me in charge and you would soon see a new Britain!

You could not do worse than this lot but unfortunately you would not be allowed to run for public office. Us little dead animals do not even have a vote!

Appalling! We must fight for universal suffrage for little dead animals! We have to do something that will draw the attention of the world to this injustice!

Rude

In honour of our newest link, Nurse Myra, we have added a new post to our cheap sex aids guide. This one is purely for the ladies, how to stimulate your clit for just a few pounds.

Would

say more but are sad. We think Mr Slowworm died. A few days ago he was back and had been lurking around in his slow little Slowworm way. Tonight he was curled up at the edge of the wood pile and not moving at all and very stiff.

Update: That stinking ginger cat was sniffing around Mr Sloworm's little final resting place so we chased the bastard thing off (we HATE cats, they are the only animals even more shitty than people) and picked up stiff little Mr Slowworm to bury him with all due respect behind the compost heap and he opened his little mouth and yawned! Twice! Hurrah!! Mr Sloworm is not dead, just still hibernating, so we have put him in a nice sheltered cat-proof place under the tarpaulin.

Yeeeh Mr Slowworm!! You are so NICE. As for the rest of you, we loath you all, what have you done for us recently?

Charity begins (and ends) at home (of bloggoth)

The RSPCA sent us a circular requesting donations. What a shame they had a kitten on the front! No chance we at bloggoth would be inclined to make any donation that might benefit STINKING CATS. And don't send us any requests for donations for STINKING PEOPLE either, we hate STINKING PEOPLE even more than we hate STINKING CATS. Actually, you have fat chance of getting we at bloggoth to donate to anything at all expect to we at bloggoth.

Charities please take note, unless you are RSFEWAb, The Royal Society For The Enrichment Of We At bloggoth, you may as well not waste the postage.

One down...

Even if she was a Labour MP and therefore a stinking lefty by definition, Gwyneth Dunwoody, who has just kicked the bucket, was the sort we should have more of.

Always an independent figure, Mrs Dunwoody was frequently a thorn in the Government's side.

In 2001 she survived an attempt by Labour whips to remove her from the transport select committee - which under her chairmanship often produced highly critical reports.

Shame about most of the rest of them.

More culture

We at bloggoth were searching Google for "xoggoth" yesterday (you mean you don't?) and found a very kind comment by an interesting Australian lady (I think). Of all the bollox on xoggoth.org, the only one that seems to get noticed is the cheap sex aids page. We feel inspired to add to it so watch this space.

Not only that but her blog also contained a link to photographs by Leonard Nimoy. We entirely agree with Leonard on the artistic and social importance of such pictures (waheeeee! naked fat ladies!), we need to realise that beauty and sexuality are "culture bound" and are not universal or fixed. (waheeeee! naked fat ladies!) We need to stimulate questions that lead to discussions about beauty, social acceptability and our culture. (waheeeee! naked fat ladies!)

We felt inspired to add a link. Possibly this will be followed by elevation to the coven and naturally we will have to boot someone off to stay with thirteen. News Bleat kindly supplied a pic of a protuberantly bottomed young lady very recently and is entirely safe but how many pics of naked fat ladies (waheee!!!) have we had recently from the rest of you???

PS we do apologise to our non-existent readers for the way bloggoth has become so highbrow and intellectual in recent weeks with all these articles on art.

Dolphins like to get drunk too

Naturally anyone being cruel to a nice little animal deserves to be hacked to pieces but we were not aware it was a crime to merely swim with a dolphin.

The two drunks said in their defence that the dolphin seemed to enjoy their company. According to that article a bit further down, if dolphins have a lot of contact with humans they are likely to hang around in shallow waters and are less likely to rejoin their group. Why would they do that unless they enjoy human company?

We at bloggoth have already acquitted these chaps. It is perfectly obvious from the overwhelming proof offered that dolphin society is extremely tedious with a lot of swimming about in boring family groups eating fish and protecting young dolphins from sharks and dull stuff like that. If a male dolphin wants to get away from all that and hang around with the lads, doing real mens' things like drinking vodka, telling rude jokes, eating chicken Vindaloo, farting and and going to strip clubs, who can blame him?

Well said that man

Like too many politicians now the {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} has experience of almost nothing outside university. Apart from 3 years as a journalist he has been a student, a rector and then a lecturer before becoming an MP. A reader's comment to an article on {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff}'s lavish use of taxpayer's money on spin doctors is very apt.

Mr Brown, you, a “man” of the so called “working man's” party, have held the purse strings for a decade while we import Labour despite the fact that 22% of your working age population are neither employed, working or in education. Meanwhile YOU have picked decent peoples' pockets through tax increases, fiscal drag and under reported inflation, you have taken money off the said people and GIVEN it to China and India – the very (rapidly growing) countries taking our jobs. You have destroyed the best private pension provisions in the world and saddled the taxpayer with another debt whilst chucking people who saved for their future onto the benefits scrap-heap. You have spent any growth on enlarging the useless state. You spend more money servicing national debt that you do on the defence budget despite your government scattering our boys all over the world in various wars that have nothing to do with us.

Maybe one day, you'll realise why people laugh at Student Union activists? You've spent your entire life being an angry student. There are two types of angry young men – one type who can play football, using that as a method to let off steam – the other who get angry over politics they don't understand then end up nailing themselves to the mast of hypocrisy, envy, self loathing and guilt – in other words - the left. Your government inherited the strongest economy of any forming British government for 100 years – what have you done with the money? Roads, railways, hospitals, education – all expensive failures. After a decade of inflicting irrevocable damage to this once wonderful country, if you had a modicum of decency or self-respect, you'd head off to the local woods armed with a pocket knife to do the decent thing.

Mr Brown – you are the worst kind of thief and a liar to-boot – enjoy your taxpayer-sponsored comfortable retirement. We'll be paying off your debts for generations.

“Great” Britain R.I.P.

Posted by Steve Lee, London on April 14, 2008 11:01 PM

Tuck in

The new panic is food shortages. Poor harvests, lack of investment, speculation and hoarding and the increasing production of bio-fuels is driving up the price of foodstuffs throughout the world. While increasing world population does not explain this sudden peak it is certainly the driving force behind a long term trend. The shortage of rice in Asia is just one aspect of the problem. Here in the UK food prices are rising at a worrying rate.

The Blessed Perry would have summarised the problem thus "Too many people, not enough food" How do you address both sides of this equation? The answer is so obvious, must we at bloggoth think of everything? Bring back cannibalism! We propose an immediate public campaign headed by Jamie Oliver and other popular but extremely irritating chefs like that awful sweary bloke and the fairy liquid black bloke who keeps saying "what are you like?" and the little scruffy one etc. etc., all of whose names we have mercifully forgotten, to repopularise "long pig".

To kick off the trend we at bloggoth have commissioned this short recipe book which is available from bloggoth at a mere £10 per copy.

Spiders and the ghosts of small children

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents" His blog is suffering a bit from the doldroms at mo, but at least one of the coven would recognise the quote.

Spiders are always associated with the supernatural and horror, what is a creepy Dracula's castle without lots of cobwebs? There appears to be another association.

There has been a sudden loss of little spiders in the bloggoth household. As regulars among our non-existent readers will know, we cherish nice little creatures way above horrible people and nobody is allowed to upset them. The missus is only permitted to remove those dusty cobwebs that have obviously been abandoned and any nice little spiders in the corners must be left undisturbed and permitted to make new ones. Where are they now? Odd they have all abandoned the house just at the time we are having some refurbishment work done although it isn't anywhere near most of them.

This has happened before although it wasn't spiders that time but the ghosts of non-existent children. We used to have an oddly noisy house full of strange cries from empty rooms and the sound of small feet walking about when there was nobody else in the house. I once sat on the stairs with one of my sons and we both heard a small child's voice babbling from the empty air right in front of us. Then we had some builders to put a new floor in and all the odd occurrences ceased.

PS. Athough the little spiders might have been driven off by the constant sound of Radio 2. Who could blame them? Oh for the good old days when the lower orders knew their place! They would give you their daughters to secure a job and then creep around touching their forelocks, performing their duties silently for an absolute pittance. When the job was finished they would retire to their hovels and die of starvation or bubonic plague as the good lord ordained.

Art hits rock bottom

We at bloggoth like larger ladies, is there any greater bliss that life can offer than a huge fat arse sat on one's face?

Still we did not fancy this one too much, even if she was worth £18 million. The photo of the model 12 years on shows a perfectly pleasant looking large lady. Why does Lucien Freud make all his models look so hideous? Even a couple of young boys look as though they have some terminal skin disease.

Now that technology has made purely figurative art rather pointless, I suppose that is the secret of a successful artist, you have to do something different that stands out. At least Freud, Hockney and Bacon combined distinctive style with ability, now, with Emin and co. the latter is not necessary at all.

It has got us thinking that perhaps our very limited artistic ability is not a drawback any longer, we just need to think of a new angle. We wonder if the Tate would consider a new exhibit, basically we at bloggoth just lie there and any large ladies among the visitors are allowed to come and sit on our face. We think that has major artistic meaning, it symbolises the way we allow our spirits to be slaves to our carnal selves and is deeply redolent of the spirit of our age or something.

You are so worthless and you know it

Sure there must be a link somewhere but we can't be arsed and in any case, what we think somebody told us or we read somewhere is all the facts that we at bloggoth need. It should be obvious that proof is the necessary resort of the fallible and we at bloggoth never are. When God said "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased" did he continue "...and here is his birth certificate to prove it" ?

Anyway we digress. (digression is a virtue) We saw this thing on Ceefax this morning that sites encouraging suicide are more prominent than those offering help and counsel. Not if our quick flip through Google (this is known as extensive research on bloggoth) is any guide, we could not find any sites encouraging suicide. Perhaps one has to look up one of those horrible common youthy things like Facebook or Bebo but we are not decending to that.

Still, if sites encouraging suicide are the in thing maybe we should consider it. On the downside, a successful suicide promotion site is not likely to get many repeat visits, bad news for the hits. On the plus side, just think of all the horrible people you might be instrumental in removing from the planet. Having an enormous sense of social responsibility, we think that we at bloggoth should play our small part.

So come on, HORRIBLE COMMON people, HORRIBLE FOREIGN people, migrants, civil servants, taxmen, politicians, foxhunters, toffee nosed gits, lefties, liberals, benefit sorts, religious bastards etc etc etc, grasp your razors firmly in your right hands, put the blade against the left hand side of your neck about 3" below the ear at an angle of 30' or less and with the handle end of the blade below the earlobe. Repeat after me:

I am worthless. My life has been a failure and is an empty sham. Nobody loves me or even really likes me, they just feel sorry for me and would all be much happier if I was gone.

Now draw the blade forward sharply, applying firm pressure. You know it makes sense.

Must not rant, must not rant, think of something else, ah, we know, TITS!

We at bloggoth like to top up our rantiness daily by checking The Daily Mail website for, eg, prominent terrorist supporters being allowed to stay in the UK, asylum seekers going for free NHS treatment with the legal bill charged to us, horrible chav families with 10 kids each sired by 47 different fathers, {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} giving away more money to the third world so he can make a splash on TV, etc etc

There is probably not a lot of point commenting on all that since one only has to read the public's comments in all the media, not just The Mail, Express and Sun, to know what most already think. The ones we need to influence are the stinking politicians but there is no chance of that as they have their own agendas and use taxpayer's money to insulate themselves from all the problems they cause.

Somali gangs? No problem in their grace and favour homes or tax-free second residences in posh neigbourhoods.

Foreign policies increasing Islamic terrorism? No problem, just assign yourselves more security men or frame some new laws governing Westminster only. It is only normal citizens who use tubes and buses.

Taxes going up to pay for ever increasing benefits to the useless and non-citizens? Just award yourself a 36% pay increase and some more tax free perks to compensate.

More restrictive and intrusive laws monitoring us and telling us how to live our lives? No problem, there are lots of sound reasons to exempt MPs and the Palace of Westminster.

Gaaaahh!!! MUST NOT RANT!, bad for blood pressure.

The downside of The Mail is their obsession with appearance of celebrities, Nigella Lawson's ugly veiny knees, Jeremy Clarkson's paunch, Silvestor Stallone's old looking hands. Wayward cleavages, cellulity thighs, "baby bumps", failures of bottox and plastic surgery, the list is endless.

So naturally we got to thinking about Jordan's tits. If you are going to put up with the discomfort of a couple of weights inserted into your chest why use a pointless blob of silicone plastic? why not have something that is useful instead? If she had empty rubber spheres she could have had a zip put in the side of each and used them to keep things in instead of carrying a handbag. When she and Peter whatsit were in the mood and he did not feel turned on by fondling a small sack of cosmetics and a box of tampax, no problem, just empty them out and fill with warm water or foam.

Similar principles could be applied to tummy tucks, why should Kangeroos have all the convenience?

DIY enthusiast and former fat bastard Ellwyn Lloyd heartily recommends the toolbelt insertion. "Cost hardly any more than a standard tummy tuck" he told bloggoth.

Want it have it!

When the kids were little and only just talking they were quite good at getting their message across. A favourite phrase was "want it, have it"

Well, we at bloggoth want this fabulous little gecko and we shall scream until we have it.

Commenty boxy thing

Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed. If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.

Oh my chest!

Even with the added effort from the Mankies we at bloggoth hardly qualify as very prolific bloggers, being outpaced by several of the coven. Maybe just as well:

The deaths of two bloggers were yesterday linked by the US media to an obsession with updating their websites.

Fatal heart attacks suffered by Russell Shaw, 60, and Marc Orchant, 50 - two prolific technology bloggers - as well as the case of another, Om Malik, 41, who survived a cardiac arrest in December, were cited by The New York Times.

Many obsessive bloggers complain of weight fluctuation, insomnia and exhaustion.

Two of the coven are pretty safe at any rate, eh Wolfie? Ms O?

PS Hang on though, 60? 50? 41? Death by blogging is an old fart's problem. Better ease up if you are 50, eh Mr C?

What, again?

The sad death of Charlton Heston, star of Ben Hur and other epics, has just been announced.

This is wierd, naturally we at bloggoth cannot be arsed to check out what the rest of the world is pleased to call facts over this issue or any other but it is our certain recollection that Charlton Heston died three years ago. And two years before that.

Another bloggoth exclusive

Bloggoth correspondents have learned that the government will shortly announce that there will be no Olympic torch at the 2012 Olympics in London due to concerns about global warming. Instead, the runners will carry a cigarette lighter that will be flicked on with due ceremony to light the Olympic Flame, a small decorative candle from Homebase. It is understood this move has the full backing of the Olympic committee.

"It is important that we get the message across to every world citizen that we must all do our part to avoid unnecessary burning of fossil fuels and reduce the amount of CO2 produced" said an anonymous source in the Sports Minister's office. Our astute reporter pointed out that the new low carbon footprint Olympic flame could easily blow out. "I daresay we will have to stick a jamjar over it or something" said the source.



	An athlete proundly carries the Olympic Cigarette Lighter during trials last week.		How the new style Olympic Flame will look. The jamjar has been removed to allow a clear shot.

Strains of office

After any PM has been in power for some time the papers will inevitably begin to comment how the strains of office have aged them. Ignoring public opinion, betraying the citizens, wasting money, snorting from the trough and lining up lucractive deals for the after life are enormously stressful apparently.

Regulars among the non-existent readers of bloggoth will know that {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} has an alter ego, who is in every way more real and vastly more useful than the real one. We thought we would look him up and see how he has fared since his elevation. We found him in the mud under the decking, say hello to our non-existent readers Gordon.



Oh dear, left was GB last year when he was still chancellor, now look at him, both eyes gone and several new cracks. May the real (but less useful) one fair no better.

More fuss over nowt

Much as we hate to admit it, there are times when we at bloggoth almost feel sorry for politicians, even stinking New Labour ones like Harriet Harman.

Anything they do or say is likely to be siezed on and treated as if it is some insult to this group or that group, even the slightest flip remark is taken seriously and sarcasm is taken literally. In this case her wearing of a stab proof vest has been seen as a suggestion that the streets of London are not safe.

She told the BBC that the neighbourhood police team she was with put on their stab vests and gave her one as well.

She said it was like wearing a white hairnet when visiting a meat factory.

For once we entirely believe a Labour minister simply because that is entirely believable. She would hardly have expected to get stabbed surrounded by cops. Oh well, they get paid enough to take some flack I suppose.

Come to think of it, they get paid more than enough to be stabbed!! Do your duty Peckham citizens! You (the few of you that do anything useful anyway) have paid through your taxes for the RIGHT to stab Harriet Harman.

PS Terrorism Act 2006. We at bloggoth would like to make it clear that that last comment encouraging violence against a member of the political establishment was written by Monty the Mouse Mummy who has recently fled to Ratistan. We have no knowledge of his current location and he is definitely not in an old biscuit tin in our shed.

Is this really just an aberration?

Probably a majority of people in the UK have real concerns about the enormous extent of immigration and the threat to our own way of life. In the face of the absolute refusal by the current government to address these reasonable concerns perhaps many begin to consider what they would previously have never considered, that the BNP is the only real solution despite the impractical or even idiotic nature of some of their policies.

Then you read about BNP supporters like this one. Ok, it is true that every party occasionally throws up such embarassments, only last week a Tory councillor jokingly suggested euthanasia as a means of cutting costs of caring for vulnerable children. The BNP are likely to disown him and nobody is seriously suggesting that these views are typical of BNP attitudes to rape.

Many BNP supporters are not extreme, they have lost patience with waiting for any sane strategy on immigration from the main parties, but you do not have to look too far to find some pretty awful attitudes among BNP supporters on the net including extreme anti-semitism and homophobia. These are people, often with a Christian agenda, who talk about Victorian values and rail against moral relativism, who think a woman's place is in the home and that there is nothing wrong with giving her a quick slap, who want reintroduction of capital punishment, imprisonment of gays and corporal punishment in schools. These are not believers in a democratic right of the nation's citizens to determine its own culture and direction but old style authoritarians and there would be no more freedom in a society shaped by these people than in one shaped by Islam. The only good thing you can say about them is that they act as a counter to the even more idiotic and considerably more violent left wing in this country.

The old dilemna in politics, you may find temporary allies on specific issues, but your ultimate goals have nothing in common.

Horrible

Two young girls have made a gruesome discovery in Arbroath.

Officers attended at a stretch of foreshore near to South Street shortly after 10.30am after the grim discovery was made by children playing on the beach.

They found what appears to be the head of a woman concealed in a plastic bag. A hand has also been recovered from the beach.

It is understood that they belong to a woman.

Have they found the arse yet? Quick, when's the next flight to Abroath?

Jesus Christ! I think bloggoth has really hit a new low with this one!

Yeh, I know, better not tell xoggoth!

It's ok, he's too plastered to notice as usual!

30 FUCKING POUNDS??????

The House of Lords report on immigration says pretty much what many of have been saying for years but obviously {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} rejects any notion of taking account of public opinion on this issue and introducing an annual cap. I suppose there is a certain amount of uncertainty on these things and perhaps some will genuinely believe that massive unskilled immigration is a benefit. But hold on, forget the Lord's conclusions for a moment, according to that article:-

The inquiry... ...concludes that there has been little or no positive impact on the living standards of the existing population as a result of recent mass immigration.

This is despite new official evidence published last night showing that every British citizen is £30 a year better off as a result of immigration.

Is this a misprint??? You mean that even in the dubious opinions of the immigration supporters, our culture and quality of life is being destroyed for the price of a Chinese take away for two???

PS: Zimbabwe being much on the news, we caught some TV shots in Harare the other day. Or was it something to do with the London Mayoral election? Pretty hard to tell these days.

xoggoth summons the editorial staff of bloggoth for a dressing down.

Eager anticipation

Idly flicking through channels last night, gosh the things they have on TV now, Channel 5 I think it was, lots of close ups of clitorises. Cos the missus was there I had to say "oh really, who wants to see THAT?" and switch over.

Still, we at bloggoth shall certainly be on the lookout in future for our favourite bit, an educational and informative program on ladies' bumholes can only be a matter of time.

Fitna the Movie: Geert Wilders' film about the Quran

Watch it while you can.

From Western Resistance.

its wot mad us grate

Much has been written in recent years about the inadequate equipment of the British army. This is one of several items easily found on the net:

British soldiers deployed to Iraq were not adequately equipped with suitable vehicles. "Snatch" Land Rovers were no match for the roadside bombs planted by insurgents around Basra. Neither the Land Rovers nor Warrior armoured vehicles were designed for desert conditions. Soldiers have had to mount patrols in searing temperatures in vehicles with makeshift added armour plates and electronic counter measures.

Troops have suffered from a shortage of helicopters in Afghanistan and have had long and demoralising delays because of ageing Tristar transport jets that have been grounded.

British soldiers had to cope with outdated and insecure radios that were only recently replaced by the modern Bowman system.

There was a recent item on News Bleat about the US military wrongly sending parts of a nuclear missile to Taiwan and this cockup was excused by saying that the parts were for an obsolete system in any case. It got us to wondering what sort of state Britains' ageing Trident nuclear deterrent might be in these days given that the service engineers have probably had to make do and mend on a completely inadequate budget for a few decades.

Bloggoth has a huge network of agents with access to the highest levels in the British military command and they have sent us this diagram based on the updated design specs of the Trident missile that demonstrates the wonderful British capacity for improvisation using limited resources.

PS: Apparently the original nuclear payloads all got sent to Iran by mistake.

Drink up, drink up, drink up, fade out

We are sorry Ms O, but bloggoth is about the 3 Rs, Rant, Rude and Rubbish. Were we happier there might be more Rude and Rubbish but for the moment Rant looms so much larger. Had we at bloggoth at the present time our fingers on the nuclear trigger almost none of you would exist any longer, if only we could find a nuclear device that would leave NICE little moths and things untouched.

We are sorry Blessed Perry, for we have failed you. After all, looked at dispassionately and over the long term, what does any of it really matter? Perhaps we should lock ourselves away and scourge our theoretically loathsome (but actually incredible sexy) bodies with some big scourgy thing until we see the light. In the meantime, aided by our only friends the Manky Skulls and the incarnation of Chris Rabbit, we shall scatter our rantiness in all directions so bollox to the lot of you.

Yet another piece of shite about our health. In this week's guidance, pregnant women are being advised not to drink at all in the first three months of pregnancy. Other recent advice has said a small amount of alcohol is ok. Yet another variation is do not drink at all.

What the fuck does it matter? Excessive alcohol is a feature of some other societies too, among the aboriginal people of Australia for example. Or the native Americans. What do these people have in common with the drunken native British?

Pregnant ladies, may we at bloggoth recommend our latest invention to you? Simply push the painless morphine soaked needle into your placenta and hook it up to any one of the several alcoholic options available, we can offer Vodka, Whisky, Gin, Rum and many others.

Give it a head start and get your foetus started on the drunken road to ruin early. Fraser Island and extinction here we come.

Here's to you Ira Hayes. Dreamtime beckons.

Voting with your conscience at others' expense

Religious MPs and their fecking consciences eh?

The Blessed Perry would never bother with religious conscience. So if there is a soul that does not even require a brain to exist, how is it than anyone can be reduced to a drooling cabbage by a quick blow on the head? If our true being lives on somewhere entirely independent of our brain generated thoughts then what the fek is the point of the brain in the first place? What sense is there in redemption if the physical self that interacts with the world and governs what we do is something entirely separate from our true being? Why blame our souls if our brains fuck up?

Bollocks to the lot of em. Celebrities who get cancer X always suddenly develop a huge interest in raising funds to research cancer X. Self interest is good.

Where is the sprayer?

Keep it quiet? exactly what we should not do

Returning to the Pope's rather public baptism of a former Muslim the article quotes suggestions by Muslim groups in Italy that a low key baptism at some local parish would have avoided giving offence and opening a new rift with Islam.

There is no point in causing unecessary offence but in this case it was very necessary. The pope owed it to the Muslims in the Western world who face abuse, violence and threats of death for apostacy. We may not be able to do anything about this barbarism in Islamic countries (including supposedly moderate ones like Malaysia) and it is doubtful if interence in other cultures is ever productive in the long run, but defence of the right of anyone to follow their own consciences in adopting any religion or none in Europe should be a firm commitment by our own authorities.

It will be no surprise to any that here in the UK, where our authorities are at their most supine, such threats are increasingly common:

Intimidation is very widespread and pretty effective," says Maryam Namazie, a spokesperson for the Council of Ex-Muslims of Britain. She believes that many of the deaths classified as "honour killings" are actually murders of people who have renounced Islam.

"I get threatened all the time: emails, letters, phone calls," she says. "When I returned home this afternoon, for example, there was a death threat waiting for me on my answering machine…" She laughs nervously.

"A lot of them aren't serious, but occasionally they are. I went to the police about one set of threats. They took a statement from me but that was it - they never contacted me again."

And as that article makes clear, we are not talking about a "handful of extremists", how many times does that have to be shown as a myth?

And yet a significant portion of British Muslims think that such behaviour is not merely right, but a religious obligation: a survey by the think-tank Policy Exchange, for instance, revealed that 36 per cent of young Muslims believe that those who leave Islam should be killed.

There is considerable support, from the Koran and other sacred Islamic texts, for that position - which may explain why, out of the 57 Islamic states in the world today, seven have a legal code that punishes Muslims who leave the religion with death.

Good for the pope, his public support of this man is an example of how our authorities should be supporting the right to free exercise of conscience in Europe.

Eh?

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams said something or other today. But I would not bother reading it if I were you, it is bound to be utter crap.

So which part of that is incorrect?

A Dutch website planning to show a film fiercely critical of Islam has been shut down.

The film is not so much about Muslims as about the Koran and Islam. The Islamic ideology has as its utmost goal the destruction of what is most dear to us, our freedom," he wrote in De Volkskrant.

Without seeing the film it is impossible to say for sure if that first sentence is true and that it does not indulge in unnecessary demonisation of more moderate Muslims but some of the arguments against it certainly look like the sort of leftist nonsense that has no connection to reality, that deliberately seeks to cast any reasonable objection to an objectionable political creed as racism against its main adherents.

We want to show that there's something other than Wilders,'' said Rene Danen, chairman of anti-racism group Nederland Bekent Kleur, or The Netherlands Shows Its Colors. `We think that the majority of Dutch people still want a colorful society.'

A colourful society?? Well, maybe they do, if colourful means what it suggests. I daresay most of us have no great problem with harmless customs like Jamaican carnivals, celebration of the Chinese new year or Dhuvali, Sikhs wearing turbans etc. but it is an utterly ridiculous misprepresentation to call some Islamic beliefs merely "colourful" when those beliefs derive from concepts totally inimical to those that underpin our own society. How can there be democracy in accordance with the wishes of the populace if laws are determined by interpretations of thousand year old texts by a self appointed religious elite? How can there possibly be equality for those of all faiths if laws must follow Islamic principles? How can there be freedom in a society that demands total submission to religious dictats?

When are people going to look around the world and see how Islamic societies operate in practice? When is anyone in authority in Europe ever going to wake up?

PS Dutch politician Geert Wilders has to have constant police protection like every other prominent critic of this "peaceful" religion. Today the pope risked more anger (read random attacks on Catholic nuns and other defenceless victims) by baptising a former Muslim who has been under police protection for five years after criticising suicide bombings. He is now doubless a greater target after the unforgiveable sin of apostacy. Call Islam violent and your life is at risk. You couldn't make it up.

PPS Islamists, please note that this tirade against Islam was written by MR PIKEY SCUM.

More of the accurate unbiased reporting for which we are famed

You would think the Blithering Drivelling (phony Tory leader) Camoron would have more sense than to cycle the wrong way down one way streets etc. He must realise the press are always on the look out for such things. Still, we don't hate him as much as we did and anything is better than the current PM.

We have accordingly sent the bloggoth reporters out to spy on {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} to see if they can redress the balance and they have just sent us genuine shots of him robbing graves while on a visit to his constituency of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath. What he does with the corpses our intrepid reporters could not discover although some weekly supermarket bills stolen from his dustbin did not contain any meat purchases.

It is only a few months since the PM embezzled £4bn of taxpayer's money intended to end child poverty and used it to buy hotels and sugar plantations in the Bahamas.

Breaking news! The bloggoth reporters have just uncovered secret documents that show {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} has signed an agreement with extraterrestrial aliens to take over the UK before the election in return for him being made puppet president for life.

Commenty boxy thing

Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed. If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.

Easter is the time for...

Being nasty to Christians...

Betting and religion

It may sound strange at our age (32) but we at bloggoth have never once been into a betting shop and would not have the slightest idea how to place a bet. We have very occasionally purchased a lottery ticket when forced into it (mutter, mutter, we HATE charity) but have no interest in gambling whatever. Still, if people want to bet on Good Friday, good luck to them, now they can.

The BBC had the Rev Ken Howcroft, a Methodist minister, talking about the issue on the news. What he said about the "vulnerable" did not make much sense in the context of one extra day but he did not want to enforce a ban by law and simply expressed his views about what he thought was the real meaning of Easter. We at bloggoth have no problem with religious sorts like that, they are at liberty to point out the errors of our ways and try and lead us into the light as long as they stop short of making a nuisance of themselves.

If only he was the norm. There is another comment in that article:

Mike Judge, from the Christian Institute, a lobby group, said: "To allow gambling and encourage avarice on Good Friday, when we are remembering the sacrifice Jesus made for the world, is particularly regrettable."

So because these Christians from a lobby group (read interfering bastards) are remembering the sacrifice Jesus made for the world (possibly, if he even existed and assuming he actually was the son of god and the whole redemption thing made any sense anyway) none of the rest of us should be allowed our own freedoms.

We wonder how long it will be before this tiny extra bit of freedom for the rest of us is twisted around to become......

altogether now!!!!

AN ATTACK ON CHRISTIAN VALUES!!!!

Hybrids and religion

Yet more interference by the religious, this time the leader of the Roman Catholic church in Scotland has attacked the government over the embryo bill which will potentially allow major advances in treatment of diseases like multiple sclerosis and Alzheimer's disease. Let us pass over the language, which is irrational in the context of tiny fragments of tissue and instead concentrate on his call for a free vote in parliament.

Given certain other measures to ensure that MPS properly represent the populace and consult their constituents, we at bloggoth are completely in favour of free votes in the commons on every issue but we do have a problem when those with no expressed interest in wider democracy call for them specifically to be applied to "issues of conscience" when that means issues that matter particularly to the religious, like genetic engineering, divorce, abortion or gay rights. Take a look at that lobby group's rating of Diane Abbott's voting record.

It is ok to completely ignore the wishes of the general public and decide laws on taxes, identity cards, immigration, criminal justice etc. by herding MPs through the lobbies like trained sheep but when it is something of special interest to the religious, we must suddenly discover a tiny gem of real democracy. When the sheep are ordered to troop through the wrong lobby at any rate, if a different government was pushing through a bill to halt such research against opposition by many MPs, would they be so keen on a free vote??

We wonder how long it will be before applying the same sad lack of democracy to religious issues as apply to all other issues is twisted around to become......

altogether now!!!!

AN ATTACK ON CHRISTIAN VALUES!!!!

Religion and religion

Notice also on that website how they oppose the religious and homosexual hate laws and why they do so, but are in favour of keeping the blasphemy laws. In other words free speech applies to attacks on Muslims or gays but not to others making comment on their own beliefs.

We agree that these laws should be carefully worded to allow free speech, they should only be used when a verbal attack incites violence or discrimination or is directed at individuals and is of an extreme or persistent nature that would cause distress. If a Christian thinks homosexuality is a sin, why should he not be able to say so?

Equally, if the rest of us think any Christian beliefs are a pile of old bollox we should be free to say so too.

We wonder how long it will be before allowing us the same free speech that they demand will become......

altogether now!!!!

AN ATTACK ON CHRISTIAN VALUES!!!!

We want to be Mumra

As the non-existent readers of bloggoth will know, we at etc. are totally in favour of genetic research, hybrids, cloning and generally fiddling about with human nature (as long as nobody is nasty to NICE little animals) and look forward to the day when all those idiotic restrictions will be swept away and the scientist can start having ALL THE FUN that such techniques should make possible. We at bloggoth have always wanted an eyeball on the end of our finger, what interesting things you could do with that eh?

Surely films like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Thundercats, the Fantastic Four etc. prove conclusively that most hybrid and mutated humans would be an enormous advance. They would not simply be stronger and healthier and equipped with fantastic powers but would be immensely moral and have an advanced sense of justice.

Talking of Thundercats, we would need a few bad eggs to maintain a balance.

PS If we did create hybrids, surely god would be enormously incensed? what a blasphemy! Surely he would be inclined to destroy those responsible, he destroyed Sodom after all, and what is a bit of bottom fun compared to such an outrage against nature? That's the funny thing about god, he used to go around destroying this, blasting that, smiting the ungodly and generally creating great miracles and wonders. Now that we have photography and video he does not seem to do these things any more, I geuss he must be camera shy.

A strategy emerges

Thinking back to the "bicycles" of uni days this is no great surprise but it seems that depressed women have more sex. Only slightly less obviously, women reward men who do housework with sex.

So how can one make the wife thoroughly miserable while appearing to do lots of housework without actually doing any? I was thinking of beating her soundly and locking her up every night in the shed before getting a cleaner in. At £8 ph, this plan is far cheaper than hiring a prossie. How suicidal do we need to make her for our favourite sex of the botty parts variety? We need to know.

PS This post was written by Mr Sensitivity, AKA Monty the Mouse Mummy. We at bloggoth had no knowledge of it and if we had we would have been utterly appalled. For shame Monty!

Sneaking the friend in

We at bloggoth really must invest in some decent equipment. Any among the non-existent readers of bloggoth, even those wierdos who do not like NICE little slugs and snails, should really check out the fantastic nature photos on the blog of coven member 9, Mr. Snail Tales. We are most envious, what a shame we are SO MEAN!!!

We tried to get a picture of Monty (the mouse mummy) with our cheap USB microscope and it was not a good deal better than the one we got with our cheap £37 ASDA digital camera. An added difficulty was sneaking Monty in past the missus. "I don't want that thing in my house!!!!!" What the hell is wrong with women that they have some deep seated objection to nice little rodents in dried corpse form? It is not as though Monty is going to raid the fridge and eat the cheese is it?

Anyway, here is NICE little Monty, what a wonderful little dead mouse!!!!

PS When the missus kicks the bucket we are going to have her stuffed. Hopefully she will be a bit better preserved than Monty, although fortunately we are not too fussy these days.

It may not be polite to voice it, but DK is right

Any among the non-existent readers of bloggoth who inhabit the dream world of socialism, please bog off now.

The Devils Kitchen was at his sweary best a day or two ago (approx. ten million words down, where does he find the time?) on the subject of family friendly tax policies. Some of a more socialist bent may feel his is a selfish attitude but when you think about it, how is pursuit of happiness through wife/husband/kids any less selfish than pursuit of happiness by any other means? The main point he makes is that it is idiotic to encourage having children as a financial investment.

It is indeed, particularly when you consider that those mainly encouraged to have children by these family friendly policies are by definition those who are not the most economically successful in their own lives and the statistics show that the least successful produce the least successful children who will require subsidy in their turn. So then we chuck in even more money to try to end social deprivation, social exclusion, child poverty or whatever the latest expression for wasting money is.

Whisper it, as even the suggestion renders one liable to being compared with Hitler by the idiot quarter, but is it just remotely possible that in part this is due to genetic causes and not readily amenable to social engineering? Even when that is not the case, perhaps we should at least ask ourselves whether this money can actually achieve anything. The causes of unemployability and low acheivement, even among those who really do have the potential to succeed, are enormously complex and until we have some clear idea as to how to solve them does it really make sense to encourage more children among underacheivers?

That is not to say we should not encourage success from disadvantaged backgrounds by trying to overcome the social barriers which appear to be stronger in the UK than anywhere else, what is simply daft is paying people to have children with no regard as to how likely those children are to contribute to society or how we pay for them if/when they fail to do so.

Our new correspondent

We at bloggoth were clearing out the shed this afternoon and found somebody who seems ideal as another addition to our little crew. Meet Monty The Mouse Mummy.

Naturally he will have to pass an interview to ensure he is suitable. What do you think of our Prime Minister, Monty?

He is a lying c*!

What about horrible common people?

Boil them all up to make soap!

And horrible foreign people?

What is the point of having nukes if we don't use them?

I think we have heard enough, you seem very satisfactory. Welcome aboard!

What a load of balls

A prophetic forecast using "scientific expertise and understanding of history" to show how quickly the traces of man will disappear from the earth.

Within a hundred years most traces of our modern-day lives would be so destroyed by weather, corrosion, earth tremors, surviving animals, insects and bacteria that the monuments and hieroglyphics of ancient civilisations would be better preserved than our buildings and our billions of books and electronic records.

Hear, hear

Unashamedly nicked from Wolfie's blog, but have a look at the comments on the BBC site about the budget. This is the sort of comment you now see everywhere in every forum, it is no longer the preserve of the Daily Mail. People have always moaned but was there ever a time when so many were so utterly disatisfied with life in Britain?

Is everything as horrible as people?

Some may think that our anthropomorhism of NICE little creatures, calling waspies names beginning with W and feeding them best quality jam etc., is a joke or possibly a disorder that arises from our profoundly antisocial hatred of HORRIBLE PEOPLE. But those more informed are coming round to the bloggoth way of thinking, that actually all these NICE little creatures really do exercise control over their own lives to a far greater degree than we imagine.

According to this item some ants actually cheat the system to ensure that it is their own offspring who become queens:

It is unclear how the male ants pass on the advantage to their offspring but the researchers believe they limit themselves intentionally. If too many larvae grew into queens, the imbalance might be noticed by the worker ants and they might turn on their leaders. Dr Hughes, who collaborated with Professor Jacobus Boomsma from the University of Copenhagen, said the ants were knowingly taking steps to avoid detection.

.....

"When studying social insects like ants and bees, it's often the cooperative aspect of their society that first stands out," Dr Hughes said. "However, when you look more deeply, you can see there is conflict and cheating - and obviously human society is also a prime example of this. "It was thought that ants were an exception, but our genetic analysis has shown that their society is also rife with corruption - and royal corruption at that."

WHAT?? Nice little things are as horrible as horrible people? Oh hang on though, ants are social insects, and we all know what that means, they are a bunch of bloody commies! What else can you expect from lefties? They are all hypocritical Stalinist sorts. Their concern for the welfare of the working classes is usually matched only by their contempt for their opinions.

NICE little waspies and sluggies would never think like that.

And if you think that unlikely, how about bacteria making it rain just so they can get back to Earth again.

Sympathy with the causes should never influence the solutions

We at bloggoth have a lot of sympathy with drunks, drug addicts, criminals and the useless and feckless generally. No, quite seriously, we do. It is easy to see how some who have been lucky enough to have been raised in a stable, loving and reasonably affluent family environment have no concept of what makes these people the way they are and why they subscribe to the rightist mythology that criminals and the socially or economically inadequate are the way they are purely out of laziness or wilfulness. You need to be screwed up a bit by your upbringing to appreciate that we are all very much the prisoners of what made us.

Just maybe, hypothetically speaking of course, you need to spend a childhood being torn between parents who hated each other but were too inadequate to find another, to be made to feel guilty and disloyal by either one for every bit of time spent with the other, to go into the kitchen when you are eight and find them fighting on the floor and bleeding from injuries or to regularly find the house littered with the other's smashed and torn property. And there are times, hypothetically speaking of course, when you find it hard to hold yourself together, to see what makes those who have had it so much worse the way they are.

But what insanity to recommend that addicts should be given a community order even if they target vulnerable people. If there is a determination by the offender to reform and help within economically sensible reason may prove more effective than prison then by all means try it but as a matter of practicality it is crazy to apply a blanket tolerance of such behaviour at the expense of others.

Sympathise, pat their backs, then lock them up for as long as they are a danger.

Really sad news

It seems that thousands of nice little starfish have been found dead on a Kent beach. That is really awful, perhaps they committed suicide because they were being bullied at school. We are thinking of starting a charity to provide a counselling service for bullied invertebrates. Please send £10 to the usual address.

We at bloggoth have had a little clothes moth fluttering about in our front room for weeks. It wanders around our heads while we are watching TV. It seems very lonely and we are also thinking of starting a charity to provide a dating agency for nice little things who are on their own. We only need £5 per head for that one.

PS We expect some people have died of starvation or wars or something somewhere too, they usually do.

A real test

I see this daft government is thinking of requiring schoolchildren to pledge allegiance to queen and country.

Loyalty to country I can understand but requiring loyalty to an outdated institution like the monarchy?

Maybe a more effective idea to ensure committment to Britain would be to make the little bastards eat a bacon sandwich every Friday!

Ooooh that's evil, what would that nice tolerant and PC xoggoth say if he heard that remark???

Oh dear

Its looks {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} may be the first British PM not to be in Madame Tussauds.

Very sad, but after all, making an effigy must be expensive. Perhaps they could save on wax and make a miniature, like a garden gnome, that would be fitting. Better yet, why not save the whole cost of the wax and stuff the bastard? I know a taxidermist who could probably do it for about 5k. Actually, give me the hooks and I would do it myself for nowt.

PS One of the Manky Skulls must have added that last comment, we at bloggoth would never endorse violence against our wonderful PM.

Repeat

This comment is guaranteed to be repeated on every other blog in the world, we are just hoping to be among the first. It seems the Catholic church has come up with a list of a new seven deadly sins for the modern world. These are:

Environmental pollution
Genetic manipulation
Accumulating excessive wealth
Inflicting poverty
Drug trafficking and consumption
Morally debatable experiments
Violation of fundamental rights of human nature

How about an eighth??? 3,2,1, ALL TOGETHER NOW

FONDLING LITTLE BOYS

Egg

Bloddy ell they are selling Easter eggs already

Athletics

Of all the crap the missus likes to watch on TV, even more than antiques programs (but not as much as cooking programs) we at bloggoth hate athletics programs. Apart from the female athletes' bottoms of course. Maybe the problem is the predictability of it, 100m runners train all year, turn up and run the 100m. How tedious. Athletics would be far more interesting if they introduced a bit of a surprise into it.

Jumping for example, why not keep all the contestants inside until it was their turn so they could not see the previous jumper's performance? Then have a big curtain over the track that pulled back at the last minute just as they were completing the run up to reveal a lucky dip event. At the last moment they would have to do a high jump, long jump or hop skip and jump depending on what the curtain revealed.

Or a pole vault. Tough if they had not brought their pole. In the women's events the forfeit would require them to show us their bottoms.

Rewind

xoggoth was watching the DVD of Elizabeth

Anyway, Elizabeth says the Spanish fleet is bringing the inquisition in its hulls which spells the end of freedom for Englishmen, which xoggoth reckons is so true today.

Yeh, apart from the the Spanish and the fleet and the inquisition and the hulls.

His name was Edwin and he lived

If you are occasionally forced to watch those tedious antiques progs on TV you must have been struck on occasion by the dedication of those long dead sorts who created these things.

Perhaps an antique glass vase built up by glazing several layers, each on top of the previous. Our dedicated artisan then covered the whole thing in shellac, spend days scratching out a bumblebee in intricate detail before putting it in a vat of hyrofluoric acid to etch it into the first layer of glass. Then he covered it in shellac, spent days scratching out a flower in intricate detail etc. etc. At the end of many weeks there was a thing of great beauty (possibly, according to taste) with nature's tiny glories depicted in numerous layers that might fetch, oh, I dunno, at least £300 on a good day, and decorate the mantelpiece of some estate agent in Chigwell. Ah well!, 2 minutes on BBC2 is more than most of us will acheive 150 years after our death.

We at bloggoth used to have dedication like that, we could spend days making a centre piece for our squallid little bedsit, perhaps a miniature fountain made from an old glass chandelier, bits of old washing machine pump and coloured lights with chocolate wrappers under bottoms of milk bottles carefully cracked off by putting them in cold water and pouring in boiling water. A real art that was, if you didn't get it right first time the glass got tempered and would not crack cleanly on the second try. Our art never got reserved for history, we had a huge concrete zombie head once with beer bottle eyes and gave it to the little Asian kids in the bottom flat when we moved. They used it for target practice.

Even that had a more permanent nature than a blog item. Have any of you fellow bloggers ever really thought just how transitory your efforts are? Sure, words can go down in history if you are a Dryden or a Kant or a Groucho Marx. Even your dimwit granny who worked in the munitions factory may have left a handwritten diary or a few love letters for future generations to ponder briefly and maybe if you did that then for a few seconds some descendant may even wonder what you were like.

For you dear blogger, there is nothing left but the quick corruption into the virtual Google compost. Your blog or website space will be expired and overwritten, your efforts on your hard disc will end up at the council dump for eventual export to recyclers in China and even the official records of your very existence, held only in silicon form on some government database, will no doubt be considered superfluous at some point and erased.

PS To obtain a copy of bloggoth etched into glass with hydrofluoric acid, please send £200 to the usual address. It will prove to be a great investment for your great grandchildren.

Edwin?

Children, I am training you now,
to carry out the only favour I
will ever ask you. Children
I am working for the day when
all the slaps and shouts are
cancelled out. Children obey me.

I do not know for sure when
I will expect you to carry out
this service. Lets say I live
for three score years and ten
and am exactly half way there.

So this is in fact a semi-anniversary:
the point at which your lesson
should begin. Andrea, say after me:
In my teenage years I hated him
but later I saw a core of good intent
At all events I remember him:
His name was Edwin and he lived.

Nicholas say: "He was never
a perfect father: too authoritarian,
liable to shout loudly and retire
to a quiet corner with a book.
I remember the look of him.
His name was Edwin and he lived.

I am trusting you to repeat these
things daily for the remainder
of your lives. And later, too
teach your baby sister
something similar to say.

I do not expect my discipline
to extend to the training of
your children. When you die
I will accept the end: will
open my mouth and let the crawling
kingdom enter, and give my face
leave to crumble from my head

"Paternal Instruction -- Edwin Brock"

DNA testing, missing the real point again

Those who support various intrusive measures by the state, such as the DNA sampling of all citizens, like to represent opposition as an irrational kneejerk reaction or even a paranoid fantasy, like this chap. To be fair to him, many objections to the idea are of exactly the vague and woolly sort he is ridiculing but shouldn't the real debate be looking at the very real danger to innocent citizens if we hand this sort of power to an overbearing, arrogant and frequently blundering state?

Public memory seems to be very short. It was just two months ago that a case was thrown out of court after a DNA technique was discredited. Ah! so low copy number DNA is the ONLY dodgy technique is it? No other suspect methods or assumptions out there waiting to trap some innocent citizen when millions are routinely tested every year?

Even assuming the basic techniques are sound, can we be sure the procedures will be reliable and that the testers will adhere to them? Plenty of testing blunders to be found on the net like this one or this one. Could we even get cross contamination of crime scene and suspect samples? It is the same case after all. You would think procedures would rigorously guard against it but then one would also think that a government lab would not be mistaking cattle brains for sheep brains either.

The tiny samples that can now be analysed present major problems. Spend time on a crowded train and we must have DNA from several strangers on us, specks of danduff, the odd hair etc, and if the police test everyone in a locality the odds are that sooner or later the traces of some innocent chap will turn up on a murder victim or vice versa. Tough luck if you fit some police profile and have no alibi, that tiny forensic sample may be enough to convict as in the Dando case. And what is to stop a murderer deliberately leaving a few traces from someone else? I would feel happier if I had ever seen a discussion of these probabilities and their ramifications but so far there is no evidence that the authorities have even considered them.

The major problem with DNA testing is the undue reliance that may be placed upon it because of the enormous figures bandied about against an incorrect match. There must be real fear that where there is good DNA evidence, the collection of any other evidence which might point to innocence will be skimped. We have seen such travesties before when undue reliance was placed on a single piece of forensic evidence.

And what about those impressive statistics against a false identification? We have seen huge numbers bandied about quite recently in the cot death cases. Women were convicted on the views of a supposed expert about probabilities of two cot deaths in a family and nobody, not even the defence, thought to suggest that the deaths (like DNA) could have had a common genetic cause and that the probabilities should not be multiplied. Absurd! Can we be sure that experts will not bandy similar figures in court about DNA testing and not be adequately challenged? Some scientists seem to think so. Jurors do not understand statistics, and a probability of 1 in 60 million, even if correct, does not necessarily mean there is only person in the UK who could have committed the crime.

So no, it is not about some vague objection to being monitored, it is about the proponents who advocate the measure without ever once properly considering the practical issues or proposing any proper controls. It is about police who are too lazy to do a proper job when handed a supposed magic bullet, the incompetence of government laboratories whose results cannot be relied upon, the vanity of experts who would sooner see the innocent jailed than have their expertise questioned and a legal system that is too ignorant of science and statistics to ask the right questions.

Another coven change

Although we at bloggoth quite like Melanie Phillips it is not really a blog but a professional online newspaper article. Now it is hosted on spectator.co.uk the pretence at being a blog is even thinner. We are unable to have any number but 13 blog links at left and have therefore given her the heave ho and replaced the link by a blogger whose every word is true.

HMRC is shite and administer an incentive-destroying, overcomplicated and often absurd system, the primary purposes of which are to provide jobs for shite HMRC employees and to hide from citizens the true measure of the enormous tax burden they bear. In my experience they are also sloppy and dishonest, making challenges on total geusswork over one's working arrangements without bothering to ask, inflating sums owed by adding in all sorts of amounts which are valid deductions or have been taxed already as a BIK and having some very curious arrangements on tax allowances where reductions get automatically factored in but require positive actions to factor out. All of these, with an inexperienced or timid individual, or those who foolishly imagine the state to be honest and thorough, are likely to result in overpayment of tax or an unecessary waste of money on professional advice.

Melanie P has therefore been replaced by HMRC is shite.

The manky skulls have been plotting terrorism

Out with the old and

Non existent readers looking for usual nonsensical woffling please move on, nothing to see here.

It seems Islamanazi has ceased blogging in favour of a new blog about sheep and the anti-Islamic coven slot is therefore vacant. This is a most important ministerial portfolio; while we at bloggoth will be pushing up daisies long before the UK is an Islamic state we do not wish that problem on the sons and find it quite appalling that we have spent 300 years dragging our society out of the shadow of state-imposed religious dogma only to see third world immigration from backward and violent societies dragging it back.

We have therefore filled the vacant anti-Islam slot in the coven with a British blog, Lionheart. Some may say both the old and new {were/are} rather extreme, but neither {were/appear to be} of the infantile and gratuitously offensive "peedofile prophet" variety, rather concentrating on the very real threat presented to our society by this backward POLITICAL creed.

In any case, given a choice between a bit of extreme language and the supine acquiescence and naive liberalism shown by too many citizens or the appeasement from our government we will go for extreme any day.

Baaaaah!

bloggoth is now a panel of experts

It has been pointed out to us that at times we at bloggoth might be skirting the fringes of the current terrorism laws by advocating the stabbing of politicians, mass blowing up of civil servants etc. etc. We have also been advised that our frequent references to HORRIBLE FOREIGN PEOPLE, HORRIBLE COMMON PEOPLE, religious nutjobs, toffee nosed gits etc. might be considered offensive.

We have therefore decided to stop making any comment whatever on any issue lest anything we say might be taken as an incitement to violence or give any sort of offence to anyone at all and have resigned our position on this blog in favour of a guest panel of volunteers. All views expressed by my geusts attach only to them and we at bloggoth cannot be held responsible for anything they say.

Without further ado, over to my panel. My first panelist is Mr Manky Sheep Skull, broadcaster and Journalist with The Sunday Times manky skulls column, then we have Mr Manky Deer Skull, the Liberal Democrat spokesman on missing nasal bones, Mr Manky Badger Skull, skull spokesman for the "Where's My Jaw Gone?" party and finally Miss Manky Blackbird skull from the charity "I Used To Have A Weevil Up My Beak But Lost It"

The first question from our non-existent readers this evening is "In the light of recent convictions, does the panel think that a compulsory national database is justified?

What? This was a prime opportunity to accuse the government of unwarranted intrusion and suggest that the bastards should have their databases wrapped in dynamite and shoved up their rectums! Later you were going to do Kosovo, perfect subject for a rant against horrible Albanian Muslims AND horrible Serb Christians. Fat lot of use you lot are! Have you got nothing violent, intolerant, xenophobic or racist to say for yourselves that we at bloggoth can make out that we thoroughly disapprove of? Are we not able to pretend to abhorr your gratuitously offensive remarks about anyone???

Ah!!!! That's better! I mean, that's terrible, how appalling to deliberately offend someone's religion!

What a load of bollox!!! (says Ms Manky blackbird skull, not us)

News that Muslims are furious with Walkers because there may be tiny traces of alcohol in their products. Quote from Masood Khawaja, of the Halal Food Authority,:

Besides Muslims, there are a lot of teetotal people who would not like to consume alcohol in any form. As far as possible we try and lobby for halal symbols on popular products like Kellogg's cereals.

Er, no, do not tar all teetotallers with your irrational brush, they avoid alcohol in amounts that have an effect, either on health or because they dissaprove of drunkeness, they do not have a NUTTY STUPID BARKING SENSELESS religious objection to barely detectable traces. There are sometimes apparently rational reasons for religious rules, the test whether they really are rational is to ask whether the rules are still applicable when the real problems have been addressed or do not exist at all. If they do, then semblance to rationality is mere coincidence.

PS Why should the rest of us pay for halal labelling on foods???

PPS They should put pig and alcohol in everything!

PS. Kosovo for the Serbs, ethnic Albanians belong in Albania!

Commenty boxy thing

Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed. If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.

Are you EXCITED boys and girls???

We just might have mentioned this before but one of the things that really enriches the lives of we at bloggoth is the deluge of absolutely marvellous stuff from our fantastic government.

We have two companies and more or less look after the paperwork for a third so hardly a week ever goes by without some FABULOUSLY INTERESTING correspondence from HMRC or Companies House dropping through our letter box demanding that we complete this, that or the other or pay a huge chunk of our neglible profits to all the government's marvellous causes.

We spend about 9 hours every day of our supposed retirement writing software which so far has brought us about £5k in profits but what the hell, we love giving 20% (and rising) to support more useless and lawless migrants from the third world, other feckless bastards who never bother to get up except to collect their dole money, billions to the EU that none of us have ever had a chance to vote on, collossal MPs' perks, generous early retirement for civil servants, aid for parts of the third world that seem to have no difficulty paying for nuclear weapons and soldiers for conflicts that have nothing to do with us, especially those in which we should really be supporting the other side.

Today was typical, two copies of their FANTASTIC 2008 Employer Bulletin! Hey! EXCITING new additions to the CD ROM! And just look at that sexy woman!

We at bloggoth are EXCITED! Aren't you??? I don't know about you lot but we are off with our copy to the bathroom for a damn good collective WANK!

Clone

Most interesting news of the week is that cloning is now a commercial enterprise. A lady wants her pet dog to be cloned, a snip at $50,000. What a forward thinking bunch the Koreans are when it comes to application of scientific research, let's just hope it does not get eaten before delivery.

Excellent! The more science interferes with nature the better in the view of we at bloggoth and it annoys the hell out of all the religious bastards! Bloody backward nature, WTF does it know about anything? Left to its own devices it evolves all sorts of idiotic things, giant lizards with big fans on their backs, enormous reptiles with tiny little front legs, 18 foot sloths, tigers that can't close their mouths properly, then they all become extinct with shame because all the other living creatures laugh at them! Man does these things properly according to sound commercial judgements.

Once we get our hands on her pension, we at bloggoth may get the wife cloned although we shall make it a term of our contract that the clone is a bit freer with its alternative orifices than the original!

A way to more medals

Following on from last, Bush also sensibly said that he would not be treating the Olympics as a means of putting pressure on China over Darfur, as US president he had his own channels for that.

Up to the Yanks, but we trust UK policy will be entirely different. The UK government should immediately ban our athletes from going to China. This is nothing to do with giving a shit about Darfur but with winning lots of medals for the UK at the 2012 Olympics. The Chinese would obviously retaliate by boycotting them, so there would be no chance of the Chinese winning any medals at, erm, whatever it is that the Chinese are good at.

The world tensions at the moment are handing us some golden opportunities to eliminate competition at our games. We seem to be doing quite well at offending the Kenyans and if we step that up a bit maybe we won't get any of their long distance runners turning up. Relations with Russia are also at a low point. Splendid! We should send in the SAS to kidnap that Litvinyenko suspect and stick a few more bugged rocks on the rockery of the Russian embassy. If we could stop the Russians coming that should really boost our medals total! We are still working on ways to offend the other major medal prospects like the Yanks, Ozzies, Krauts, Frogs and Ities but there is still plenty of time.

Not only will this policy prevent HORRIBLE FOREIGN PEOPLE from winning medals at the UK olympics, we can also save money by not bothering with any of those expensive facilities. If only Brits are competing we can make do with the local leisure centre or just odd bits of waste ground nearby. British athletes are used to that sort of thing and it will further put off any foreign athletes we did not manage to offend.

PS We should sack Sebastian Coe. The Duke of Edinburgh or Nick Griffin would clearly be a far better choice.

Typing monkeys

If you wait long enough even Bush will say something sensible.

Easy enough to wring hands about Darfur (or whatever today's humanitarian crisis in Africa happens to be) but even with human tragedy on a massive scale you first need to ensure that any action would actually achieve the desired result and not cause even greater problems.

The time for the West to intervene directly in Africa is long past as anything we do will be seen or represented as more interference with a hidden agenda. We want Sudanese oil, it is a cold war move to counter the influence of Russia and China or we seek to re-establish colonial influence. Over and over again history tells us that today's saviours quickly become tomorrow's colonisers in the eyes of the saved.

Unless we are prepared to stay for ever what would it acheive without any resolution of the fundamental problems? One would imagine that if a country had peace for decades or even generations all the rivalries and the original causes of conflicts would be forgotten but surely Yugoslavia and Kenya, among others, have taught us what a nonsense that is? Would it even help in the short term, given that the worst excesses in Kosovo happened after NATO intervention began? There is also a problem in Sudan that is even more insoluble than differences of viewpoint, too many people in an increasingly arid zone.

Maybe we should expect our leaders, with more information than the rest of us, to look beyond the harrowing pictures and consider the basic causes. Those pictures should not in themselves persuade anyone of the rightness of the Sudanese rebel's cause. It is impossible to separate humanitarian and military aid, if we provide armed protection and shelter for black Africans then, like it or not, we are effectively supporting the separatist rebels who draw their support from among them. Just maybe the situation is a little more complex than nasty racist Arabs killing poor defenceless peaceful black people as the news represents it. (And that viewpoint is not even ethnically accurate.)

As in Kosovo we may be letting our liberal media manipulated sympathies blind us to some other facts, that the rebels are hardly blameless in creating this conflict and that many are migrants from surrounding African countries who have no right to be dictating the political direction of Sudan. Maybe, as in Kosovo, our interference could end in substituting one "persecuted" minority for another.

PS. Matter of opinion of course but perhaps, as in Kosovo, we might end up supporting the wrong side.

Hmmm

I will see your hmmm and raise you one not sure really. We at bloggoth are in two minds about the acquital of those Muslim youths.

On the one hand we hate the idea of this feckin' government using these arbitrary laws to censor what we think. Ok, they were poxy extremist Muslims on this occasion, but who is to say our marvellous authorities will not use them against any of us when it suits? Similar laws can equally be used as a tool of political correctness to censor valid objections to those who threaten our way of life, the actions against this chap for example.

On the other hand, the decision seems devoid of common sense. Even if it has not been proven that they actually intended to act on the material they downloaded, one has to ask what is the point of downloading stuff like that unless you are at least considering it? It is not as though they were immature 14 year olds with no clear idea of the implications and they did not simply download a few items but a whole raft of stuff. That is more than idle curiosity. Research? What field of knowledge does discussing jihadi missions, sticking your own face on a picture of the 9/11 hijackers or watching video clips of U.S. soldiers being killed advance exactly? Apart from researching how to be an Islamic terrorist that is. Our judiciary appears to be becoming more and more totally insane.

Perhaps the most important point, as we have said before somewhere (but cannot be arsed to find) is that there is a big difference between holding extremist views in private, which might be considered a matter of personal freedom, and sharing them with others because you cannot be sure that the views you expound will not influence them and cause them to commit the acts you SAY you would not consider.

The two problems with laws this government has foisted on us, the fear that prosecution or the threat of it might be used to silence those expressing unpalatable truths and the acquittal (and compensation at our expense no doubt) of those who are clearly a threat to the rest of us, might be mitigated by clearer and less ambiguous wording.

If only the feckin' government would ever do its job properly!

More of the same

More promise one thing do another from {LYING Scottish C* ... Brownstuff}

xoggoth buys some sweets

Time and time again

We are writing this from one of many tediously similar futures.

As in the film of HG Well's novel, the time machine was invented by an individual in England and the first prototype really did look a bit like a bath chair with a big wheel on the back but apart from those coincidences almost nothing about time travel turned out as fiction, or the physicists, had told us.

We had all read the dire warnings in sci fi stories about altering the past and we all knew that a single butterfly stepped on in the Jurassic would totally change the course of history. We would suddenly exist, if we or even mankind were lucky enough to exist at all, in a totally changed world and be completely ignorant of any other possibilities. There was therefore considerable panic when attempts by the government to take over the patent and prevent any use or disclosure of details of the invention were thwarted by the courts due to recent badly worded enhancements to the European Human Rights act, especially when production of the machines was funded by a well known media company who owned several newspapers and TV stations in Europe and America.

The first commercial model came out at Easter and it was too good an opportunity to miss, Judas iscariot "My side of the story". Judas was paid 800 pieces of silver by the News Of The World and with all that money in his pocket it hardly seemed worth becoming history's greatest villian for a mere 40, so on betrayal night he never bothered to turn up, preferring to get drunk on the Famous Grouse whisky they had given him and spend the night with a whore. The Roman soldiers wandered about a bit looking for Jesus but in those days all male Jews looked like Jesus and they could not spot him. Peter did suggest he should wave and go "oi! I'm Jesus!" but he did not want god's plan for mankind to look too obvious, things have to be a bit more unfathomable and mysterious to attract religious types, so he decided to put it off for a while and look for another betrayer. A couple of days later he got run over by a runaway mule cart carrying crucifixion crosses for Barabas and others and was buried in the tomb from which he never emerged. The Almighty presumably decided there was not much point.

As alterations of history went, time travel could hardly have got off to a worse start but that's where the Sci Fi stories turned out all wrong. Christianity never happened but it got replaced by something almost identical founded early in the 1st century by a Roman chap called Janus who claimed to be the favourite nephew of god. Like Christianity it was a religion of peace and love and thus spent most of its first 1500 years burning and torturing people throughout Europe who did not follow its principles before becoming enlightened and just having them thrown in prison instead. That was lesson number one of time travel, whatever anyone did, things turned out pretty much the same. It seemed as though there was a structure and pattern to the course of history and only insignificant details of it could be altered. Even in those details there are numerous immutables, for example, no matter what is done to alter history, Ken Livingstone will always end up as Mayor of London.

After the time machines became slightly cheaper and more readily available there were all sorts of organisations who tried to alter history according to their view of what it should be and they were all disappointed. French activists attempted to change the outcome of Waterloo and create a French dominated Europe by assassinating Field Marshall Blucher. Due to his horse rearing at the crucial moment the modern bullet only injured him and his rage only reinforced his resolution causing the French to lose half an hour earlier than they usually did. Attempts by American Indians to sabotage Christopher Columbus's discovery of America appeared on the brink of success when he was disgraced by a trumped up scandal but then it was discovered only a few days later than formerly by his cousin Colin. No matter what attempts were made to change history it would cling obstinately to something very close to its usual course.

Even in small things, after the machines became available to the masses, those who wanted to change their lives by doing things differently found their lives not greatly altered. Why, oh why did you not get married to Harriet when you had the chance? you would not be stuck with fat neurotic Julie and you would be happy! So you go back and propose to Harriet only to find after a few years than she is even more fat and neurotic than Julie. Why did you not study harder and pass your A levels? you could have been a vet instead of a garage mechanic. So you go back and study harder, drop out after the first year at university and end up servicing vending machines because you were always a lazy bugger with no real ambition and fixing machines was all you were any good at. Those who say life is predetermined were very nearly right.

But the main departure from all the theories is illustrated by the fact that Judas's story in the News Of the World proved to be a considerable boost to their circulation. I can see the reaction from my pre time travel readers; how was that possible? If Christianity never existed then Judas would be a nonentity, just a sidekick of yet another messianic Jewish character that nobody outside of a few historians of Roman history had ever heard of. Not so, for although Christianity had never existed in the current time stream people still knew who he was from the memories of the former timestream. The time machine did not tap into and alter a single thread of time, creating a branch that evolved from that point. Rather it did something that natural laws had never done and simply killed one stream and swapped everyone, complete with all their memories, into another. That was another of the immutables, although their lives could be altered slightly, prolonged or cut short by the odd week or two, everyone (and this probably applied to all living things although that has not been proven) who has existed in one stream will still exist in the other at much the same time.

Naturally, this proved a boon for contact websites like formerlifefreindsunited.com who specialised in putting people into contact with those few they did not still know in the current one. It had many drawbacks too especially given that most people's different life streams were so very similar. It was really hard to remember which was which. Perhaps you should go to Malaga this year as a change from The Algarve, or did you normally go to the Algarve and it was the previous life where it was the other way round? Was the wife's name Vera this time round or was it Veronica? No hang on, Veronica was three lives ago, perhaps it was Valerie?

It came as a great relief when a small band of intrepid men discovered that one major event could be altered, perhaps because it was an anomaly and had never had a place in the timestream at all, the invention of the time machine itself. After a hard knock on the head the bearded genius totally forgot all his plans and it was never invented. Everyone was deliriously happy that life could follow a regular stream and they would not be continually shifting into a slightly different world, waking up to find a wife with a bigger nose, starting to eat toast and marmalade for breakfast and ending it eating toast and Marmite, tripping up on steps because there were three treads instead of the two there were when you started down them. There was a huge celebration in every capital of the world to mark the fact that the time machine had never existed.

Time travel is a preposterous concept and some day, when you you reach the future we live in today, you will all realise it.

Only slightly mad

From Wikipedia. In his later life, Blücher became slightly mad, and was said to be under the impression, among other things, that he had been impregnated with an elephant at the hands of a French infantryman.

Get rid of the Arsebishop of Canterbury

He never opens his gob without talking utter gobshite, even more than religious sorts normally do that is. Replace him by Dr Sentamu, the current Archbish. of York, and a fairly sane sort by the standards of the faithful. His relative sanity, and that of another prominent and sensible black guy Trevor Phillips reinforces the impression we all have that much of the bleedin' PC nonsense we have to put up with is not due to migrants or minorities demanding their "rights" but to daft white liberals who feel they have to hawk their guilt-ridden bleeding hearts all over the rest of us.

Good move

Not always accurate but according to Wikipedia Jimmy Carter once left the nuclear launch codes in his suit when it was sent in for dry cleaning.

So where are the others?

Much is made of the fact that the next US president may be either a woman or a (sort of) black person.

Some feel that these groups have been excluded from the top of society for far too long and being immensely liberal and politically correct we at bloggoth naturally agree. But why stop there? in our view there are many other disadvantaged and excluded sorts in society who should have a crack at being president. They should declare the whole process so far to be null and void and start again after they have found suitable candidates.

Where is the gay candidate with policies to ban marriage and make rimming a compulsory subject in schools? Why is there no illegal immigrant candidate? Who speaks for them? Why no disabled candidate? I know Roosevelt was disabled but he was not nearly disabled enough to appreciate the problems some face, someone in a coma on life support would be ideal. And what about the criminally insane? We demand a paranoid schizophrenic candidate!!!

Why is Obama black anyway?

It reminds one of the laws once in force in Southern US states (it was mentioned in the Hollywood musical "Showboat" so it must be true) that anyone with a drop of nigra blood was a nigra.

Why is that anyone who has even slightly negroid features regards themselves and is regarded by others as black? Obama has a black father and white mother, so in absence of any more data about his forebears, he is probably half and half. Why does that make him black more than white? Just colour? He is no darker than some famously orange-faced white sorts like David Dickinson or Dale Winton or indeed many after their summer hols in the Argarve. He identifies with blacks because he has faced similar problems? But he is a very successful man, so whatever predudice he has faced, he also knows that it is too simplistic to blame most failures of black society on racism as too many of his supporters seem to. Defining oneself by culture or beliefs is understandable, to simply identify with a race, especially so inappropriately, makes no sense.

The answer in his case is probably simple. Blacks and white liberals are his power base. With politicians nothing matters but getting elected.

The world has finally gone totally insane

Blair to run for EU president if it has real powers.

Muslims with multiple wives to get extra benefit.

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xoggoth summons the editorial staff of bloggoth for a dressing down.

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Fitna the Movie: Geert Wilders' film about the Quran

its wot mad us grate

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Keep it quiet? exactly what we should not do

Eh?

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Commenty boxy thing

Easter is the time for...

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A real test

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Egg

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Rewind

His name was Edwin and he lived

Edwin?

DNA testing, missing the real point again

Another coven change

The manky skulls have been plotting terrorism

Out with the old and

bloggoth is now a panel of experts

What a load of bollox!!! (says Ms Manky blackbird skull, not us)

Commenty boxy thing

Are you EXCITED boys and girls???

Clone

A way to more medals

Typing monkeys

Hmmm

More of the same

xoggoth buys some sweets

Time and time again

Only slightly mad

Get rid of the Arsebishop of Canterbury

Good move